To plan for a baby in an unstable relationship

It would be selfish to bring another baby into your home at this stage of your life, imo.

You already have 2 young children as a young, single mother. You're only 23 and admittedly not in a good place mental health wise, you have a mental health diagnosis, and are in an unstable relationship. Already acknowledging you might end up 'going it alone' essentially is not any kind of good plan.

Being 'broody' is not a good reason to bring another baby into the lives of your children, no matter how much you think they'd 'love' a baby in the house.

Be honest. This isn't about what you want for them; it's what you want for you. And, again, be honest. Would you want you as a mother in your current condition, age, and situation in life?

Focus on the children you have. Do you best by them. That includes not spreading your emotional and financial resources thinner than they already are. And also note that any additional children you bring into the world won't be eligible for universal credit etc should you rely on benefits to supplement your income. Which could really harm the children you already have.

Yes I agree. Babies aren’t toys or accessories. So what if you feel broody? Learn to control it. Your condition unless very carefully managed will already have a detrimental impact on your existing children and the more kids you have the less you will be able to cope. Sorry but it’s true. Let’s not sugar coat what sort of symptoms EUPD involves and how terrifying that can be for a child.

What if it’s a girl?

Well done for asking advice from MN. The fact you are asking makes me think you anticipate that the majority of people would advise you to wait.
Imagine how wonderful it could be to have a baby at 30 when you have an established career and a stable relationship. You would have so much more to give.

I think it normal emotion to feel broody, however, desiring to bring another child into an unstable circumstance is indicative that you need more mental health input. I think this can helpful to explore this with a therapist. I think it may be helpful to consider who your current on an off relationship may be impacting on your children.

Yeah well what if he has a daughter? The whole thing is quite scary as to the level of irresponsibility.

I hold my hands up.
I absolutely do judge a young woman with a significant MH condition with 2 children from 2 different fathers, in an unstable relationship wanting to have a third.

I really hope this thread is a wind-up

Exactly this.

The broodiness will keep coming back and this is what happened to me as I had my first at 17, it becomes an obsession and it’s unhealthy. You’re young enough to pause and take a step back and see how you feel in a few years instead of just having a baby every couple of years .

It's an utterly terrible idea. There has to be something more to your life than having kids with temporary men. Are you working to support your children? It's really no way to live at all and utterly selfish of you to think of bringing more children into your current situation.

But what if you have another girl and you still feel broody in a few years? How many babies will you have before you realise it's best for your children if you don't have any more?

There comes a point for everyone when it's not a good idea to have another baby, however much you want one. From what you've posted, the negatives for your existing children and potential baby outweigh the positives.

I accidentally voted YANBU so I just wanted to say what an utterly idiotic idea this would be and you need to focus on getting help for your EUPD and maybe read some stories from kids whose parents had BPD and what they have gone through as a result. It’s not your fault that you have MH issues but one thing you can do is to focus on the kids you have and not bring any more into this world.

with all due respect: you’re 23 and already planning a 3rd. If you’ll have a 3rd (now) and continue at a similar rate you may very well end up with about 9 children!

you already have two daughters. You’re also a single mother with complex MH issues and most likely limited resources. Having a 3rd will mean that your already limited resources will have to be distributed between 3 instead of 2 children.

That will not benefit your already existing daughters (objectively). I would strongly encourage you to wait a few years before seriously considering a 3rd. You still have soooo much time!

Having a third baby is just one option in how to manage your broodiness.
You are very young, why not put the idea on the back burner for a while and see how you feel in 6 months? In that time you could really focus on managing your EUPD?

You must know that this condition impacts your relationships. You must also know that bringing a child into possible unstable relationship isn't ideal.

Have you spoken about your feeling with your MH nurse?

Please don't

Would you be better thinking about employment opportunities (not sure if you work)

Ok and what happens if you go through with it and have a daughter? Will he be interested then?

A baby is not a six pack of beer that you pick up for your bf because he is thirsty. He “wants a son?” Like:a mini me accessory?

Stop and think about maintaining a strong relationship with someone over the ling haul. Is your bf committed to you and your daughters? Is he intending to be their father? Because it sounds like a baby for him is a permanent problem masquerading as a solution.

What would happen if you got the baby bug again in another 3 or 4 years though? Broodyness isn't the best reason as it recurs with each baby.

Since having my own child wkth my husband, the most stable, solid, loving long term relationship, I've thought how hard it would be to have a baby with any form of instability as it breaks more than makes that kind of dynamic.

I think it sounds like a terrible idea.

So he’d like a son? Red flag right there. What if you have a daughter? Would you try for another kid after that to try to keep him? You’re using children to get certain things and certain feelings - it’s not realistic OP nor is it fair to the children.

This has got to be a joke post right?

baiting people just for their reactions.

if by some slim chance it isn’t please give your head a shake. Three kids by three different fathers and you’re 23. Your relationship isn’t stable of healthy and it sounds like you need to do a lot of work on yourself before you think about a relationship or another child.

It is the absolute worst place to ask. Seriously. It is.
I am a similar age to you and I have 1. I understand the broodiness.
If you want another child, and you can provide for your children then have another one!
You'll get a lot of judgement on here unfortunately!

I would advise to wait. I have a huge family and I have ASD and ADHD. I love my dc but I know I have made big mistakes along the way. My advice to you would be get some long acting contraceptive and just try to concentrate on the children you have now. Then you can see how the relationship and your mental health progress