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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be absolutely disgusted at my date?

145 replies

lullabellee · 08/11/2024 00:08

He drove and when we got back to mine and parked up we had a kiss. I had a top on with a zip down the middle and he went to pull it down and I said no, this happened twice. I then got out the car and he quickly apologised that “he gets a bit carried away”.

Surely my first no should have been enough?

OP posts:
ladykale · 08/11/2024 05:12

*wise up

ladykale · 08/11/2024 05:11

Opentooffers · 08/11/2024 01:08

Never get into another man's car on a first date, or show them where you live. That's basic precautions unless you already know him. Otherwise they could drive you anywhere, or pester you in future at your home.

This!

Bizarre basic safety is called victim blaming always.

We KNOW all men can't be trusted so we have to wide up ladies.

Just like security companies say don't leave valuables within view or lock your doors. You would never get in a stranger's car.

First date - man IS a stranger!

Zanatdy · 08/11/2024 05:07

I’d be blocking him immediately. So inappropriate

PottedPlantCrazy · 08/11/2024 05:02

staceyflack · 08/11/2024 00:39

I am serious @bluecampbell yes. Its called wisdom / personal safety / self protection. What would anyone with daughters advise them?

I'm sorry your date was a predatory arsehole @lullabellee . Not my intention to blame you for his shit behaviour, how disappointing and upsetting. Unfortunately a large proportion of men in my experience aren't trustworthy. Better luck next time.

Edited

I fully agree with you. In no way were you victim blaming here in my opinion. Basic safety advice for this day and age. I would be worried about him knowing where I live after that..!

BusterGonad · 08/11/2024 05:00

Not victim shaming at all. Common sense due to some men being predictory. I wouldn't want my sister, daughter, friend going on a 1st date with a man she doesn't know, picked up/dropped off in his car. It is a really venerable position to be in. No one is blaming the Op.

Teanbiscuits33 · 08/11/2024 04:33

staceyflack · 08/11/2024 00:19

First date?
If so... you are being completely unreasonable to be in his car.

I agree with you. Yes, she absolutely should be able to feel safe in his car, and yes, regardless of where they are, his actions are entirely HIS fault. There is no victim blaming. However, as we know, women can’t afford to have that level of trust in a man they have only just met so I can see why this poster is bemused. I wouldn’t have a strange man in a private space with me, nor let him see my house. There’s nothing wrong with pointing that out.

Years ago, a friend had been chatting to a man on a dating site for a matter of hours, but invited him around to her house that same night where her young child was also asleep upstairs. Before he came, she happened to tell me the arrangements and I told her it was really quite dangerous, but she insisted she wouldn’t have felt comfortable meeting at a bar or something?? He sexually assaulted her. Although I don’t think it was her fault (it’s always the perpetrator’s fault) I couldn’t help thinking she’d been bloody stupid!

Therealjo · 08/11/2024 04:21

Sorry off topic... the the name mudflaps made me laugh 😃

Heybearu · 08/11/2024 04:18

staceyflack · 08/11/2024 00:19

First date?
If so... you are being completely unreasonable to be in his car.

This ..
Im feeling really worried about your safety and boundaries that you would let someone know where you live on a first date, and go in there car.
Please be safe going forward

And yes he was a dick about the top

CrowleyKitten · 08/11/2024 04:16

no second date then, for Mr I don't respect women.

Richiewoo · 08/11/2024 03:54

Please block him. Not you tell him hes a dirty pervert.

Richiewoo · 08/11/2024 03:53

staceyflack · 08/11/2024 00:19

First date?
If so... you are being completely unreasonable to be in his car.

Are you for real

CalicoPusscat · 08/11/2024 03:27

He sounds grim, not respecting your boundaries

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/11/2024 03:27

Urgh, sounds like a man I recently dumped for asking me to send him a picture of my recent serious chest injury "because I like seeing your boobs lol". ICK ICK ICK.

PaminaMozart · 08/11/2024 03:17

Opentooffers · 08/11/2024 01:08

Never get into another man's car on a first date, or show them where you live. That's basic precautions unless you already know him. Otherwise they could drive you anywhere, or pester you in future at your home.

Absolutely!

Keep safe out there...

Guavafish1 · 08/11/2024 03:09

Rapist in the making

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/11/2024 03:06

Yes, no means no. You shouldn’t have had to tell him no twice.

ShouldIEvenBother · 08/11/2024 02:15

A man who does this does not view women as people.

Women are merely a collection of holes to hopefully ejaculate into.

He didn't like the first "no", and did not have any respect for your boundaries.

This tells you everything you must know about him - nothing else matters.

Block and delete the fucker.

StressedQueen · 08/11/2024 02:03

It's horrible. No means no

Opentooffers · 08/11/2024 01:08

Never get into another man's car on a first date, or show them where you live. That's basic precautions unless you already know him. Otherwise they could drive you anywhere, or pester you in future at your home.

TomatoPumpkin · 08/11/2024 01:05

My husband, who I’ve been married to for 10 years and dated for idk, 2 or 3 years before that did something similar to me today and I lost it at him. It’s gross. Get rid now

SpiggingBelgium · 08/11/2024 01:03

He sounds creepy. And he wants to grope you in the car, so you can add tacky onto creepy. You are right to not want him near you again!

andthat · 08/11/2024 00:59

SendMeHomeNow · 08/11/2024 00:20

Victim blaming much!! She should be able to trust that he won’t act without consent wherever they are.

Show quote history

She should be able to.
Fact is that she can’t.

Mudflaps · 08/11/2024 00:43

He shouldn't have even tried the first time, if you wanted your zip lowered you're capable of doing it yourself or asking him to, trying the second time proves he's a pushy prick who needs to left on his own. I hope your not giving him another chance.
I'd hate to be dating today (I'm 53 and married), there were some idiots out there years ago and I met a few but mostly they were polite and pretty genuine. I'm still good friends with a few ex's which is a good sign I think.

staceyflack · 08/11/2024 00:39

I am serious @bluecampbell yes. Its called wisdom / personal safety / self protection. What would anyone with daughters advise them?

I'm sorry your date was a predatory arsehole @lullabellee . Not my intention to blame you for his shit behaviour, how disappointing and upsetting. Unfortunately a large proportion of men in my experience aren't trustworthy. Better luck next time.

JMSA · 08/11/2024 00:32

Sadly very typical of men on the dating scene these days. Extremely presumptuous.