Friend wants to meet up but I’m an after thought

Sounds ok to me.
Normal for people to tie in seeing / doing various things when they're visiting.
I think it sounds like you're wanting to find some reason to be offended.

She's obviously fitting everyone in while she's visiting the area, so how does that make you an afterthought?! Are you pissed off because she shouldn't be meeting up with the friends who dropped you? Maybe the day that she's seeing them is the only day they can all meet up. Simple answer though, if you don't think she's enough of a friend and don't want to see her, don't!

Is the problem here that she didn’t take your side with the other friends ?

I think you are being unreasonable to call yourself an afterthought. She’s allowed to keep up friendships even if they aren’t with people you approve of.

It’s completely within your right though to decline the invite and drift from the friendship and you feel she has.

I think I would go. You have nothing to lose and you may well have a lovely time.

Well it's hard as I'd say there's a lot of information not included. If whatever happened regarding your mental health was so severe that a group of people, for whatever for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly have effectively cut you off, it sounds like she has stuck by you and has made the effort to reach out and ensure she sees you.

Friendship is also a 2 way street. If you both haven't seen each other that much, have you made the effort ?

Only you know what is best for you do to but it would be a shame to lose a friend who has prioritised time with you.

Are you always going to visit her? Do you know the people she is going out with?
Personally I think she is making a big effort to separately see you. I go to London with work and often only see one person at a time as it knackers me out!

If you think/feel she is seeing you as a way of killing time or out of a sense of obligation then don’t go, it isn’t worth it.
If she is the last connection between you and the old friendship group you referred to and you feel the friendship between you and her is one sided then don’t go, get a clean mental health break from it all.

But it sounds like she is making the effort to see you as well as the friends you no longer associate with so you may decide it’s worth one last chance.

I would also ask… have you invited her for a visit? Sometimes people wait to be asked and if you have had poor mental health and been dealing with a young child she may have been giving you space and waiting for the invite.

She is travelling to see other people in the evening on the first night of her arrival and the next day, probably during the daytime, and making the assumption that you would be more available to meet during the day and not at night, she has arranged to me you (either with or without your kid).

I don't see this as an afterthought. I see this as actually being considerate of your situation.

I also think that it might be your mental health talking (or thinking) here.

Meet up with her, you may actually enjoy it.

I don't see why you think you're an afterthought - it sounds like she wants to meet you, otherwise she wouldn't have contacted you at all! It's up to you though. If you don't want to meet her then that's totally up to you.

It sounds like your mental health issues have already led to friendships ending. If you want to remain friends then I'd be kinder to the friend as she has stayed in touch; I'd go alone to meet her and chat about positive things that are going on in your lives.

I have a friend like this who has MH issues I've taken a step back as, she needed to sort herself out, I was drained with the constant all being about her and her issues and when I was poorly never bothered to ask how I was at all. I've taken a huge step back to let her sort her stuff out , I can't deal with the draining of it all anymore and she has to help herself. Doesn't mean I'm no longer her friend, but what have you done to try and maintain the friendship , without it being all about you? Ask yourself that.
Because I find people who have a lot going on , tend to focus on just them.
I would meet up without your toddler and try and see where the friendships at ?

I don’t think you’re an afterthought but if you don’t want to see this friend and you aren’t looking forward to it then don’t see her and please don’t feel bad about it.

Have you offered to visit her since she las saw your daughter?
Friendships are not one-way streets

Sounds like you’re punishing her for still being friends with the people who you feel let you down.

She didn’t have to reach out to you - she could have had her night out with her friends and not bothered with you. You’re being unfair.

go! She wants to see you. She likes you.

you might be feeling conflicted as maybe you are sad about not going on the big night out? But don’t lose out because of that?

I would see your friend - why not? You are over-thinking the whys and wherefores, just meet and enjoy catching up.

Even if your friendship is destined to fizzle in the future, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a catch-up now.

You say she's made no effort to keep in touch...have you?

As an ex-army brat I’ve got a lot of good friends all over the country. We rarely text/call each other as each have our ‘home’ lives to be getting on with but we arrange to see each other once a year or so and it’s really lovely when we do see each other. It sounds as though she does want to see you, or would not have made plans, but maybe just has different expectations of how your day-to-day friendship operates.

Make the most of having a nice day out with a friend who wants to see you. Unlike PPs, I don’t think there’s a problem taking your toddler if you don’t have easy childcare arrangements but might be nice to have some adult time to really catch up.

Forget for now what's gone on in the past.

You're not an afterthought - your friend is making the most of her trip and has asked to see you.

A pp has suggested to not take your DD, I disagree with this - take her along to 'lighten the atmosphere' so the conversation doesn't get too deep or stray on to you expressing hurt feelings, etc. I hope you have a nice day meeting your friend and being out and about with your daughter.

I've got old friends up north who I don't see for years and we're still good friends. Things change with distance and with having DC, even without MH issues in the mix. If you like her, I wouldn't be closing off from the friendship. It sounds like you could do with keeping an old friend even if she's not the greatest.

What is it you actually want, though? To be invited on the night out with the other friends you’re no longer in contact with? Would you actually go? How many times have you travelled to see her?

It doesn't sound to me as though you are an after thought OP.

She must genuinely want to see you or else she wouldn't have bothered making contact to make arrangements with you.

There's obviously a lot of " stuff " gone on in your life with your mental health issues and losing your friendship group.

I think you should meet up with her without out your child. But you would need to try and go along with an open mind and not feeling resentful of what you perceive as lack of interest in yourself and your child. Because if you go along to meet her feeling resentful I don't think the meeting will go well.

Try and see this as a gesture of renewal of friendship.

How many times have you travelled north to visit her? If she is the only one making the long journey, then it sounds like she is making a perfectly reasonable amount of effort towards you to maintain the friendship. Are you making the same amount of effort towards her in terms of travel?

She wants to see you! Go and enjoy a few hours together and see how it goes.

You have a child now, that can change friendships as you can't do as much. Did you have PND? Regardless of that, your friend is making the effort to see you so I'd give her a chance.