Page 12 | to not let neighbour use my shower!

NavyOrca · 2024-11-07T23:49:00+00:00

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day. I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower! For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though. AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

KnigCnut · 08/11/2024 11:02

Another thread full of mumsnet madness.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 11:02

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:58

@DieStrassensindimmernass what I was asking is how people cope with using a communal shower when they are so afraid of having someone else use their shower?

Using a communal shower never feels particularly pleasant imho, more a needs must scenario. I feel much more relaxed in my own shower, partly because it's in my own house and only my immediate family use it. Allowing someone else to use it more than once or twice would change that. I get that it wouldn't bother some folk but it does bother others.

Polyp0 · 08/11/2024 11:01

Wow! I can't believe the way this thread has gone - there's no way I'd want a naked neighbour and their bodily run off in my flat, and I am a perfectly friendly and helpful person!

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 11:01

Mumtofourandnomore · 08/11/2024 11:00

I haven’t read the whole thread but it is possible to buy quite a good portable, rechargeable shower that has a pump that you put in a bucket of hot water and it’s quite powerful (available on Amazon). We bought one as a temporary solution when our shower broke and as long as she has hot water, it would be almost as good as a real shower.

But obviously I agree that it would’ve kinder to just let her use yours.

Perhaps she feels it would have been kinder for the CF not to ask when it wasn't a necessity. "Kindness" after all is very subjective.

Mumtofourandnomore · 08/11/2024 11:00

I haven’t read the whole thread but it is possible to buy quite a good portable, rechargeable shower that has a pump that you put in a bucket of hot water and it’s quite powerful (available on Amazon). We bought one as a temporary solution when our shower broke and as long as she has hot water, it would be almost as good as a real shower.

But obviously I agree that it would’ve kinder to just let her use yours.

Lubilu02 · 08/11/2024 11:00

If the boiler hasn't gone, perhaps she could fill up a washing up bowl at the bathroom sink and stand in the shower with that.
Would take 3 or 4 fills, and a towel or two on the floor, but it's what I'd be doing if I was desperate.

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:58

@DieStrassensindimmernass what I was asking is how people cope with using a communal shower when they are so afraid of having someone else use their shower?

Soocks · 08/11/2024 10:57

I think that is a massive ask.
I certainly wouldn't dream of it.
I would find a local gym and use it for the time needed.
Actually being asked would really annoy me too.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 10:56

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:53

How so?

Show quote history

You don't understand why a communal use shower in a communal use building isn't the same as someone's private shower in their own home?

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 10:55

OolongTeaDrinker · 08/11/2024 10:49

I can't imagine not letting someone I was on friendly terms with use my shower a few times if they had no other options. Nothing wrong with letting her do it on your own terms though, like saying when she can come, and even for how long if you must.

This really does not need to impact your life much, but will make hers much easier, so why wouldn't you?

I find it really strange that you just cannot imagine someone else thinking differently and having a different view of the world. Genuinely puzzling to me.

OVienna · 08/11/2024 10:55

Have read all the OPs post. Not clear to me how well you know each other, sorry if I've missed it.

Every other day feels a bit much. There is no way I would ask this of a neighbour, even one I knew really well. I feel like you could be on a pathway to a 'no good deeds go unpunished' outcome here.

I think I'd let her do it once, at a time of my convenience, and see how that went. If she's considerate and in and out, I'd feel more relaxed and be more generous. If the placed is steamed up for ages etc etc and she doesn't adhere to the times you note, I'd not offer again.

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:54

I know @Bippy2024

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:53

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 10:51

Not even remotely the same.

Show quote history

How so?

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 10:53

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:52

Yes @Bippy2024 that's exactly what I would do

Good for you. How stunning and brave.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 10:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Would you rather live in a world where people get to decide what they should do, without being called selfish by others who wouldn't do exactly the same thing?

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 10:52

romatheroamer · 08/11/2024 10:51

When I've had hot water or bathroom issues I've used the shower at the gym but other places I've lived no gym membership so just used the kitchen sink.
I have asked neighbours if I could use their fridge for brief times but wouldn't occur to me to ask to use the shower.

