To plan for a baby in an unstable relationship

Wtf is wrong with you?

She has two kids not twenty.

You have so much time OP you are so young, I would wait a few years concentrate on the two you have x

I worked for social services for a bit…I can predict your future..and it’s not pretty, please don’t have any more kids just yet. Sort yourself out, get some therapy, stablise and heal. Please 🙏

Are we going to pay for this child or are you going to pay for it?

Just no.

You said you push/pull your partner, do you do that with your kids too?

You don't sound like you should have had any children tbh. You're too young and unstable.

Not preventing pregnancies and multiple fathers, short term relationships etc. What do you think you're teaching your girls?

My sympathy for your mental health struggles ends with the lifetime impact you're having on your children.

I think a lot of people can understand the broodiness, OP! It’s not an uncommon experience. However, it’s worth remembering that a core symptom of EUPD is difficulty tolerating strong emotions, which can lead to problematic behaviours and decisions. Most of us just sit with those feelings of broodiness, and accept the discomfort. This isn’t a feeling you need to act on.

The research shows that a reasonable proportion of people actually experience stabilization of symptoms as they approach their late 20’s. A reasonable enough proportion that it’s worth hedging your bets that you will be in that group, and can then REALLY enjoy another baby. The more stress you put yourself under, the less likely you are to be in that group.

I’d also recommend doing some reading around ADHD and making sure it’s not complicating your mental health picture. It’s not uncommon for women with EUPD to have ADHD missed, even though ADHD symptoms may be amplifying impulsivity, chaotic lifestyles and behaviours, rejection sensitivity, and dysregulation.

To make sure you learn to tolerate the emotion and don’t rush in (to support good decision making), perhaps in the conversation with your boyfriend, you could agree you would both like a child together and will revisit the conversation in 12-months, and set some goals for that year. If things are still stable and you have both been able to generally meet your individual and relationship goals, then give yourself permission to go for it. Allowing yourself future permission may make it easier to tolerate the emotion right now, and when the emotion comes, you have goals to work toward so you can meet the emotion with action.

Bas idea for all the reasons cited already. If you love babies, what about training to work in a nursery or even paediatric nursing?

We really need to licence for parenthood.

You’ll only have your ‘proper’ family when you are in a stable relationship. Don’t get pregnant because of some idealised image in your head.

How old is your partner OP? You should wait a year and see how you feel then, if this relationship isn't the one then you've got loads of time to find someone else and have a chance at having that 'proper family'. Your kids will be disadvantaged by you being a single young mum with a low part time income, and far more so if you have a third. So give it another year and then rethink the plan depending on how life is going then. Ultimately you could do everything right and still end up a single mum, and of course your kids will love you anyway, but you deserve that shot at a stable family unit with your next baby and so does the future baby

OP - I think you should think about from a long term perspective - you may want third, however they not be thankful for situation you actively chose to bring them in. Also, you need to consider that your condition may impact on the relationship you build with your children as they get older.

Obviously you are being unreasonable and if you can't see that, it's actually really concerning. You need to prioritise the children you do have. It isn't about YOU. There is nothing wrong with being a single mum and I'm not single mum shaming but to plan a child when you know the relationship isn't stable (which is bad enough for your existing kids without adding a sibling) and knowing you could end up with 3 kids with 3 dads is appalling. Yes people end up in situations which aren't of their doing but this would be. With respect, grow up before you start having more children. And end the relationship as it isn't serving your children if its unstable. Remember you're meant to be putting them first and it sounds like you very much aren't.

3 kids, 3 different dads, mum who is mentally unwell... what could possibly go wrong?

Seriously. The very FACT that you are considering this. @Differentstarts is proof that you are struggling mentally.

Two years isn’t that long. DH and I were dating since age 24 and had our first after 8 years together. You have loads of time.

You're not a family. He is a boyfriend (an unstable one at that). You are a single mother to your children with a boyfriend. He's not even a husband and two years is barely even recent enough to call long term. He is not their father and making him a father to a new child for you to end up being a single parent to is playing with fire.

Focus on the children you have.

You need to remember that they don’t stay babies forever. What will you do when baby number 3 grows up and isn’t a sweet little baby any more? Would you want a fourth? Fifth? I think you may be addicted to wanting babies. I get it, I feel a lot of people would have more kids in the right circumstances. But let’s be honest, you’re not in the right circumstances.

You feel like you can raise your kids as a single mother (and well done you for doing it already). But it’s not fair on the child to purposely be brought into an unstable relationship. How will you provide for the kids? How will you juggle raising three kids whilst working? Do you have the appropriate accommodation to have a third? You are still so young. You’ve got plenty of time to have a third. Why the rush? Enjoy what you have. Enjoy your girls, get your mental health sorted and find yourself a stable relationship. You and your girls deserve the best 🥰

Then so be it. She already has 2.

It doesn't sound like OP is in the best position to do so at the moment

Children of parents with mental health issues sadly do suffer. They live through the highs and lows alongside their parent. Alongside that, separation (especially your eldest who doesn’t see her father), the on and off nature of your relationship all create a very unstable home life. Children thrive on structure and routine, this is what helps them feel safe and secure.
I don’t mean to sound harsh and although I do not have a mental health condition however I do have a medical condition and the impact on my dd during my bad times is clear to see - her anxiety builds.
I fully understand being broody too, my dd was ivf. Due to my health and the impact of changing/switching meds during pregnancy I have very sadly came to the realisation that I can’t go through ivf again as I do not want to put my dd through the worry of me being unwell. Has it been easy? No. Am I sad about it and do I still get emotional? Yes.
Please focus on the girls you have, either build a strong and steady relationship with your partner or alone and appreciate what you do have. Another child to another father is not the answer here, especially when you are quite blasé about the relationship working out.

This !!