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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let neighbour use my shower!

788 replies

NavyOrca · 07/11/2024 23:49

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 08/11/2024 09:16

gannett · 08/11/2024 09:09

This kind of grotesque misery nostalgia is exactly why I'd actively offer the use of my shower to any friend or neighbour whose boiler was broken. I don't want people I like to have to go through such unpleasantness and not even feel clean at the end of it.

Show quote history

I don’t think the neighbour’s boiler is broken, just the shower. If my neighbour’s boiler was broken and they had no hot water I might let them use mine. We have close friends nearby who were without a kitchen for months while they were having a kitchen extension built, and we happily let them come and use our washing machine and washing line and come to ours for meals, and stay at ours while we were away so they could use the kitchen to cook.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 09:15

Em1ly2023 · 08/11/2024 00:32

This is so (f*ing) cheeky of her to ask, all the generous souls saying how unkind / uncharitable etc. you are 😅… I sincerely doubt that these people would gladly allow this imposition. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would (politely) say so. She can use the shower at a local gym or leisure centre, they are everywhere 🛀

Show quote history

It's happened to me, I said yes. Likely I'm not the only one on here for whom that's true.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 09:14

BehindTheSequinsandStilettos · 08/11/2024 00:30

If your shower breaks, you flannel wash, wet wipe or book a session at the swimming pool. Ask me how I know! Wink

Either because you have horrid neighbours or martyring yourself makes you feel better about yourself.

Ginnnny · 08/11/2024 09:14

I think it's certainly mean to say no, she clearly thinks you're close enough that asking is ok. You could easily say yes and give her a time to pop round on the days she needs a shower, so you are in control of the situation.
When my bathroom was being refitted a few years ago, I went round to a neighbours for a shower and was super grateful.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 09:12

Dotto · 08/11/2024 00:19

No, it's an imposition, she's not a friend or family, you barely know her. I wouldn't want to potentially have to chat in the kitchen with her wet hair dangling everywhere, or be cleaning up puddles of water and pubes. Just no. Not appropriate and it won't kill her to wash in her own sink.

You are not comfortable, that's absolutely fine.

Edited

There's some very lurid imaginations on here.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 09:11

GreengrassofW · 08/11/2024 00:17

I'm really interested in the ages of people saying they think it's an outrageous request from a neighbour. I promise I'm not being goady, I'm just really curious.

(I'm 50 and wouldn't mind)

I was about 37 when my neighbour asked me this favour and (as per my other post) totally OK with it, pleased to help.
I'm 49 now and still feel the same.

gannett · 08/11/2024 09:09

Gloriia · 08/11/2024 08:45

There is no chance I'd have neighbours use our shower. She is cheeky to ask imo.

She can strip wash and use a jug over the sink to wash hair like we all managed to in the old days.

This kind of grotesque misery nostalgia is exactly why I'd actively offer the use of my shower to any friend or neighbour whose boiler was broken. I don't want people I like to have to go through such unpleasantness and not even feel clean at the end of it.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 09:07

Gloriia · 08/11/2024 08:48

Also, she needs to get another plumber, you dont wait 2 weeks for a plumber!

I waited that long for mine; she had an accident and was signed off for two weeks just before she was due to start a job for me. I decided to wait because she's very very good, and good tradespeople don't grow on trees.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 09:05

Imperrysmum · 08/11/2024 08:50

I think your neighbour is being a bit OTT and a diva! She could flannel wash with a bowl, like people used to do. If it was me I would drive to a leisure centre and use the showers there.

I think the phrase 'used to do' is key here.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/11/2024 09:04

When we got a new bathroom fitted, which ended up being a big job, our next door neighbours let both of us use their shower, every day.
We returned the favour when it was their turn.
They give us a lift to the airport and check on the house when we go away. We do the same in return.
I consider us to be really lucky.
We aren’t in and out of each other’s houses every day, but we are there for each other.

Diomi · 08/11/2024 09:03

She must be remarkably unenterprising. It is easy to have a shower in a shower cubicle with a bucket of hot water and a jug. It is even possible without a shower cubicle as you can do it over a sink.

KitsyWitsy · 08/11/2024 09:03

I would let her. Just tell her to let herself in and out and not to bother me because I’m busy.