Yep, everyone seems to forget she's actually got running water and can just wash in the sink for a week, which is inconvenient but not difficult and far less hassle than bothering a neighbour. It's a really odd, first world problems request.

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:52

Yes @Bippy2024 that's exactly what I would do

mitogoshigg · 08/11/2024 10:51

It would be pretty mean to say no but fo offer her a time that suits you eg between 7&8 in evening if you aren't keen on the morning and if one day you are out just say so. A blanket no isn't very neighbourly

TwattyMcFuckFace · 08/11/2024 10:51

getahhtmapub · 08/11/2024 10:48

God lord the responses on here! I lived for 40 years in central London and then moved to a small community in NZ. We live on tank water; whatever falls from the sky is our water source. In dry spells we and our neighbours frequently run out of water and have to rely on overworked water deliveries by truck for huge amounts of money that could take weeks when tanks run dry.
When we run out there is NO water. Nothing from the taps. No toilet flushing. No drinking water. No buckets to flannel wash. We all keep upwards of 50litres of drinkable water for emergencies though but it's precious stuff as the supermarket then runs out when it's dry
We have lived in three houses here and have relied on the good grace of relative strangers to allow us to use their shower and, god forbid, their toilets for poos, if they still have water. It's a precious commodity they are sharing and we have never been turned down. In fact they post on the community Facebook page offering it
We now live in a house with 3 huge water tanks and a bore which gives us unlimited water and we've had our house open for all manner of neighbours and families trooping in for ablutions in mid summer. We even do loads of laundry and dishwashing for randoms down the street!
I work in the upstairs office and they just get on with it.
We've had gifts of wine, home cooking, child's drawings (not of them pooping except for one), restaurant vouchers, gin and whisky.

No ones has left pubes. Most leave it cleaner than when they got in.
Yes it's a slight bother but so what.
I forget that Brits can be so uptight sometimes.

I was with you all the way until "I forget that Brits can be so uptight sometimes."

Please don't label Brits like that, just because some people are selfish/strange/uptight etc.

It's got nothing to do with being British and everything to do with being selfish.

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 10:51

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:47

Seems some people think this woman is going to undress in her own house before she rocks up for a shower.

Is that what you would do? Seems a bit of a strange notion.

DieStrassensindimmernass · 08/11/2024 10:51

JaneJeffer · 08/11/2024 10:21

I don't know how people on here manage when they have to go to hospital and share a shower with complete randomers

Not even remotely the same.

romatheroamer · 08/11/2024 10:51

When I've had hot water or bathroom issues I've used the shower at the gym but other places I've lived no gym membership so just used the kitchen sink.
I have asked neighbours if I could use their fridge for brief times but wouldn't occur to me to ask to use the shower.

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 10:49

TwattyMcFuckFace · 08/11/2024 10:47

I don't even understand what you're saying now @Bippy2024 .

In your haste to keep deflecting any criticism of your posts, you're not making much sense.

Sorry you're making no sense, love, are you trying to make a point?

OolongTeaDrinker · 08/11/2024 10:49

I can't imagine not letting someone I was on friendly terms with use my shower a few times if they had no other options. Nothing wrong with letting her do it on your own terms though, like saying when she can come, and even for how long if you must.

This really does not need to impact your life much, but will make hers much easier, so why wouldn't you?

Bippy2024 · 08/11/2024 10:49

ChristmasFluff · 08/11/2024 10:44

Can you imagine if Jesus was a Mumsnetter? "Blind? Yeah, well that's my garment hem you're touching and I might catch covid". "Sorry, Lazarus will just have to stay dead, I'm enjoying a leisurely meeting with my bros here". "Don't open the door! It might be some people wanting fed."

We are the sum of our actions. I'm definitely not a push-over and have good boundaries, but this woman's life would be vastly improved at a minor inconvenience to me, so why would I say no?

And then she can give her a loaf and some fish and heal her leprosy.

And the Lord Sayeth Unto thee verily thou shalt let thou cheeky fucker neighbour use your shower or ye shall not reach the Kingdom of Heaven!

Comparing yourself to Jesus cos you'd hypothetically let some imaginary neighbour have a shower is absolutely fucking peak Mumsnet. Brilliant comedy comment, thanks love.

😅😂😅