to not let neighbour use my shower!

Don't be so selfish! Unless she's planning really long showers what's the big deal? Just ask her to come at a convenient time for you. I had the same issue a few years back and would have been lost without my kind neighbour. YABU

I'd say no. She's got water so she'll cope.

I also would never ask this of someone else.

What if the local gym isn’t so local? My parents live a 15 minute drive from the leisure centre.
Not everyone drives, but also this adds on an extra 30 minutes at least. The neighbour is probably thinking it’s just easy to pop next door, quick shower and out… can walk back home in a towel and dress there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I guess there’s lots to consider. Ops shower might be upstairs, I’d be less keen to allow a neighbour upstairs in my house. My shower is literally by front door so I wouldn’t have an issue as they’d barely be in my house .. lol

But several people have already pointed out they can't understand or empathise with different mindsets, and apparently are dismissing these basic, simple notions - which is really strange to me, but there you go.

The neighbour isn't in need.

'Be kind' seems to mean 'put other people's preferences ahead of yours'. Even in your own home!

Being neighbourly (to me) is taking in a parcel or putting out the bins for someone elderly/incapacitated. It's not making yourself feel uncomfortable for their convenience.
Fine if you don't mind but it's equally fine to mind!

Neighbours are just people you vaguely know because they live in a house on the same street as you - you don't owe them the use of your house if you feel uncomfortable about it, any more than you'd owe it to the postman or the barista in Costa who makes your latte every day!

But, deep down, I think it IS "that". Because you wouldn't think/feel those things without a deep-down feeling that you're separate from your neighbour, and your shower is very much YOUR shower, and only YOU have a right to it. Surely? We all have some degree of that. It's just its manifestations show in specific ways on this thread.

I know, they can't make it sound bad enough, can they? 🤣🤣

This thread has everything, including what sounds like a draft for a cheap erotic novel!

Such an insight into other people's minds, when someone just wants a quick wash in the shower.

Honestly OP, have you never been in need?

I find it interesting that you’re bragging about your two volunteer roles and your time as a community responder but when it’s something that puts you out and there’s no audience to see if, your civic mindedness seems to have left the building…

Yep, I do feel we're quite a selfish society. I don't know if it's always been like this here. I see a greater sense of community in other countries and cultures.

No, it's not that.

I just don't like the notion of being disrupted on a well deserved and worked for week off work, having to tidy up and look respectable instead of blobbing around (and yep I would have to do that absolutely) make sure the shower was spotless and then clean it thoroughly each time she used it because I have literally no idea if she's a manky bugger or has diseases or not.

I also don't like the notion of the CF neighbour pushing this boundary, because if she's comfortable being so pushy over this and I gave in, she might keep pushing.

And finally, it's not even anywhere near a necessity. CF neighbour is making her slight inconvenience her neighbour's inconvenience, and that is downright unneighbourly.

These seem very basic, obvious points to me.

You do know it's not compulsory to watch?

Ewww.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a neighbour using my shower or toilet. What an imposition.

Especially if I were using precious annual leave & trying to relax at home.

They should make arrangements with a gym or other facility. Or get a hotel room.

Haha... I'm in Birmingham, and am in the "normal request, why wouldn't you?" camp, if that helps 😂

What if you were born in Birmingham?

It's fascinating reading this thread. I think we're so deeply individualistic, and so "what's mine is mine, and I deserve it", in this country/predominant culture, and it's made us unquestioningly protective of our space and possessions. I say this of myself, too - I often catch myself thinking "CF" about things related to property/possessions (not about this particular request, which I find fine, but there are certainly things I do automatically think it about). We're weird, people (well, Brits?), aren't we?

I’m that neighbour who asked if she could use her neighbours’ showers whilst my bathroom was refitted (took 3 weeks.) I ended up using two neighbours showers over that time and was in and out in 10 minutes and made sure everything was as I found it.
I wouldn’t hesitate to let a neighbour use my shower and I’m a real homebody who loves her own space. And you say you get on with your neighbour? I think you’re being very unneighbourly and she’d be unimpressed if you said no. It will change your relationship.

Bleach is available but I think some people on here have been drinking it instead of using it to disinfect bodily run off.

I would consider someone I’d walked dogs with etc a friend of sorts. If my neighbour had a shower issue I’d offer her to shower in mine, and I know she’d do the same for me.
last year we had no water for a week (no water at all!)… I was collecting, straining and boiling rain water to wash in…. I’d sit in the shower with a huge bucket of hot water .. wet myself down… lather hair and body then rinse… it wasn’t pleasant but was doable…. Then someone at swimming (my DD swims) said to just sneak off and shower there… she’d only just started there & I felt awful doing it.. but I had the best
shower there & it made me really
appreciate how lucky we are turning on a tap and having clean hot water 😂😂
I would be saying to her that you’re in annual leave next week and don’t really want to commit to times as would like some lay ins. But could maybe help her out a couple of times… this way you’re being kind and offering her the use of the shower once or twice without commuting to the whole lot

I don't think anyone has said that they are 'afraid' of having someone else use their shower, just that its a little distasteful.

Absolutely not. She can have a strip down wash and wash her hair in the sink at home and go to a gym or leisure centre if she's that desperate for a shower. Nobody actually needs a shower.
Can't believe anyone would even ask this of a non relative.
If she really is that desperate she needs to pay for an emergency plumber and get it fixed today.

"Bodily run off"

😂

Oh mumsnet.

I would, without any hesitation. Fix a time that suits you, keep out of her way and get on with your day.
Maybe next time you will need the favour.

their bodily run off
🤣

Oops, hang on, you're not meant to say "naked" on this thread, it's a bit triggering for a couple of them.