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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let neighbour use my shower!

788 replies

NavyOrca · 07/11/2024 23:49

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OP posts:
Bernardo1 · 09/11/2024 22:30

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 07/11/2024 23:54

It would be kind and neighbourly in the circumstances to let her pop in to shower, but do it on your terms. If you don't want to be disturbed first thing in the morning, offer her an evening slot in your bathroom at a specific time. No just wandering in when she feels ready. Or if the morning is less intrusive for you, tell her that you'll be off work next week and having much - needed lie-ins, but she can come in quietly at 8am and use the shower on certain days - here's a key. You needn't even see her.
You may need a favour from her one day. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold.

This.

AutumnLeaves24 · 09/11/2024 22:29

RitaFires · 08/11/2024 08:08

It's something that I'd never actually ask to do myself and being expected to commit to every other day for 2 weeks seems a bit much. There's loads of favours I would just instinctively do right away for people but this one gives me pause.

Also my neighbour might not be as keen to ask me because currently my only working shower is literally in my bedroom and there's no door to stop the cat watching you. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had a different layout in my house.

@RitaFires

she has a dog, I'm sure your cat wouldn't bother her!!

id warn your cat that it won't be pretty, but its welcome to stay as long as it doesn't sue me for scaring it!!

Dogsbreath7 · 09/11/2024 22:07

Tink3rbell30 · 08/11/2024 00:04

And? She's obviously asked you as she thought you'd be kind enough to help. How is she meant to wash if she doesn't have any family or friends nearby? Help the lady out.

Show quote history

You get a flannel and wash at the sink. You can even wash your hair in the sink. Don’t you know.

I wouldn’t have the gall to ask a neighbour unless very good friends, personally unless I had no hot water because (as above), there is an alternative.

LackOfSleepCBA · 09/11/2024 21:40

She could always have a bath instead?! Or fill up the sink with hot water and have a strip wash with a flannel or sponge.
I would not have a strange person use my shower.

stargazerlil · 09/11/2024 20:50

When I movies into my new home a very old house slowly over the winter the whole bathroom had sprung. Leaks through to the dining room, so had to stop showering. I bucket washed in the living room in front of the gas fire for a month and washed my hair in the kitchen sink. It was quite fun. A bit like camping. Or there’s always the local swimming pool or a gym.

Rhaenys · 09/11/2024 20:37

I’d say yes, but I’d be a bit weirded out by it. If my shower broke and I couldn’t get someone to fix it right away, I’d get one of those shower hoses that fits over the taps.

caringcarer · 09/11/2024 20:19

I'd agree to her request as she doesn't have family or friends in the area but id as locate her an evening time slot when it was convenient to me. I think you are being a bit mean tbh, not very neighbourly.

Datgal · 09/11/2024 20:18

This is one of the most unkind posts I've seen. And I'm not a people person.

RetroRay · 09/11/2024 20:15

It sounds to me she has no one else to ask and given she’s asked for every other day, then she already feels quite bad having to ask you.
Personally, my neighbours and I rely on each other a lot to help out with feeding each others cats whilst we’re away, my husband has helped change her tyre and they looked after our house when we were in hospital with our baby. We don’t know each other well and aren’t friends but a good neighbour is worth their weight in gold.
Be honest and tell her you have the week off, so if you could come at XX time then it will be fine. If you’re confident you will never need her help in a bind then say no, but I think it’s pretty mean when she can’t nip elsewhere.

7ft1garysson · 09/11/2024 20:11

id just let her. But only when it’s convenient for you.

Notaflippinclue · 09/11/2024 20:08

In the middle of converting a barn and the lovely farmers wife offered us a bath whenever we wanted - such luxury such kindness never forgotten

Whatinthedoopla · 09/11/2024 20:00

This happened to me once, and needed to use neighbours shower, but I went everyday! I felt really embarrassed!

I think it's kind of you to let her use it, but of course tell her what your boundaries are, for example the times.

Evan456 · 09/11/2024 19:58

CarolinaWren · 09/11/2024 19:00

I'm not surprised that some people don't want to have virtual strangers naked in their house on a regular basis. What surprises me are the self righteous posters harshly condemning the OP for having boundaries or hesitating to invite an acquaintance to have open access to her shower facilities.

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No one is harshly commenting, it’s her next door neighbor and she said they sometimes walk their dogs together! What’s happened to bit of community

Magnastorm · 09/11/2024 19:56

Drakhan · 09/11/2024 19:36

Tell her, don’t suggest, make it clear she pays up front to use it.
Make it expensive say £50 per use.
That’s for use, inconvenience and time and labour to clean up after her

😂😂

Drakhan · 09/11/2024 19:36

Tell her, don’t suggest, make it clear she pays up front to use it.
Make it expensive say £50 per use.
That’s for use, inconvenience and time and labour to clean up after her

Havinganamechange · 09/11/2024 19:29

I don’t see the problem as long as brings her own toiletries and towels, cleans up after herself and it’s a time limited thing. I have needed favours from time to time and I hate asking but it’s nice to know you have help if you ever really need it.

Wall810 · 09/11/2024 19:27

I wouldn’t hesitate to oblige but would negotiate a set time which best suits me.

Bugbabe1970 · 09/11/2024 19:24

CarolinaWren · 09/11/2024 19:12

It's not "mean" to have boundaries or to say no to requests. Why do so many people expect women to always be "nice" and to put other people's wishes ahead of their own? No one would think twice if a man refused a request like this, but women are expected to be polite and accommodating all the time, even if it's inconvenient.

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If you say so!

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 09/11/2024 19:24

Can she get a weeks gym membership or shower at work? Some stations etc. also have them.

tommyhoundmum · 09/11/2024 19:20

Bogginsthe3rd · 08/11/2024 00:09

Could you compromise and flannel wash your neighbour every other morning , in the garden ?

This is so funny.

I'd not think twice to allow a neighbour a shower.

eebytat · 09/11/2024 19:14

I am on the same terms as my neighbours but would say yes. I would put a few restrictions on though, like every other day for example. I think it would be unkind to say no completely.

CarolinaWren · 09/11/2024 19:12

Bugbabe1970 · 09/11/2024 19:01

Probably took a lot for her to ask you this.
i think you’re being a bit mean
id tell her she can use it but arrange certain times for it

It's not "mean" to have boundaries or to say no to requests. Why do so many people expect women to always be "nice" and to put other people's wishes ahead of their own? No one would think twice if a man refused a request like this, but women are expected to be polite and accommodating all the time, even if it's inconvenient.

Bugbabe1970 · 09/11/2024 19:01

Probably took a lot for her to ask you this.
i think you’re being a bit mean
id tell her she can use it but arrange certain times for it

CarolinaWren · 09/11/2024 19:00

Evan456 · 09/11/2024 18:51

God there are some mean people on here!

I'm not surprised that some people don't want to have virtual strangers naked in their house on a regular basis. What surprises me are the self righteous posters harshly condemning the OP for having boundaries or hesitating to invite an acquaintance to have open access to her shower facilities.

Lifelover16 · 09/11/2024 18:58

I think it’s cheeky of her to ask.
Surely she could have a bath, or if she doesn’t have a bath to use, then a strip wash at the sink?
It’s only for 2 weeks until her own shower is repaired.

Given that she has asked, I’d agree to her request of alternate days but give her set times when it’s convenient for you. I admit I’d find it difficult to refuse, even though I think she’s being unreasonable.

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