To ask for stepson to stay at his mums this weekend?

Hmmmm, as a step child myself I'm probably a bit sensitive here but it really should be up to the boy where he wants to be.

You really are sensitive. I’m a stepchild too , and I don’t think that the child should get to choose in these circumstances.

Sometimes adults need to make choices for them based on current problems/events eg at the moment he is ill. If he wants to go to his dad’s while he’s ill then other people might catch it before of an important event. That’s not fair.

Sometimes they can’t do what they want, but it doesn’t mean they’re being abandoned.

I’m a step parent and I’m also a step child. At age 12, you don't get to call the shots.

And you’re splitting hairs about ‘homes’. I think most people think ‘home’ is the place you live for the majority of time, which in this case, is DSS’s Mum’s house

If I was the dss's mum, I would keep him at home anyway. Why risk it on a point of principle.

Completely agree with you both. Making unwell children move between houses like property speaks loudly of parental entitlement, rather than putting the child first.

Sounds a lovely solution to me.

I would ask if he is well enough to come round. If you explain it to your husband and let him explain it to their child's mum then I am sure she will understand. He will have lots of fun next weekend at the wedding.

It's perfectly sensible for him to stay where he is if he's ill especially because you all have an important event next weekend.

That sounds like a great compromise

Jeez, ignore the haters OP.

I do think all the people who bleat on about you 'obviously not caring' or 'farming him off' 'dumping him' etc, are literally only talking theory here, anyone who has had real life experience (like myself) of having an awful stepmum who hated my very presence in my dads life and did everything she could to make me feel unwelcome and not part of their family, or if they have suffered any sort of abuse at the hand of a step-parent they wouldn't be berating you for wanting to miss one weekend.. he isn't being punished here, so these people need to get a grip on reality.

You're doing a great job, keep it up, and hope you all enjoy the wedding next weekend.

We have an agreement that if any of the kids at home are ill or DSS is unwell that we keep them separate of its obviously something viral (so not including headaches or similar). This is just to stop everyone getting unwell. If we can avoid time off school, then great but also so is adults avoid it too. I'm a full time carer for our youngest and my mum so need to be well enough as much as possible for that and then everyone else works so doesn't want the time off work.
It's always worked well for usfor over 10 years now, so this is something I don't see an issue with.

I think that's perfectly reasonable and if I was his mum I'd prefer to have him close while sick anyway.

Honestly I don't know why people are jumping on you, it's perfectly reasonable to ask if he can stay there for one weekend, it's not like you're asking him to go to someone he doesn't know or isn't comfortable with, it's his home with his mum for goodness sake. I'd be doing the exact same thing in your situation.

It sounds logical but your husband could catch it, and still give it to you and your daughter anyway in a week.

How accomadation is the mum. I think that’s totally reasonable. Maybe that you still plan to take dss to the wedding, but want everyone well for it.

She isn't farming him out or dumping him. He's staying with his mum. So I imagine her DS's isn't going to suffer too much from his own mother looking after him and his dad going in to see him (I assume dad will be wearing a mask).
This is MN where stepmums are the scum of the earth but you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Hmmmm, as a step child myself I'm probably a bit sensitive here but it really should be up to the boy where he wants to be.

Lots of folk saying, he'll want to stay at home - OP's home IS his home.

I kind of get it OP. I'm a bio mum. You do sound like a lovely SM.

Could his dad pop and see him? That sounds like a really good compromise. If he's well enough to just go for 1 hour trip to Maccy Ds or something? I think that gesture would mean an awful lot to him.
He might just want to stay with his mum but the gesture of his dad would be quite significant in my view.

I think it's ok to ask mum to do a COVID test based on wedding? Hopefully she's reasonable and your husband can ask in a diplomatic way

Sounds like a good outcome, with everyone's thoughts and feelings taken into account. You sound lovely OP. Ignore the negativity.

Dss is at home, Ill and comfy being looked after by his mum who is happy with keeping him. No 45 minutes in a car feeling shit. Dad’s going to see him with some comfort food and a treat. Dss will be well enough to go to wedding with his family next week. Everyone is happy. Not sure Why there is any hatred? Sounds like a good outcome op

@Motherofdragons20 He’s 12, not a little boy. He’ll understand how germs are spread and/or understand an explanation.

It sounds as if the situation’s been resolved anyway and he’s fine with it.

I think it’s reasonable to ask and in an attempt to keep good relations I would just be honest and say yous would be happy to keep hin an extra two days the next weekend to give her a long weekend. If she is not open to the idea then I don’t think there’s much you can do other than maybe organise a girls day with your daughter this weekend, take her out yourself and try and keep them separate as much as possible without it being obvious as of course that wouldn’t be nice for the little boy if he is being treated like a leper.