Rejected for birthday action - AIBU or is he?

Yeah, I couldn’t get past that either. It would feel depressingly as if sex was some kind of annual treat, or like those grim cave-mannish memes about the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day being Steak and Blowjob Day.

Love this response. Same here! 🤣

I just find that attitude a bit grim, really.

Birthday shags are not a thing, birthday presents are. And shags when you are both in the mood is a thing. But birthday shags??

your post has given me the Ick.
you can't forse someone to have sex with you because it's your birthday.

I find this a bit unfair! I mean if you’re not up for it, it’s hard to make yourself!! Sometimes I’m at work and game for it, then get home have dinner and the mood has gone! Sometimes I do it anyway or other times I just say sorry I’m not in the mood! Or I’ll satisfy him and then go to sleep.
I think you’re being unfair to him. You say he rejected you once two months ago!! Hardly every day is it!

I don’t think it’s a reflection on you, and I don’t think it’s a major issue unless it’s constantly happening but twice in a year seems normal? My DP and I never expect it from each other if it happens it happens. Some of the best ones are the unexpected unplanned ones

Perfunctory sex on demand is not appealing.

’Birthday shags’ aren’t a thing in my house, but that’s probably due to the fact that DH and I have sex pretty much daily, so making a fuss over special occasion sex is something I can’t relate to.

How frequently do you and your partner have sex usually? If it’s multiple times per week, I see no issue with him not being in the mood/feeling tired and declining on two occasions in the last few months, just a shame one of those coincided with your birthday celebration. It would be a possible indication of a deeper issue and sexual incompatibility if you only have sex infrequently and he’s seemingly not too keen.

All that said, he’s entitled to not be up for it for whatever reason without getting guilted/shamed for it. I agree with PPs that the moment to have sex was when you mentioned the new underwear - far more spontaneous and sexy rather than waiting until the end of the night.

I would make sure I wasn't tired if it was DH's birthday!

How does that work, given that tiredness is a natural thing and not something that can/cannot be planned?

Or do you mean you'd have sex when you really didn't want to, just because it's is birthday?

You're a shitty person to expect him to have sex when he's not in the mood. If this was a man posting about his wife there would be hell on.

I think it's a bit much to assume some massive mismatch in the bedroom based on the poor bloke not wanting sex every couple of months.

Have to say, I'd far rather someone was honest than have an obligation shag.

I feel so unsexy and completely not up for sex after food and drink in this situation, it’s not just being tired it’s being bloated and full that puts me off. I really want to enjoy myself and give my all to sex so if I am tired and bloated I will usually just defer it until the morning. I am not really much of an evening sex person I am at my best in the mornings. I don’t have sex after alcohol often either as it numbs me maybe I am weird 😂

I’m not a fan of sex after food tbh. A glass Of champagne and nibbles sure but give me a lump of meat and a cheeseboard and I’ll be asleep very shortly.

OP I understand. I would make sure I wasn't tired if it was DH's birthday! Different if you're ill of course, can't be helped. I think you're mismatched in the bedroom. There are people who only have it if they're super in the mood beforehand. But realistically how often is that going to happen when you both work full time and have young children to look after? Personally I always make the effort if my DH suggests it (he would never suggest it if I was ill/on my period/upset about something as he's a decent human being). If I didn't we would do it very infrequently indeed!

I do think some people on here are a bit blinkered about how important it can be in a relationship. Then they're shocked when DP up and leaves! It really doesn't have to be a case of being abused or doing something you hate. Just a case of getting started when you can't be particularly bothered. If you don't get into it pretty quickly then you're probably with the wrong person!

If someone is writing the exact same post, several months apart, I’d like to know. I assume there are others who would, as well. If you aren’t interested, do please ignore me.

and? Hate these posts! What exactly do they add to the thread?!

Yes! They were really irate about being rejected for ‘birthday sex’, which they seemed to think was a standard thing. I’ll see if I can find it.

I know, I genuinely thought they were being sarcastic until I read on!

Jackie Fabulous says that nobody ever has sex when they're really full, and if Jackie Fabulous says it, it must be true.

Your expectations and your sex drive are not the problem.

It's your rejection issues that you seem intent on ignoring?

'Undesirable' just because someone doesn't fancy sex with you?