Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not even a card!!

89 replies

Abitmiffed1 · 08/11/2024 16:29

I recently got married and we had a gorgeous day with friends and family. My sister was matron of honour and her children were page boys. We didn’t ask for gifts as we are a bit older and have everything we need, however most of our guests were very generous and gave us cards/gifts/money etc. Everyone that is apart from my own sister - I was shocked to find that we didn’t even have a card from her and her family. My sister can be quite selfish at times and thinks the world revolves around her, however I feel this is another level - who doesn’t get their own sister a card on their wedding day? Every single other guest - even our evening guests came with a card. I thought maybe something had got lost so I messaged to ask her but she gave me some rubbish excuse about how she had accidentally taken it home with her and she would post it to us the next day - it has still not arrived. AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:
Foxblue · 08/11/2024 17:16

Okay before I read your update I was going to gently point out that some people genuinely don't know they 'should' get people cards or presents for weddings. Some people know they 'should' get cards or presents, but are under the impression if you are in the wedding party you don't need to, as after all they are doing extra above a regular guest.
Another thing is, getting someone a card is a tradition - but it's not a tradition to everyone, and we are not all aware of everyone else's traditions, nor are we actually obliged to follow those traditions. If you think about it objectively, at some point long ago, someone completely unrelated to any of us, decided it would be nice to get people a card for a wedding. This then turned into a practice, a tradition, an expectation. Except that person's got nothing to do with me or you, so we don't actually have an obligation to follow it. It's nice if we follow traditions, but assuming someone who isn't following a tradition is inherently rude or thoughtless is, if you think about it, not very logical!
Just a musing really - sounds like there are other problems with your sister.

Original poster
Abitmiffed1 · 08/11/2024 17:01

MumOfOneAllAlone · 08/11/2024 16:48

You're not being unreasonable op, she should've at least got you a personal gift if not a proper wedding gift 🥺

I don't know how you move forward though - and I suspect there are other issues between you

Would you accept her buying you a make up gift with an apology? x

This is the thing I wouldn’t say there are normally any issues between us apart from the fact that she can be quite self centred (forgets birthdays etc) and I usually accept that is just how she is. This has upset me though as it shows a complete lack of thought.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 08/11/2024 16:59

So she's thoughtless and a liar.

ginasevern · 08/11/2024 16:58

@Magnastorm
"I mean, they turned up and presumably wished you well on the day. A card is just a bit of paper."

You could say that about any thoughtful gesture though. A bunch of flowers is just some foliage, a bottle of wine is just a load of pressed grapes! I mean, we all like to be appreciated sometimes or have special milestones acknowledged. It's the same in every culture worldwide. An actual gift or card (rather than just saying thanks or congratulations) is sometimes very appropriate and can be kept as a mememto. I've found comfort looking at cards I've received over the years, especially if they have a personal message inside.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 08/11/2024 16:48

You're not being unreasonable op, she should've at least got you a personal gift if not a proper wedding gift 🥺

I don't know how you move forward though - and I suspect there are other issues between you

Would you accept her buying you a make up gift with an apology? x

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 08/11/2024 16:45

Abitmiffed1 · 08/11/2024 16:42

Yes they did. I paid for outfits, hair, makeup etc and bought her a gift as a thank you. Accommodation was also paid for.

Show quote history

Fair enough. A card certainly would have been nice from your sister, and it's rude that she couldn't be arsed to pop one on the table. But you already know what she's like, so why focus on this element of your big day? Sure, you can bring it up again, but if she's as selfish and self-centred as you say she is, what is it going to achieve?

whatdoyouthink123456 · 08/11/2024 16:43

Of course that is unreasonable of your sister. It's thoughtless and bad manners to attend a wedding empty handed.

But Mumsnet is some weird corner of the world where 'you aren't entitled to anything and expecting anything from anyone is grabby'

Original poster
Abitmiffed1 · 08/11/2024 16:42

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 08/11/2024 16:35

Was she a good maid of honour? Did her sons dutifully perform their roles? Who paid for their outfits and all of the costs associated with your wedding?

... Did you thank her?

Edited

Yes they did. I paid for outfits, hair, makeup etc and bought her a gift as a thank you. Accommodation was also paid for.

OP posts:
Magnastorm · 08/11/2024 16:36

Did you get her a card thanking her for being your matron of honour and her kids your page boys?

I mean, they turned up and presumably wished you well on the day. A card is just a bit of paper.

Original poster
Abitmiffed1 · 08/11/2024 16:36

CoastalCalm · 08/11/2024 16:33

did it cost her a lot of money to attend ?

No - literally petrol money. Accommodation paid for. Dress, hair, makeup paid for. I bought her a gift also as a thank you.

OP posts:
SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 08/11/2024 16:35

Was she a good maid of honour? Did her sons dutifully perform their roles? Who paid for their outfits and all of the costs associated with your wedding?

... Did you thank her?

Duckyfondant · 08/11/2024 16:33

'Thank you for taking part in my wedding, sister and nephews!'

CoastalCalm · 08/11/2024 16:33

did it cost her a lot of money to attend ?

PaminaMozart · 08/11/2024 16:32

I wouldn't be too upset about the card.

But I expect there is much else that bothers you about your sister.