Not even a card!!

I wouldn't pay much attention to not getting a card. It's not symbolic of her love and care of you. It could be that she felt she was a fully integrated member of the wedding party with decades of shared history and a card wasn't on the agenda. On reflection, this reflects my experience and history with a family member who I love beyond words

cards were left on the table with money in and I was genuinely concerned that a card may have gone missing
Don’t change your story now, op.

Sometimes this place is just full of weirdo's. Of course your sister should have given you a card. A card to say congratulations. It is normal. Why do some people think she shouldn't just because it might have cost her money to attend your wedding or because she was part of the wedding party? Answer - they don't. They just need to be disagreeing with someone's perfectly valid feelings of hurt. It's not a 'thank you for allowing me to attend your wedding' card, it's a bloody congratulations card.

Of course its bad manners to not take even a card to a wedding.

@gedwards666 I’ve been on the bus every day this past week (car problems). No-one thanks the driver anymore. I don’t think they’d hear it anyway, they are cocooned behind their plastic shield.

No one's saying you HAVE to get a card or that you should cause a big stink if someone doesn't get you a card. But I don't think it's unreasonable to feel sad if someone doesn't observe this social convention for you. I guess social conventions are changing and maybe sister doesn't care that much about cards. And if we're generous, perhaps she has not idea that OP cares about cards. Maybe she doesn't go to many weddings. But I think it is a social convention in the UK to take a card to a wedding. It's like thanking the bus driver. No law to say you must, and drivers won't run after you and pelt you with stones if you don't, but it's a polite social convention to do it.

She's gone to a great deal of trouble to show up and take time to celebrate with you. I wouldn't think of expecting a card from close family.

One of our guests didn’t get us a card OP and I thought it was really fucking rude. It was many years ago now but to have him for the day was £60 and he couldn’t be arsed to buy a 2 quid card and stick his name in the bottom of it? Funnily enough we don’t speak any more.

She couldn’t be more physical than with her presence and good wishes. Why would a £3.50 card mean more? Some very rigid thinking on this thread.

Op, this " I think it boils down to the fact that what I have done for her in the past is not reciprocated and it is upsetting." is daft.

Do you do things for people in order that they do things for you? That's a transactional view of relationships and isn't healthy.

If you feel she's taking or taken the piss, then step back.

That saying means that even if it was a card from card factory, the thought counts. Not the thought as in nothing physical.

Yet that really does set people off on here. I think that acknowledgments/thanks in written form isn't needed, but there are many posts asking it it's reasonable to be upset at not getting a thank you card. People even expect them from children. In six weeks time there will be posts re sent Christmas presents. The posters will be told to gift them nothing going forward.

OP, you’re being very rigid about what you think are wedding conventions. Do you know and follow all social conventions yourself? Chill. It’s only a bit of paper. She was there in the flesh and, surely, “it’s the thought that counts “.

Well no, it is being grabby. Why on earth would you expect your sister who more than acknowledged your day, to go write a card. She will be in your wedding photos and videos, i don't really know why you need more than that.

I've recently married and said no gifts, I meant it and was most embarrassed that some did give us gifts. However my brother didn't give me a card and I really don't mind, whole lot will end up in recycling soon anyway. Honestly, you said no gifts so why now complain!

So your sister was matron of honour (ie gave up her day for you), and you're sufficiently angry that she didn't also give you a card that you've contacted her about it and written about this heinous oversight on the internet?

I get it and it does make you wonder if it was intentional. I have a box with my wedding cards in and when we moved recently I went through them and loved all the messages. It was only when I got to the end I realised we didn't receive one from my parents. I've always felt they've never liked my husband or approved of our relationship and this cemented that for me.

Did she contribute to your happiness on your wedding day? Did she help make things go smoothly? Does she love you, do you love her? If so, try to put it behind you. Honestly, there are worse things.

I don’t give cards for any occasion and I don’t like receiving them. I see them as a waste of money and an additional chore for the future when you have to get rid of them. Especially the ones that have pre printed messages in them.

does your sister normally do cards?

I think it’s time to start being ‘forgetful’ on her birthday and at Christmas. I had to have a ‘forgetful’ year regarding my DH’s birthday and other occasions, he was absolutely shocked but it did the trick.

Im really quite shocked your sister hasn't given you at least a card. I'm also quite surprised that some think that is perfectly reasonable. It's not "just a card" either. It's an acknowledgement of a v special occasion to be cherished.

I'd be really hurt and upset You actually saved the family quite a lot of money too......they didn't need to buy special outfits, pay for food, hair, makeup or accommodation.

I'd try my best to put it behind you and don't let it sour what otherwise sounds like a lovely wedding day x

OK so none of my close friends had traditional weddings (either not married or eloped / had tiny registry office after being together years and had kids), my parents didn’t, my cousins didn’t. I don’t know a single person that had adult bridesmaids etc. And I didn’t know you had to take a card with you! I thought you sent the card afterwards like congratulations and thank you for having me? Also if they have a wedding list at John Lewis and you bought a present off that does that count as turning up empty handed? Should I have been getting people a second present?

I would stop sending her presents and cards for her birthday as of today. Stop being a doormat op.