to not let neighbour use my shower!

I wouldn't let my neighbours use my shower, no. I'm surprised so many people would!

I'd feel like I should deep clean it for someone else to use it and I might not have time for that.

I also wouldn't be happy being alone in the house while my male neighbour is naked in my shower, he's not given me any reason to think he's a creep but it would still just make me feel uncomfortable.

I’m afraid a neighbours dead hair, skin and whatever else would give me the creeps.

Im guessing she doesn’t have a bath but as she’s still got water then a wash at the sink is fine.

In Ireland every holiday we had to use the water out of the rainwater barrel …oh woe is me I’m sure you’re all thinking. We didn’t even have a toilet. So A sink wash is fine .

To say no would be very mean spirited. Give her time slots that work for you and make it clear you won't be available outside of those times. What could it hurt to let the poor woman wash her body? You'd be denying her a basic human need, she is desperate and I'm sure this will be a short term situation.

She probably said 'pop in' to emphasize she'll be in and out.

I don't know why you're wittering on about what a great person you are. Maybe because you have the niggling feeling you're being unkind to your neighbour. I'm sure it doesn't make a difference to her how many volunteer hours you have. She just wants to wash.

Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries refusing help to neighbours or friends if they are not comfortable offering it.

The problem with so many individual boundaries these days is that we are losing a sense of community and being there for each other.

I have no problems offering a shower to a neighbour having problems with their water supply. It wouldn't cross my mind to refuse it.

Tough one

I had a neighbor like this

We were friendly but she was always asking for odd things: can we use your garage to fit a windscreen? Her house went up for sale, she wanted to come and sit in my house (with her ginormous dog) whilst they had visitors looking around the house.

Etc.

She didn't mind making me feel awkward though???

She asked, it's okay to say no if you don't want to say yes. But I don't think she was wrong to ask. This will ruin AIBU for you because it explains why people take opposing views on these situations but I think it's really helpful: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser

Her asking isn't the same as her feeling entitled to a yes. She probably expects you to say no if you don't want to do it and is unaware of the stress you are feeling about it.

I would recommend considering helping her out because good things can come of it. I have developed a close friendship with a neighbour because she had the courage to ask for help shortly after she moved in and it has been lovely to have someone nearby who I can rely on and we regularly help each other out.

But if you are going to resent her for it then don't. Choose guilt of turning her down over resenting her for a choice you made.

Honestly you really can strip wash very thoroughly if you stand on a towel using a stack of wash cloths that fit over your hand, using three or four lathered up well with an anti-bacterial body wash for separate areas of the body and wash vigorously in a detailed way, then use three or four to rinse properly. Then wash hair in sink. And soak feet in a bowl. And dry yourself.

It’s time-consuming and laborious and a bit chilly but not too bad with hot water. We often did this when we were students travelling around Europe staying in very basic hostels or camp sites and it was fine!

We’ve only had hot showers as a standard bathroom fitment in the past fifty years or so. Before that people had weekly baths and stripped washed at the sink.

When our boiler broke down my neighbours offered their showers.
But they are NICE.
What goes round and all that.......

It's only her shower, presumably she has hot water.

My neighbours are lovely, so I would let them use my shower if they asked, but you are perfectly within your rights to say no. If your neighbour has water, electricity and a functioning drain, she can get clean with a kettle of hot water, a jug and a sponge.

I would definitely prefer to use my own sink than go into a neighbour's shower. I'd also shower at work / gym / pool.

I'd do this personally if it was a neighbour I got on with, but I would ask for a specific time of day to ensure it was less intrusive.

A while ago now, half the county had either no water or no electricity ( 2010 and Northern Ireland ) for days - in my case a week. I was so very grateful that a lass I knew from the pub said she had a back boiler so hot water and to come up and shower

I have never been so grateful for anything in my life. I was washing in cold but my hair??

OP, I appreciate that it all feels icky to you, it would me as well, till Ive now been in that situation where I need to be clean and fresh faced for work and needed a helping hand

If you possibly could, say yes but on your terms. Between the hour of and its only a three minute shower?

I'd let her. I don't see the big deal. Tell her what time is convenient to you, and if it's while you are working ask her to let herself in and out without disturbing you.

I like to think I’m a good neighbour, I have looked after pets and plants and taken in parcels but a bathroom is quite a personal
space isn’t it? I store quite personal items in mine.

I’m afraid I also wouldn’t like the idea of me being downstairs while someone I don’t know very well has the run of upstairs. I could maybe tolerate it once or twice but not beyond that.

Also, the fact that she has asked for help for this length of time , rather than showering at a gym or washing at the sink and just making do like most people, would seem to indicate that she is the sort of person who puts her own convenience ahead of others and as such maybe doesn’t have great boundaries, which could be a problem in future.

<over-thinking> 😃😃

I'd say yes because I'm a softie but I would then spend 12 hours scrubbing the bathroom and cleaning and vacuuming any room she might go through etc. ( i'm not the world's most conscientious cleaner obviously) I'm more of a "shite people are coming over tomorrow - everybody panic".

I wouldn't like that at all but I do agree with others that helping out neighbours is generally worth it. In her shoes I would be driving to the local pool for a swim every two days and doing it there, at least a few times, using someone's bathroom every two days is a lot to ask. But I like my privacy and space.

I'm a real grump and hate the idea of someone who's just a friendly acquaintance coming into my home every couple of days for a week or so, even for only 15-20 minutes each time.

However, I'd bear in mind that at some point I might well need my neighbour to do me a favour, so I would agree to this - obviously, setting times that cause me the least inconvenience.

I do understand posters saying she could instead have a strip wash at her sink - but, honestly, who is going to feel thoroughly clean after a week or so of that?

Just think about how you'd feel if the circumstances were the other way round.

I can't believe these responses. Neighbour is asking to bob in for a quick shower, why would that be a problem? It would take less than 20 minutes.
I'm now aware my neighbours are normal in the same way if I asked a favour, they could always ask me with a positive (normal) response.

I'm 59

I'd never ask my neighbours to use their showers. Local gym or sink at home.
If something makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

I wouldn't mind at all
I'd give her preferable time
It's only for a short time and you never know when you might need a favour too

Well it'll cost her two weeks of water and electric when shower is being used so it isn't free is it

No, I would say it's not convenient. I don't think she should have asked you that! Can she not wash up at a sink and do her hair under the kitchen tap? People can survive a week without a shower!
Also that is to long to wait to have a shower fixed, she should look for a differant plumber.

Im the same. Only on MN would you not answer the door to family and friends but let what's basically a stranger use your shower🤣🤣🤣