to not let neighbour use my shower!

Guests/tradespeople can use the downstairs loo.
Only family living in the house use the upstairs bathroom.
We're actually having our water turned off today for a bit - no way am I knocking on doors asking to use a loo, I'll go out a walk and use loo at travel centre or somewhere.

It's not a one-off though. it's every other day until the week after next, so quite disruptive for the OP, especially as this isn't a friend of hers or someone she knows well.

I would do it too even though I am the type that hates having people in my house other than family and friends. I just couldn’t pass over something as basic as a woman wanting to wash herself and she is obviously trying to be thoughtful by limiting it to every other day.

If it’s about her germs perhaps leave out cloths and sprays so she can clean it afterwards. If it was me borrowing someone’s shower I’d want to clean and leave it nice for them.

I think you should let her some days. Imagine if it was you in this situation.

Your bathroom is still private, even if someone else uses it. I'm imagining that most people on here would allow another person at some point to use their toilet?.

OP doesn't sound 'tight' at all.
You do seem like you cannot fathom others having different opinions though.

I wholeheartedly agree.
It's not odd to want at least some of your space to be private, especially your bathroom.

Where do you live? So many 24 hour gyms around these days. My own gym opens at 6 am.

I would do it but we have 3 showers and my DC’s bathroom is unused as he is at Uni.

I can understand why you would not.

Does she have a bath? Can she buy one of those ones that you put over the bath taps? I had that when I was a student.

I would be happy for her to shower every day!
I couldn’t stand not showering myself daily, and wouldn’t hesitate in agreeing in your circumstances.

Whatever - the OP sounds as tight as a duck's arse.

How long before her shower gets fixed?

Do it. Things like this oil the wheels of society. Help people out if you can, not just because at some point you may need a favour, but because we're not islands. We're part of a whole.

Whether previous posters are okay with the request or not; I don’t think you should have to say yes to anything you’re not 100% comfortable with because the person doing the asking will be “frosty” or take offence if you say no.
That’s not really asking for a favour is it? It’s backing someone into a corner to get what you want.

@NavyOrca

I’d never ask to use a neighbours shower. I’d use a friends.
So I think it’s a bit odd that she asked.
It’s quite a personal act, I’d feel a bit odd about someone undressing upstairs, how they’d use my bathroom, if they clean up afterwards.

I’d just make a polite excuse - and even if your excuse sounds odd, I think her request sounds odd!
Just say you’d rather not because your not sure when your going to be up and about, when your going out etc. Suggest to her the local leisure centre/swimming pool.

This sums it up for me perfectly..

I don’t think it is a question of kindness alone here for me but a question of boundaries. Of course, it’s kind to help out a neighbour but i would only do this if I felt comfortable with it. If it were my neighbour on one side who asked, I would say yes as we have built up a good relationship. It would be at certain times of the day though. It is good to help each other out if you can.

If the shoe were on the other foot and I was the one needing the shower, I would try to use every other option available to me before asking a neighbour to be honest (sink wash, leisure centre, closer friend, work shower, get another plumber out quicker, bath attachmeht…) At the risk of sounding ridiculous, Showers are pretty personal and private spaces to me where invited guests, close friends and family can go but a neighbour is pushing it a bit for me! But if she had very few other options and it is under your conditions, go for it!

This.

Kind people can have boundaries.

Just ask her to do it on x days between x and x time. Make it work for you with leaving her in your flat while you food shop or whatever. You’ll probably need her help one day and this is all part of being a community.

I'd definitely find that an intrusion, and would have to say no. I'd probably say that a one off might be fine, but I cannot commit to it being ongoing until your shower is fixed, sorry. She maybe needs to look a little harder for an emergency plumber.

Given you know she has no other local connections that can help, it is only 10/15 mins and it’s a basic human need I’d say yes. Put yourself in her shoes OP.

Our shower broke last year and our neighbours offered us their shower. We do have local-ish connections (and they know that) but as we live out in the sticks a bit it would be a faff to travel to them just to shower. We worked around them with timings and were as quick as possible. Always been immensely grateful.

I really don't see how it's a big inconvenience. She's not asking to come and cook dinner in your kitchen, or sit and watch TV in your living room! You can be cracking on with what you're doing, you'll barely know she's there. If it was a whole family, that'd be different, but just one person? I'm a huge introvert, anxious, and literally never have guests, but even I'd be OK with this.

Well say no, but don’t expect friendly neighbour relations going forward. Why not just say that’s fine but will have to be x time as i’m busy next week

We had a period of almost 6 weeks when we had no hot water (emergency situation). I was beyond grateful to my neighbours who allowed myself and my children to shower at their house occasionally.

It isn't a big ask. Just say you can use the shower between and give her a half hour slot.

In which case it's pertinent to ask you - how can you be so concerned about a neighbour sharing your bathroom, a bathroom you clean because your hygiene standards are so high against staying in a hotel because the bathroom "look's clean"?

Cleaners in the best hotels work under time constraints - they have too many rooms they need to clean and there is no way, even 5-star hotels, can be as clean as your own bathroom.

I'm nor missing the point, you are. Instead of answering me, address what the OP has been asking for.

Mumsnet is so odd at times. On any given week there will be a poster asking for help because they don’t want to give a colleague a lift to work. Responses to those posts are generally heavily weighted in favour of it being a “colleague problem, not an OP problem” and multiple people saying “no is a complete sentence”.

This OP has a neighbour asking to enter her home every other day to use her shower, and is told to “be kind”, “take a long, hard took at her values” and told she’s being “selfish”.

I think this is an inappropriate ask from your neighbour, OP. I wouldn’t want an acquaintance coming into my home, getting naked and taking a shower at my expense and potentially leaving me to clean up. The whole thing sounds uncomfortable and has the potential to go on for longer than the period she suggests. There are emergency plumbers or the neighbour could join a gym and use their shower. It’s not your problem to fix.