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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let neighbour use my shower!

788 replies

NavyOrca · 07/11/2024 23:49

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OP posts:
catchthepigeon98 · 08/11/2024 06:37

Does she not have a bath?

KateDelRick · 08/11/2024 06:37

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:28

I don't begrudge my neighbour a shower either, just not mine.
I wonder how much all this extra showering would cost, it might involve considerably increased costs for some people.

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The cost is your first concern? If you're on UC, then I feel sorry that you couldn't even support someone in this way because you're too poor.
However, in my experience, living in poorer areas has meant that people help and support each other more.

tamade · 08/11/2024 06:37

I'd allow it, it is a kind thing to do.

I assume she does not have a husband and three teenage kids in tow, that would be a bit much.

betterangels · 08/11/2024 06:36

Having said that, I'd never ask. Gym or stripwash.

EdithStourton · 08/11/2024 06:36

Of course you say yes.
Arrange a mutually convenient time. If you don't want her in there for hours just drop in a comment about 'of course, no problem, a shower only takes a few minutes anyway'.

You might make a new friend, you never know.

KateDelRick · 08/11/2024 06:34

betterangels · 08/11/2024 06:33

She'll know it's a lie. OP should at least own her choice to say no.

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Quite. Why do people always suggest lying?

CurlyAndBurly · 08/11/2024 06:33

Imagine one day if you were stuck and needed some help. A broken ankle that meant you couldn’t get to the shops, a car that wouldn’t start when you desperately needed to be somewhere… Imagine you had no friends or relations to ask - just your neighbours. You’d be so grateful for the neighbour that was… neighbourly.

Yes, the shower is a minor inconvenience for you but I don’t think your neighbour’s request is cheeky. She is clearly in a tight spot and you have the capacity to help.

As someone once said, Great acts are made up of small deeds. Be a good neighbour and maybe one day you’ll be grateful for a small - or big - act of kindness that comes your way.

betterangels · 08/11/2024 06:33

TMGM · 07/11/2024 23:55

Could you tell her something like it’s really bad timing as your hot water will be spotty as you’re doing a bit of work in your own home? Or unfortunately your own hot water isn’t working properly at the moment… Not very honest but it might help avoid bad feelings.

She'll know it's a lie. OP should at least own her choice to say no.

Makeanoise · 08/11/2024 06:31

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R053 · 08/11/2024 06:29

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:19

Clearly it's not the same as a shower, but that's not OPs concern to deal with.

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OK, she can just say “no”, can’t she? But as you can see from the thread plenty of us wouldn’t have an issue with lending our shower and thus it’s not unreasonable for a neighbour to ask for help.

If people feel uncomfortable saying “no” then that is their concern to deal with.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:28

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 08/11/2024 06:24

I couldn't begrudge my neighbour a shower.

I don't begrudge my neighbour a shower either, just not mine.
I wonder how much all this extra showering would cost, it might involve considerably increased costs for some people.

LindaDawn · 08/11/2024 06:28

I would want to help,her out. Hate not having a shower.

Yvawn · 08/11/2024 06:27

Bogginsthe3rd · 08/11/2024 00:09

Could you compromise and flannel wash your neighbour every other morning , in the garden ?

😂

marriednotdead · 08/11/2024 06:25

My neighbour had a similar issue a couple of years ago and used my shower for a few days. Not ideal but no alternatives. Sure enough, I have since had to use hers when my boiler broke, and I felt a lot more comfortable with it knowing that it was a two way thing.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 08/11/2024 06:24

I couldn't begrudge my neighbour a shower.

TimeForATerf · 08/11/2024 06:23

I get the discomfort around it but if it were my next door neighbour who is a really good neighbour I would suck it up. And he’s not even female, so even more discomfort around it.

That said if my shower went I would never ask a neighbour, I would strip wash every day with trips to the swimming pool and pool showers in between. Nothing like a dunk in chlorine for feeling clean.

LilacTurtle · 08/11/2024 06:22

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/11/2024 05:55

I think you should let her some days. Imagine if it was you in this situation.

Me in that situation would never ask. I'd go to the local leisure centre if I didn't have a gym membership.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:20

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OP isn't being 'a dick' at all.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:19

R053 · 08/11/2024 06:18

A flannel wash? It’s not the same and who knows what personal medical issues she is dealing with eg effusive sweating or something like that.

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Clearly it's not the same as a shower, but that's not OPs concern to deal with.

Foxybyname · 08/11/2024 06:19

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R053 · 08/11/2024 06:18

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:02

She can wash herself in her own house.

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A flannel wash? It’s not the same and who knows what personal medical issues she is dealing with eg effusive sweating or something like that.

DreamTheMoors · 08/11/2024 06:10

I lived out in the country.
My water heater exploded - or a pipe did - or something happened, I don’t know, but I suddenly didn’t have any hot water and it was getting late and I was leaving on a flight early the next morning. I turned all the water off.
There was a brand new two-story motel down the road not far, so I drove over and asked them if I could rent a shower for a quick 10 minutes.
They charged me $50US and yelled “And don’t touch anything!!” as I left the lobby.
So classy.

rockingbird · 08/11/2024 06:07

I just couldn't get fused by this, she's your neighbour and has a favour-god forbid you need one off her in the future. My next door neighbour is currently having a whole bathroom refit. I offered them the use of my bathroom with no hesitation if they needed it whilst the work was done, the wife has been in a few times now and it's been perfectly fine.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 06:02

R053 · 08/11/2024 05:56

I would do it too even though I am the type that hates having people in my house other than family and friends. I just couldn’t pass over something as basic as a woman wanting to wash herself and she is obviously trying to be thoughtful by limiting it to every other day.

If it’s about her germs perhaps leave out cloths and sprays so she can clean it afterwards. If it was me borrowing someone’s shower I’d want to clean and leave it nice for them.

She can wash herself in her own house.

thepariscrimefiles · 08/11/2024 06:02

NavyOrca · 08/11/2024 00:18

😂 I could get the garden sprinkler out for her 😂😂

No seriously though, I’m going to have a think about this now as some of you have made very good points about it potentially making things a bit frosty between us if I don’t let her use the shower.

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Doesn't she have a bath as well as a shower?

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