To ask for stepson to stay at his mums this weekend?

It makes perfect sense, I'm sure you all want all the children to enjoy the wedding next week. I can't see why anyone would risk messing it up with illness if the chances of that happening can be limited.

The thing is if your other child or your dh or even yourself got ill you would just suck it up and hope for the best. You wouldn't insist one of them move out until they're recovered. So expecting your dss to change arrangements kind of sends the message that he's set apart from the rest of the family.

I do totally understand your concerns and when my dc is very poorly he wants to stay home with me anyway. But I think you need to tread carefully if he actually wants to come. It's this sort of stuff that can cause divides and resentment for stepchildren.

But where he might feel happiest is with his dad - you need to give him that choice. He’s one of your DP’s kids so if you would have yours with you he might want him with him too - I have a stepson and would always take him when he’s ill if he wanted to come to see his Dad - it’s one of the risks of having kids. Especially if your daughter is going to school and could equally catch germs there!

I'm glad to see you are not getting slated, usually anything on here concerning 'step kids' make you automatically the wicked step mother.

I think it's very sensible. Did covid not teach us anything about germs?

OP, you could consider getting your thread moved to Stepparenting?

When children of separated parents live between two houses, you have a natural quarantine arrangement if required. Under these circumstances it would be sensible to use it.

I'd still ask mum and DS's if he could /wants to stay at home. If he does want to come that idea sounds like the best plan.

What would you do if it was your other kid that was ill? Ship them off somewhere else?

You have a young kid you want to protect from getting sick, its also pretty miserable to uproot a sick kid for a different house. I would suggest it even without the wedding. Maybe your DP could see if he could go visit him at the mums house instead?

Organising several nights away with 2 kids seems overkill when there is a very reasonable alternative.
The child is at his dad’s every single weekend, staying at his mum’s because he is poorly is really not going to be disturbing for him…

Is he well enough to be out and about? You could suggest your DH takes him for a day out instead? Or maybe he could come and you take your children to stay elsewhere?

Personally, I don’t think it’s fair to a child to disrupt their routine of seeing their father for the sake of someone else’s wedding.

To add - when my son got Covid, he just stayed in his room, and we ferried food to him - he didn't see me and DS2 barely at all for about 3 days!

I think it's a fair ask - I hear all the people saying your daughter is exposed at school, but that's a daily risk that someone might be sick, vs. the clear and obvious risk of spending the weekend with someone who absolutely is.

TBH, if he was to come, wouldn't he just want to spend the whole weekend on the settee though? If I was him I wouldn't want to bother coming anyway.

If he does come, I think I'd just keep the little ones away from him, in a separate room, keep them out the house if possible and just do everything you can to segregate for the couple of days.

Absolutely understandable under the circumstances. I wouldn't risk it either.

I think that under the circumstances it’s a fair ask, as it’s not just because he’s unwell but due to everyone’s plans next weekend. You sound like a lovely step mum. Yes there are lots of bugs doing the rounds but your step son is unwell enough to be off school so is likely infectious and will have prolonged contact with you all. Could you offer to have him for some extra time to compensate over the next couple of weeks if it would help to win his mum over.

Presumably your DD is going to school and is exposed to the 30 odd children in her class so no I wouldn't ask him not to come, if she was home schooled etc then perhaps but you can't avoid bugs at that age

Why?

Presumably he won't be going now, even if he was originally included, because he's been ill?
OP yanbu to ask if his mum could please keep him at her house this weekend.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask. Her response is likely to depend on the general relationship with you all usually.

Offer to provide “just eats” or similar all weekend or offer to have him extra days whenever she needs it etc (but I hope you already do that)
Yes your daughter could pick something up at school, but DSS is now a known risk.

If he does come, you’d spend the weekend excluding him and sanitising everywhere which would be a bit cruel when he already feels a bit rubbish, so kinder to him to stay at mums.

It depends on personal circumstances. You could ask and Mum might be happy to have him. But if Mum works weekends and would need to take time off Dad should have him.

I think if would be unfair to ask that he stays with his Mum. Get him to do a Covid test when he arrives and if positive, wear masks, semi-isolate, etc. If it’s just a headcold, take the usual precautions. Your DD could pick something up at school just as easily.

There is some nasty things doing their rounds at school however if you have the type of relationship where you can ask her this ( assuming step son is happy to do so ) it shouldn't be much of an issue ?