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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let neighbour use my shower!

788 replies

NavyOrca · 07/11/2024 23:49

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OP posts:
PorridgeEater · 09/11/2024 18:54

JMSA · 08/11/2024 00:37

I would say yes without hesitation, as I'm that kind of person.
However, in her position, I would probably look at showering at a local sports centre or gym before asking a neighbour.

Could she try this?

Evan456 · 09/11/2024 18:51

God there are some mean people on here!

Deeperthantheocean · 09/11/2024 18:37

NewName24 · 08/11/2024 00:15

YABVU.

I can't perceive why, in these circumstances you would say no Confused

I mean, you could even limit any 'intrusion' you felt by limiting her to come round at a particular time that suits you.

This is peak insular MN right here.
Any normal person wouldn't think twice.

Agree how insular and selfish some people have become not to help out. I think living alone can cause resentment at having to interact with anyone within the home?

QuestionableMouse · 09/11/2024 18:36

Mrsgreen100 · 09/11/2024 18:23

Local pool have showers to
!
cheeky bugger

You're lucky to have a local pool!

Deeperthantheocean · 09/11/2024 18:34

If you were in the same predicament, would you appreciate just popping next door? Why not help her out? Mean not to imo, for the sake of half an hour disturbing a tiny part of all of your enjoying alone time. Xx

Mrsgreen100 · 09/11/2024 18:23

Local pool have showers to
!
cheeky bugger

Mrsgreen100 · 09/11/2024 18:21

Absolutely no way, perfectly possible to keep clean with a flannel in a bowl it’s bloody cheeky to be honest. I’d say I’m really sorry. I’m just not comfortable with anyone else in my bathroom.

Rockchicknana · 09/11/2024 18:14

Bogginsthe3rd · 08/11/2024 00:09

Could you compromise and flannel wash your neighbour every other morning , in the garden ?

🤣🤣🤣

Jack80 · 09/11/2024 18:12

I would say come at x time maybe after work or weekend.

Konstantine8364 · 09/11/2024 18:05

Gosh some people are absolutely vile. I'm on a friendly hello terms with my neighbours nothing more and would absolutely let them pop in for a shower. I work from home so I'd just say of course but could you do xx time. I could understand if it was a man and you felt at risk. But if it's another woman who you don't have any weird vibes off, just let the poor woman have a quick wash!

Teddybear23 · 09/11/2024 17:56

Personally I would just have a stand up wash in the bathroom until the shower was fixed. As long as you’re clean it doesn’t matter how you do it.

rosyAndMoo · 09/11/2024 17:49

We had no bathroom for the best part of a month due to a collapsed ceiling and a bathroom refit (refit started then ceiling collapsed). We had lots of “kitchen sink washes - hair washed using a bowl of water and a jug. We also had a few nights in a hotel
when the water had to be off. It was unsettling. If I had a neighbour I could have asked I would have … sadly our neighbours are the Clampits.

godmum56 · 09/11/2024 17:13

BurntBroccoli · 09/11/2024 11:57

Just get an attachment that fits onto the taps... next day delivery from Amazon.
Used one through my teens as we didn't have a shower and I had long hair!

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yup, did this as a teen as I had waist length hair and no bathroom at all and more recently did it when I was having building works done and more recently still when we had no water at all and we were filtering water out of the water butts and boiling it.

Makingchocolatecake · 09/11/2024 17:11

Orders76 · 09/11/2024 11:51

Especially at time of month or perimenopause eeek.

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Really? Why is this weird? How is it different to using public or hotel toilets?

Makingchocolatecake · 09/11/2024 17:10

I think once or twice a week is fair as they can have a strip wash at home.

summersolsticesoon · 09/11/2024 15:45

If it's the shower that has broken she can use a large jug of warm water to have a shower in the enclosure .if the tray has been removed she may need to use your shower but I would rather manage with a
Large jug of warm water than have to go next door. If she needs more water then a watering can would also do the job !

BurntBroccoli · 09/11/2024 11:57

saraclara · 08/11/2024 17:00

Excellent compromise, @NavyOrca . For all those saying she can just have a body wash at the sink, washing her hair that way is not as easy a prospect. I'd be very happy with twice a week in her position.

Just get an attachment that fits onto the taps... next day delivery from Amazon.
Used one through my teens as we didn't have a shower and I had long hair!

maddening · 09/11/2024 11:56

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 08:52

Top marks for martyrdom Grin

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Why is it martyrdom- surely it is just looking after yourself and not expecting everyone else to look after you - dealing with your own shit and understanding boundaries- hence family and friends not people who happen to live near you.

Orders76 · 09/11/2024 11:51

BurntBroccoli · 09/11/2024 11:34

It feels a bit personal doesn't it?
I'd feel so uncomfortable using someone else's bathroom!

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Especially at time of month or perimenopause eeek.

Notaflippinclue · 09/11/2024 11:45

What a meany

BurntBroccoli · 09/11/2024 11:34

Loubilou23 · 08/11/2024 13:01

Good grief, I can't imagine ever asking a neighbour to use their shower, shuddering at the thought...

I would be so embarrassed going into someone's house to use their shower. I would rather hose myself down in the back garden or go to the gym.

I would also feel weird having someone in my house using the shower, however neighbourly we are.

Edited

It feels a bit personal doesn't it?
I'd feel so uncomfortable using someone else's bathroom!

anareen · 09/11/2024 08:54

I find the question odd since you don't seem close.
This could be the start to many other "favors" being asked of you or situations being put on you.

You could suggest a gym perhaps ?

Spirallingdownwards · 09/11/2024 08:52

NavyOrca · 08/11/2024 00:22

😊 I’ll ask the people I work with at my two volunteer roles what they think about that, and come back to you.

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They would probably be surprised that as someone who volunteers that you wouldn't help a neighbour out in their 10 minutes x 3 or 4 times of need would be my guess.

winewolfhowls · 09/11/2024 08:47

I'm in team let her.
You never know when you may need a favour in return.

Gloriia · 09/11/2024 08:41

'I WFH so I ended up weeing in a bucket in the garage! At least DH could use his work's facilities!!'

That is awful, poor you! Even if wfh though I'm surprised you couldn't schedule a break and pop to a local pub loo/cafe/supermarket or similar. What if you needed more than a wee Shock.

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