to not let neighbour use my shower!

They will almost certainly agree she is being perfectly fair and reasonable.

And there we have it, didn't take long😅Nope, nothing nice about a sly attempted jibe. Nice try though eh 😏

how do you know it "must have been quite hard for the neighbour to ask this favour"?
You only have to look on here to see the number of CF threads where people wouldn't feel a shred of shame about asking for someone's life savings or free babysitting for a decade!

In fact, given the number of posters on here saying they wouldn't bat an eyelid and would offer to do the neighbour's washing on top, surely that suggests the opposite, that many people don't think it's a big imposition at all and therefore wouldn't bat an eyelid at asking?

With respect, I honestly don't think it does reflect that. I think people generally want to help when they can and if the request is judged to be reasonable. I would gladly help this person in other ways but the request is a bit much! If they had asked to use it once or twice maybe, but this is excessive when there are alternatives available.

They will probably agree you're being ungenerous and mean here.

(*people in mine ARE much nice. I'm not writing like Yoda to sound like a "sage" 😂)

.

No reason to think it was hard for her at all.

Another sainted member of the "Church of the Neighbourhood Sanctimums"

@GreengrassofW community is a bit of a vague term. There is close community which encompasses people you know very well, like family and friends, but also wider community, which are groups like your children's school, the people who work in the local shops, and yes, neighbours. But they are still just people I vaguely know. I'd do general things to benefit neighbours, for ex clearing the path during snow or taking a delivery or feeding their cat when they're on holiday. But that doesn't mean treating them the way I would family/friends.
That doesn't make people selfish or unkind.

Haha, I wish.... As I have said, I am FAR from a sage. I'm quite grateful not to live in your world, though, @Bippy2024 , because people in mine much nicer.

I'd say no.

A broken shower doesn't mean you can't wash!

I'd be embarrassed to ask.

This post clearly shows how much of a selfish society we have become. It must have been quite hard for the neighbour to ask for this favour. I hope the OP never has to ask her for a favour of any description.

I'm pretty solitary, don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone etc.., but I would have said yes to this.

I've been the single mother with a new born baby who had their water offline for a week.
I ended up knocking on the door of my nearest neighbour who barely knew me (I'd moved in a couple of weeks before) to ask if she would give me a couple of litres of water.

She offered to let me have a shower every couple of days, rinsed out a few 6 litre milk bottles to fill with water and dropped them to my door and told me to come back if I needed more.
She even said if they didn't get it fixed within a week to bring a load of washing round, but that didn't end up happening as it was sorted before I needed to.

I never forgot how much of a difference that made to a really difficult first few weeks with a tiny baby.

We still aren't friends, just smile as we pass each other by or maybe stop for a 2 minute chat at most, but stayed good neighbours and helped each other out on random occasions a few times over the years.

If you know her well enough to have given her your phone number, I'd say yes.
The goodwill will go on forever and you'll have genuinely helped someone who was stuck.

Nope, you're gibbering. It is, indeed, a fact that sometimes people push past boundaries more once you let them push past them once.

And everything I said was fair, reasonable and reality based.

Perhaps you're trying to sound like a sage or a guru, but you sound like you're on your second bottle of plonk and have been watching Gandhi on a loop.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a neighbour using my shower or toilet. What an imposition.

what, you mean that if you had them round for drinks at Christmas or something, you’d expect them to go home to use the toilet?

... and this is the possibility you chose to foreground. Not the possibility that this could be the start of a beautiful reciprocal relationship.

Well, at least you're not saying "What would Jesus Do?" I suppose 😂

Your post illustrates exactly what I mean.

We see these things as given. As "facts". But it's not the only way to see/approach the world. For example, you could feel/think more along the lines of "I currently have access to a working shower. Someone right next to me would like access to a working shower. I am no more deserving of this working shower than this other person. It therefore makes complete sense to facilitate this person using it". Now, obviously, taking this to an extreme would mean opening up your shower for the entire local homeless population. Which few would do (although really, perhaps we should). But not seeing any reason why your neighbour shouldn't use your shower is a step closer to that position.

But, deep down, I think it IS "that". Because you wouldn't think/feel those things without a deep-down feeling that you're separate from your neighbour, and your shower is very much YOUR shower, and only YOU have a right to it. Surely? We all have some degree of that. It's just its manifestations show in specific ways on this thread.

She is separate from her neighbour and it is her shower and she does get to decide who uses it. 🤣

maybe let her once or twice then say you're going away for a few days or have come down with a stomach bug and can't leave the loo/don't want to risk passing it on?

For everyone guilt tripping you about 'being neighbourly' I have to say I wouldn't dream of asking my 'on hello terms' neighbours this. For one shower, maybe yes but over a week's worth I think that is actually quite a big favour in terms of cost and inconvenience.

I can't believe she really can't get it fixed for over a week - the whole point of emergency plumbers is they usually charge you more to fix it asap! She's probably waiting for a friend to do it cheaper or something.

If it really couldn't be fixed I'd ask an actual friend or family member rather than a random neighbour (swapping between them), or failing that just join a gym! Unless you are in the middle of nowhere there are lots of those cheaper chains like pure gym/gym group/energise etc that are less than £20 for a month, i.e. probably less than the cost of water to you if she showers every day for a week!

edited to say I'm surprised at all the "what if there isn't a gym nearby?" ers
I've lived in towns, cities and villages and have never had to drive 'half an hour' or even twenty minutes to the nearest gym. The vast majority of the population (something like 83%) live in urban areas. I appreciate not as convenient if you don't drive, but most people are offering it as a fairly easily solution because for most people there is a gym/pool fairly close by.

My words didn't need to be interpreted, what I said was "If she's comfortable being so pushy over this and I gave in, she might keep pushing"

I didn't make the assumption, I correctly pointed out that this is a factual possibility based on reality.

Neighbours are not "just people you vaguely know". They are part of your community. What is their problem today will become your problem tomorrow. That's how life works, you give and take. Actually thank you, this is a good reminder that I need to be more neighbourly myself!

I think the assumptions about people in what you've written - that if you give an inch, they'll take a mile, etc. - are crucial. That's just not how I experience that vast majority of people - I suppose I'm very lucky that the vast majority of people I've met have been cooperative and respectful. But I understand I may be speaking from a very privileged position in my experiences. You may have had very different ones, and that is, of course, fine.

I'd probably say no, but I have 2 young children, one at home full time and a DH who works partly from home. We have 2 showers but I wouldn't want her using our ensuite. Or the kids' shower as their bathroom is set up for them and toddler's potty training.

Why can't she shower at local leisure centre, eg go for a swim every other day or the gym, showering afterwards? Or strip wash and use a jug in sink to wash hair?

It's a bit rude to ask to use a neighbour's shower, unless a close friend!

I wouldn't want to have to keep cleaning it after her either!

Say you're doing work on your bathroom or have something else going on?

This is a particularly strange comment in a thread of strange comments..

I AM separate from my neighbour, they're not me, they're not family and I know literally nothing about their hygiene in the shower or if they are diseased and want peaceful enjoyment of my well earned rest time and not to have to clean the shower before and after a basic stranger uses it.

And that's that.