to not let neighbour use my shower!

No, it's an imposition, she's not a friend or family, you barely know her. I wouldn't want to potentially have to chat in the kitchen with her wet hair dangling everywhere, or be cleaning up puddles of water and pubes. Just no. Not appropriate and it won't kill her to wash in her own sink.

You are not comfortable, that's absolutely fine.

Of course you should let her use your shower. She doesn't want a kidney.

Sometimes Mumsnet makes me irrationally cross

I'm really interested in the ages of people saying they think it's an outrageous request from a neighbour. I promise I'm not being goady, I'm just really curious.

(I'm 50 and wouldn't mind)

They're not complete strangers.

No it's not extremely strange to help people when you can, when that's how you've been brought up, it's strange NOT to help, when you can.

This! Do you have a hosepipe?

Seriously though OP, don’t be so mean. It’s 20 minutes out of your day, hardly a great hardship. It’s good to do favours for neighbours, it’s useful to be on good terms and makes for a harmonious living environment.

I’m putting money on you being a southerner. Where I’m from you’d be using your neighbour’s shower and your neighbour would be making you a casserole and baking you a cake! To be washed down with super strong tea when out of the shower!

I'm actually stunned that a neighbour would ask to use your shower.

She's not a friend just a neighbour.

She'll have to have an old school wash at the sink.

YABVU.

I can't perceive why, in these circumstances you would say no

I mean, you could even limit any 'intrusion' you felt by limiting her to come round at a particular time that suits you.

This is peak insular MN right here.
Any normal person wouldn't think twice.

Ok so you'd let a friend or family member use it, so why not this particular neighbour?? What bothers you about.

its your house, so your decision, but I do think its pretty unkind. Yes I understand it's not what you really want when you just want to hang about the house on your own. But really just work out a time slot that she would be able to come & is limited so you're not too tied to the house. No need to get 'dressed up' or 'made up' no need to make sure it looks ready for a magazine shoot. Bathroom tidy enough, clean enough.

& if you don't want a coffee & chat after just say you're WFH & can't stop.

my neighbours used my bathroom for 2 weeks when having work done on their house because they were moving their kitchen & having one bathroom renovated & an en suite put in. Their other options were to move out/hotel (£££££) or go to their daughters half an hour away & toilet in a bucket. Pretty daft when my bathroom was sitting empty for 23 hours a day. And it was the man & his wife.

Of course if you want to say no you can say no. But, don’t ever expect her to help you out if you are ever in a bind. That would be a double standard.

It's not selfish at all.
It's a really cheeky thing to ask.
I've been in the position in the past of my shower being out of order and I've made do with strip washes at the sink . I would never dream of imposing on anybody in that situation.
I'm amazed at the number of pp who think it's normal to allow comparative strangers into their home to use their showers!
Extremely strange that so many appear to open up their houses so readily!

I totally empathise with having the house to yourself and not wanting the interference, but for the sake of kindness, I'd do it. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Ah, don’t be so mean - help a neighbour in a fix. She’ll be in your house 15 minutes every other day and you can agree a convenient time with her.

I think it’s really sad that you aren’t prepared to put yourself out by a tiny, tiny amount to help her.

😂😂

Just set a time that suits you - or inconveniences you the least - because the poor soul will be scuppered otherwise.

I find being a good neighbour brings benefits in the long run.

You never know when you might need help or a tolerant perspective on work you need doing.

Could you compromise and flannel wash your neighbour every other morning , in the garden ?

Wow, I can't believe how selfish some people are. It wouldn't occur to me to turn down a request from someone to use my shower.

One quick shower every other day is hardly disruptive or a big ask.

Why can't you just help her out?

I think you need to say that it's really bad timing this next week, as you really don't want to share your shower.

And? She's obviously asked you as she thought you'd be kind enough to help. How is she meant to wash if she doesn't have any family or friends nearby? Help the lady out.

I'd say yes. OP it's 20 minutes at most every other day.
Help the woman out for goodness sake! She's probably hated having to ask bless her

she is in a tough spot and you can set ground rules to make it easier for you. It doesn’t need to be an open-ended invitation. You can ask her to come at a specific time, limit her shower length within reason (don’t make her take a navy shower), or whatever you need to be more comfortable.

I still think fondly of the neighbor who took pity on me and let me use her shower after my water heater exploded while I was at work and made a huge mess for me to clean up. By the time I was done I was filthy and desperate for a shower, but of course, I had no cold water because I had to turn it off while I waited for my awful landlord to send a plumber at her leisure.

I don’t agree with a lot of comments saying that you should feel obliged to let her even if it’s something you don’t feel comfortable with, it’s your home and it doesn’t sound like you know her well outside of walking the dogs.

I do agree that she might be less willing to help you in the future if you say no, but I’m very private and wouldn’t personally want someone coming into my home to shower if I wasn’t particularly close with them so to me it would be worth the risk.

If she's a nice person and isn't always asking you for favours, I don't see why you'd say no to this as a one off. You could just give her a time to come over and she'll surely be done in 15 minutes. Obviously you don't have to but you definitely can't ask her for any favours in the future if you need something. I'd imagine she's quite desperate if she's asked a neighbour, it seems a bit shitty to decline unless you don't like her?

Give her set times so it's not too disruptive for you. I think it's basic kindness.

If you don't want her too tell her it will be hard to deep clean the shower before every visit as you have a horrible case of something highly contagious. Fungal nails or athletes foot or something worse if you can think of it. (Someone used my shower and gave me vurrucas really pissed me off)