LilacTurtle · 08/11/2024 09:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I agree it's not necessarily a good thing. I'm chronically independent due to the need to rely on my own resources from childhood. I'm a great problem solver and always find a solution. I wouldn't ask the neighbour for this favour. I just find it a bit too personal a space to ask for access to. You can bet I'd find my own solution though.

You'll lose the need to people please as you get older.

PinkTonic · 08/11/2024 09:00

This thread is a real shocker to me. MN, where someone knocking unexpectedly on the door creates a dilemma, where letting your tradesmen use the loo is questionable, where the outlaws visiting a newborn is an imposition, but so many wouldn’t think twice about a neighbour using their shower? I don’t believe it. You’d all be fine with someone you barely know interrupting your day, being upstairs in your house, potentially making a mess? Bollocks. It’s a cheeky thing to ask and a massive imposition. A shower is not essential and therefore the neighbour isn’t desperate, she’s cheeky.

And to be clear I am more than happy to help out neighbours in genuine need.

BookishType · 08/11/2024 09:00

If it was a one/off, fine. But every other day for 2 weeks? That’s not ok.

Surely there’s a gym she could go to?

Zamerhammer · 08/11/2024 08:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

diddl · 08/11/2024 08:57

NigelHarmansNewWife · 08/11/2024 08:44

I've been in the position of having no water - we had a burst in the pipe from the mains which flooded our cellar. A neighbour who I chatted to regularly offered use of their shower. It was a godsend and I still think how kind it was of them now. JDI.

Does Op's neighbour have no water?

KnigCnut · 08/11/2024 08:55

TypingoftheDead · 08/11/2024 08:48

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask if I could use a neighbour’s shower!

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You do for a competent one round here, for a non-emergency call out.
The ones who can come immediately aren't busy or in demand for good reason. We are halfway through a month wait for a plumber.

VoteDappy · 08/11/2024 08:55

AutumnLeaves24 · 08/11/2024 00:15

Ok so you'd let a friend or family member use it, so why not this particular neighbour?? What bothers you about.

its your house, so your decision, but I do think its pretty unkind. Yes I understand it's not what you really want when you just want to hang about the house on your own. But really just work out a time slot that she would be able to come & is limited so you're not too tied to the house. No need to get 'dressed up' or 'made up' no need to make sure it looks ready for a magazine shoot. Bathroom tidy enough, clean enough.

& if you don't want a coffee & chat after just say you're WFH & can't stop.

my neighbours used my bathroom for 2 weeks when having work done on their house because they were moving their kitchen & having one bathroom renovated & an en suite put in. Their other options were to move out/hotel (£££££) or go to their daughters half an hour away & toilet in a bucket. Pretty daft when my bathroom was sitting empty for 23 hours a day. And it was the man & his wife.

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Or just go to the gym/ pool

StudioFocusTricky · 08/11/2024 08:55

You are absolutely entitled to say no. You are allowed boundaries. Having boundaries does not make you selfish or mean.

If this was me I would be offering something less. Say that you can cipe with once every 4 days and she can go to the nearest swimming pool/gym and use their showers in between?

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 08/11/2024 08:52

I agree with arranging time slots. You don't want to be curtailed on a week off or be hanging around wondering.

I'd never ask this in a million years though!! I'd get in early at work or go to a gym rather than ask an acquaintance.

MarkWithaC · 08/11/2024 08:52

maddening · 08/11/2024 08:47

I would not dream of asking a neighbour to use their shower - if the shower was broken I would use the bath, if no bath I would ask family or close friends even though it would be a 30 min drive each way.

Top marks for martyrdom Grin

Gloriia · 08/11/2024 08:50

TypingoftheDead · 08/11/2024 08:48

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask if I could use a neighbour’s shower!

Show quote history

Exactly! Oh while I'm at it can I just pop your slippers on and use your hairdryer.

What is wrong with using a bath or a sink to wash?!

Imperrysmum · 08/11/2024 08:50

I think your neighbour is being a bit OTT and a diva! She could flannel wash with a bowl, like people used to do. If it was me I would drive to a leisure centre and use the showers there.

TypingoftheDead · 08/11/2024 08:48

ForGreyKoala · 08/11/2024 00:08

Wow, I can't believe how selfish some people are. It wouldn't occur to me to turn down a request from someone to use my shower.

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask if I could use a neighbour’s shower!

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