to not let neighbour use my shower!

I have lived next to my neighbour for 32 years. She is in her 80s now and we have always got on well. Not in each other's pockets, but we always chat, always pick up parcels/post.keep an eye on each other's houses if the other is away, and, for most of the 32 years, she has been invited in for drinks and mince pies before Christmas - it has become a bit of a 'tradition'.
Eight years ago, we had our bathroom refitted meaning that the loo was going to be out of use for just one day (only one loo in the house). I asked it if might be possible for us to use her loo on the odd necessary occasion. We were going to my sister's for showers, but she is a drive away, whereas my neighbour is 10 steps away if I needed a quick wee!
I was actually speechless when the neighbour's answer to my plea was a big fat NO!
I WFH so I ended up weeing in a bucket in the garage! At least DH could use his work's facilities!!
Still get on with the neighbour and she will be in for her mince pies again soon, but I have never forgotten how unhelpful she was!!

I probably wouldn't ask but I'd be happy to let a neighbour use mine, and I was once asked.

I understand that. I'd hate to not have access to a proper shower, you bet I'd find one somehow. But I wouldn't ask my neighbour or anyone other than close family. I wouldn't even want to ask my best friend, though have invited her to use my shower once.

I think that response is cultural rather than moral - an Englishman and his castle / privacy and all of that. I am so glad I had a shower when I went through perimenopause and was heavily flooding with my periods. Top and tailing would have been such a struggle and I would have been in tears.

Sometimes things feel like a big deal then actually they're not. Imagine being in the same position and really needing help. Discuss a time slot with her and help out. You'll have a warm fuzzy feeling about it all for weeks

A lot more recently than the 80s, my parents were 'top and tailing' for a bit when their shower died this year. They'd also never dream of asking the neighbours to use their shower.

Tell her no, simple.

In the interests of being neighbourly, I would let her, but at certain times on certain days, for a certain period of time. However, you can pay to just shower at some council owned leisure centres, I think, so that's another option for her. I understand why you'd feel uncomfortable though.

Thank goodness for our lovely neighbours. We live in a small cul de sac with a real range of age groups.Some we know better than others.But everyone is friendly and we all help each other out.Bins out when away,DH took a plunger up to unblock one of elderly neighbours sink , our neighbour has told us to use her drive when we've had extra visitors etc.I would have no problem letting my neighbour that I knew well enough to walk my dogs with use my shower several times.A sink wash is nowhere near as nice as a full shower.
Doing someone a favour .Maybe you'll need one in return someday ?

@NavyOrca that's very generous of you and I'm sure your neighbour will be grateful. Yes good neighbours and good neighbourly relations are worth their weight in gold, but that surely doesn't mean saying yes to absolutely every request. I would have either declined, or offered a one-off. I'd explain that it's not something I'm comfortable with.

If that meant that my neighbour then became frosty towards me and our relationship soured, then fine. If there is a perceived prerequisite that no boundaries ever should be enforced in order to maintain a good relationship, then it was never a good relationship.

I wash my hair using the bathroom sink every time! Just needs a jug, no problem at all.

Excellent compromise, @NavyOrca . For all those saying she can just have a body wash at the sink, washing her hair that way is not as easy a prospect. I'd be very happy with twice a week in her position.

No chance. Our boiler was broke for a week last year and we wouldn’t have asked anyone we didn’t know well to have used their shower.

Your neighbour has hot water so it’s manageable quite easily. Even if it isn’t, it’s cheeky to ask you.

She has hot water. She wouldn’t need to boil a kettle for a strip wash.

Yes she could, I suppose, if the neighbours water was completely shut off
She could in this scenario too

Generally you can't pick and choose.

You can have friendly chats over the garden gate, neighbours feeding your cat, the local mums all keeping an eye on each other's kids playing in the street etc.

With that comes the occasional ask for a slightly bigger favour or occasional nosiness into your life. I don't see how you can have one without the other.

We can all live in our individual bubbles, sure, but then we have to accept all the consequences of that choice i.e. no neighbourhood community feeling.

I would say no. Our bathrooms, and the rest of our house are for us, not people we don’t know well.

Its easy to say you would help on an anonymous forum whilst volunteering others. People can say anything and they’re often full of it.

You’re not comfortable so say no.

I don't know what somebody's shower being out of order for a short period of time has to do with the end of neighbourhood communities.

Apparently you can hire them!
£35
rustic hire

who’d have though it

Not everyone has a bath 🙄

@MarkWithaC from this thread you can see many people wouldn’t consider this ask ‘little’

Thats purely a matter of individual opinion.

Two weeks to get a shower fixed? That is ridiculous! I would not dream of asking a neighbour if I can use their shower! I actually own the apartment above where I live, and when I had an issue with my shower, even though I was paying for the water upstairs, I did not even consider asking them if I could use the spare shower!

In the 40s? Many have strip washes to save electricity / gas and don’t have BO!

Yes she could, I suppose, if the neighbours water was completely shut off , but it appears only the shower was unavailable in her house. She could have just have had a daily wash, like many do. In her situation I would not have bothered my neighbour with a request for a shower!

The 80s is longer ago than it seems...
But anyway I really don't see why people would have their neighbour do it (IME it's messy and you get cold) when they could just let someone have quick shower