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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let neighbour use my shower!

788 replies

NavyOrca · 07/11/2024 23:49

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OP posts:
cherish123 · 08/11/2024 12:43

Agreed
It might be difficult to say no, though.
I don't see why she can't have a bath until the shower is fixed. I couldn't imagine asking a neighbour this.

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Did you ask mummy if you could use her internet, from the basement?

Toomanyemails · 08/11/2024 12:41

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 12:35

It's a very mainstream view to want privacy and feel relaxed, nothing extreme about it. It was pretty unkind of the neighbour to try to be a cheeky fucker though.

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To the extent of not allowing a (female) neighbour you have a friendly relationship with to borrow your shower during a week when you plan on being home? I'm not sure I know anyone who'd refuse that and would find it really unusual.

Neighbour isn't asking to join OP in her shower unless this is the biggest drip feed ever

SereneFish · 08/11/2024 12:39

This reply has been deleted

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MrsSlocombesCat · 08/11/2024 12:36

Fangirl79 · 08/11/2024 12:34

Organise and pay for a decent rehearsal dinner for the wedding party- that's traditionally the Groom's patents' responsibility- and assume he will thank you for that.

I'm seeing the alternative MN thread where the Bride's mother writes 'DH and I organised and paid for our DD's engagement party. The whole thing fell on our shoulders yet future SIL's mother insisted she should have been thanked as well as DH and me. AIBU to think you should only be thanked for what you actually contribute?'

I think you posted on the wrong thread?

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 12:35

Toomanyemails · 08/11/2024 12:28

I've asked this of people before. It's an absolute nightmare and getting to a gym or hotel can be expensive and is a faff depending where you live.

It sounds more like you have a strong need for privacy/feeling fully relaxed in your own space rather than being unkind. Which is fair enough but still puts you at one extreme of the spectrum which is why it could damage your relationship. Think how you could make it manageable for you, eg by giving specific times, maybe making it clear you won't have time to chat etc (she doesn't have to know your plans is doing nothing!)

It's a very mainstream view to want privacy and feel relaxed, nothing extreme about it. It was pretty unkind of the neighbour to try to be a cheeky fucker though.

MrsSlocombesCat · 08/11/2024 12:35

Croydex make a shower you can slip on to taps - my adult son with OCD has to shower after he uses the toilet, so I bought one when our electric shower broke down. They're cheap and easy to use. By the way I don't mean those ones you just use for washing hair, this is a proper shower.

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 12:34

SereneFish · 08/11/2024 11:33

Most people really don't share your bizarre views and suspect of everyone's bodily run-off to be diseased.

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Eww... why are you talking about run offs? I sure didn't. What a bizarre view.

Fangirl79 · 08/11/2024 12:34

Organise and pay for a decent rehearsal dinner for the wedding party- that's traditionally the Groom's patents' responsibility- and assume he will thank you for that.

I'm seeing the alternative MN thread where the Bride's mother writes 'DH and I organised and paid for our DD's engagement party. The whole thing fell on our shoulders yet future SIL's mother insisted she should have been thanked as well as DH and me. AIBU to think you should only be thanked for what you actually contribute?'

purpleme12 · 08/11/2024 12:33

I'm not sure that was worth quoting me for

Blueskieslookingatme · 08/11/2024 12:32

purpleme12 · 08/11/2024 00:11

😂😂

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In OP's position I'd let neighbour use the shower in case I ever needed her help in return.
BUT, in the neighbour's position I'd rather flannel wash using a bucket in the shower stall and wash my hair over the sink using a jug to rinse.
I wouldn't bother someone I don't know very well - and especially for that length of time - for what is not an emergency situation.

GabriellaMontez · 08/11/2024 12:28

Yanbu.

She has a bath, cold shower, flannel wash, or goes to the gym and uses theirs.

Not a chance.

Toomanyemails · 08/11/2024 12:28

I've asked this of people before. It's an absolute nightmare and getting to a gym or hotel can be expensive and is a faff depending where you live.

It sounds more like you have a strong need for privacy/feeling fully relaxed in your own space rather than being unkind. Which is fair enough but still puts you at one extreme of the spectrum which is why it could damage your relationship. Think how you could make it manageable for you, eg by giving specific times, maybe making it clear you won't have time to chat etc (she doesn't have to know your plans is doing nothing!)

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/11/2024 12:25

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/11/2024 11:59

Preferably, yes.

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@BettyBardMacDonald

lol! Have friends over often do you??

StandingSideBySide · 08/11/2024 12:25

R053 · 08/11/2024 06:18

A flannel wash? It’s not the same and who knows what personal medical issues she is dealing with eg effusive sweating or something like that.

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Good point
who knows what medical issues a stranger could have using the bathroom. 🤔

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 08/11/2024 12:17

I wouldn't DREAM of asking a neighbour this. Surely she can just boil the kettle and wash with a flannel? It's not like she has no water, just no shower!

Brefugee · 08/11/2024 12:16

praise be, nobody got ill due to alien bodily runoff into our drains.

that you know of. yet.

Brefugee · 08/11/2024 12:15

KnittingKnotting · 08/11/2024 11:54

Excellent. Anyone else?

The thing is people tend to disappear. We’ve had people say they’ll help others out before and then mysteriously disappear. Most people saying they would do it are chatting shite.

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well I'm in Germany, but sure, send her over.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 08/11/2024 12:14

I think it's a really odd request and a bit cheeky. I wouldn't dream of using my neighbours shower.
I'm assuming she can still wash using hot water from a kettle or go to a friend or relative. Just say no, its not convenient for me right now.

AdoraBell · 08/11/2024 12:12

YANBU if feel uncomfortable about it OP but I would let my neighbour to use my shower in these circumstances.

Brefugee · 08/11/2024 12:12

the underlying issue that this (and so so so many other MN threads) shows is that:

People cannot have ordinary adult conversations.

Neighbour on a friendly dog walk with OP: oh Sharon my shower is broken and i can't get a plumber in for two weeks, any chance i could use yours every other day until then?

OP: oh sorry, i wouldn't feel comfortable with that

Neighbour: ok then, i thought i may as well ask, who knows.

It is very very simple.

KimberleyClark · 08/11/2024 12:09

saraclara · 08/11/2024 12:08

Puts hand up if she's in Bedfordshire.

I really don't get the problem. I'm a very private person, but jeeze, I'd so appreciate this of it was me without hot water for a week, so would want to help.

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For the gazillionth time, she has hot water. It’s her shower that’s not working, not her boiler.

saraclara · 08/11/2024 12:09

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/11/2024 11:59

Preferably, yes.

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😮

Magnastorm · 08/11/2024 12:08

KimberleyClark · 08/11/2024 12:06

That was an actual emergency. Shower not working, when you still have hot water, is not an emergency.

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It's the same principle though, of not being a bit of a selfish arsehole. I hope if the OP ever needs any help the neighbour tells them where to go too.

saraclara · 08/11/2024 12:08

KnittingKnotting · 08/11/2024 11:51

Yes this. 😂😂😂

Come on all those who are quick to volunteer OPs shower and time, where are you all based. We will have OPs neighbour sorted in no time.

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Puts hand up if she's in Bedfordshire.

I really don't get the problem. I'm a very private person, but jeeze, I'd so appreciate this of it was me without hot water for a week, so would want to help.

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