to not let neighbour use my shower!

Does she have a bath? Surely she could use that? If she does, and you really don't want to help, I'd consider buying one of those cheap rubber shower attachments for the taps, and present it as a gift🤣If she doesn't, I would let her. I must admit, I couldn't imagine knocking to ask this! In the absence of a bath, I'd be sink/dish/bucket washing.

I didn't say it was any kind of equivalence.

I said it was because I fancied it.

I would say yes and have have done this before

She's your neighbour. You chat. You walk dogs sometimes

10/15m every other day even on your week off would be kind

But find a time good for you whether early evening once she's home from work so 6/7

You may need her help one day

I remember having my bathroom done years ago. I had a shower at my neighbours house bless her

And I've had friends round before when they needed a bath/shower

Seems a bit mean spirited to me tbh.

And of course your relationship will be frosty going forward. So not worth it for a couple of 15 minutes showers as well as being a kind thing to do for a neighbour you might need one day.

When our neighbours’ boiler was broken and their landlord was dragging his heels about fixing it, we told them they could use our shower. I hate sharing my personal space but it is so clearly the right thing to do - I’d have felt so guilty about not offering.

Quite apart from that, having good neighbourly relations is worth its weight in gold. You never know when you might need them to take in a parcel, need someone to water your plants or check on the house for you.

I wouldn't love it if one of my neighbours asked this on my week off, but I'd absolutely say yes unless I had a concrete reason why it wasn't possible. As many pp have said, its just being neighbourly and you never know when you might need their help in the future.

Our neighbours kindly offered the use of their washing machine when ours broke, yes we could have used a laundrette but its miles away and we had a small baby (and therefore a lot of washing) so very grateful to be able to just do a couple of wash loads next door.

OP you've said you get on fine with her and and you've done dog walks together in the past. So a hard 'no' is going to come across a bit weird. It's not even every day.

What does a collection of children and a DH have to do with a single individual neighbour needing a shower?

Obviously you are not obligated to help. I totally would though. I like to have mutually beneficial relationships with my neighbours.

You never know when you need a good neighbour. My DH was rushed to hospital last year and the neighbours stepped in to mind the dog, hold on to my kids until a family member could get them and one dropped in a dinner when I got home after 24 hours in the hospital.

It will have minimal impact on you

OP - I probably wouldn’t either. I’m quite private and wouldn’t t want someone I don’t really know that well coming to my house for a week. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
if she knows she’s going to be without a shower for a week then that does give her some notice to sort herself out - it’s not like she has a wedding to go to today and needs to shower for it right now and it would be a one off- when I was having my bathroom refitted I showed at the gym or work - it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to ask my neighbours that I barely know.
plus what if the tradesperson doesn’t turn up on the day to fix it (I’ve been let down by 4 different plumbers to fit a radiator on the day now)? She could be using your shower for weeks.
is there a swimming baths by you where she could shower or could she get a cheap (or sometimes free) trial for a gym?

Unsociable/unpleasant is one thing, but the OP has made quite clear that this isn't the case with her neighbour.
What if there isn't a decent gym or leisure centre nearby? Or one that offers a free trial? (I have to say none of my local ones do).

I really can't get my head round the mentality where people would rather see a pleasant neighbour pay out for/schlep to a gym or a family member's house rather than use their shower a few times.

Good to know I can ask anyone on this thread for use of their shower for me and my collection of children and DH if needed.

when my boiler was broken we had "bucket baths" for 2 weeks. Boil a kettle, half fill a bucket, schlepp it to the bathroom and stand it in the bath (on a damp towel to stop it slipping. Put cold water in it to the right temperature and use a sponge.

Hair washing over the bath with a jug of cold water.

But. I'd let my neighbour come over every other day at a specified time - evening or when i was WFH - to use it. Not a family, but an individual neighbour.

OK

It's a false equivalence, unless of course the OP's water/heating bills are the most expensive known to man.

Great article. Thanks!

I wouldn't jump start anyone either. I'm not competent to do that (which I why I pay for roadside assistance membership) and there is the risk that I could scramble the electrics/computer in the car. I'm not taking that risk.

Because I just fancied it!

There is no way I'd allow someone to use my car for a jump start. Are you aware that allowing someone to do this can fry the electrics of the car that is being used to give the start? Several thousands of pounds worth of damage?

Most gyms offer a week trial membership. If it's that expensive she can always do trials at two different gyms for the week and get free showers.

I feel I'm off the hook on letting my neighbours shower in mine. They've lost the right to expect anything from us with their unsociable behaviour they refuse to do anything about (even though it would cause no loss on their part).

Why £500?

This thread is a real eye-opener, and not in a good way. I'm so relieved that I've got nicer neighbours than some of you. I'm also pleased that I'm a less miserable and suspicious neighbour than some of you sound like.
I'm also interested in the number of people assuming this woman either is a member of gym/leisure centre already, or has easy access to one she can use just to have a shower , or can/wants to spend the money to do so.

I think it's really sad that people are calling it "cheek" that the neighbour dared to ask.

The neighbour isn't asking for money or anything outrageous.

It reminds me of the time I needed to jump start my car in a supermarket carpark (I had the leads and know how to do it). The first 3 people I asked looked at me like I had demanded their firstborn. Eventually an elderly gentleman kindly agreed to help - took 5 minutes tops.

It really distressed me actually, it made me feel I lived in a cold and cut off society. Can it even be called a society when everyone is so doggedly out for themselves only and never hold out a helping hand?

I do think it's a fairly cheeky request. If her shower is broken, there is nothing stopping her washing her hair in the sink and washing with a flannel. She probably has a bath she could use as well. I wouldn't ask a neighbour to use their shower under these circumstances - she can easily make do with a sink - even if she has no hot water (unlikely if it's just a shower that's broken), she can just boil the kettle.

That said, refusal could cause frosty relations in the future and if you need an actual (ie a more legitimate) favour off her in the future, then she could refuse after being pissed off re this.

On balance, I'd try to arrange specific times with her, but I would be careful in case she turns out to be a CF.

I am astonished at posts calling you selfish. I wonder if those calling the OP selfish would like to send me £500. As not sharing your money is selfish? And at those saying poor lady she must be desperate - again - insanity - it's just a broken shower. Her house hasn't fallen down!

@Bogginsthe3rd , i like your thinking

So many posters with their wide eyed "doesn't she have a bath?". We have 2 bathrooms, neither of which has a bath.

As for "just use the gym/leisure centre", our nearest one is 20 miles away and would require driving/owning a car and an annual membership.

Just surprised that no-one has fainted in horror at only wanting to shower every other day. Gosh, the horror, and what if she uses the same towel each time.

It's all going a bit Four Yorkshiremen.