to not let neighbour use my shower!

I think it’s cheeky to ask a neighbour, (not close friend or family) to use the shower. I would help my neighbours out with various problems but find that one rather intrusive. I wouldn’t ask that of a neighbour or probably even a close friend. We’ve had a broken shower and power cuts and just made do with boiling a kettle (gas). I just feel it’s too personal. (I also do voluntary work and I’m not unkind.)
Sorry first time posting as was a reply to someone but may have done it wrong and created a new post. I don’t know how to delete it.

So it's been just over a week. 7th to 16th

How many showers did you allow her @NavyOrca ?

I'm glad you said yes. At a time that suits you

It's a small thing to you but will be helpful to her

How would you feel if positions were reversed? If you get on fine, you may not love the idea but I would prob just go with it rather than ruin the relationship which could get awkward very quickly. You may need her for a favour one day.

Unless she is a gym member then she could go there for a shower that's what my husband did when our boiler broke down lol

Karma for having boundaries? 🤢

Totally agree! Not to mention we’re now in an age of low cost gym memberships. She could just sign up to a local gym and shower there.

What do you think people used to do before, then?

Agree, plenty of people wash that way normally.

Oh, if it won't kill her then that's all right isn't it

I didn't say you can never say no, and I didn't say refusal makes you a bad person. It depends on the circumstances! But this is using a shower whilst theirs is out of action. A pretty simple and innocuous request. I just find it beyond belief that someone feels this worthy of going on Mumsnet. We're clearly all different, but I'd have no hesitation.

So never say NO to any requests even if uncomfortable, so karma doesn't get you???
That's a ridiculous thing to live by.

There are many takers in life, OP wasn't sure, came here to ask for advice to help handle her discomfort.

Not everyone is happy having strangers in the house and that's ok.

Surely you can appreciate we're all different.

Saying NO doesn't automatically make one a bad person and people shouldn't do away with their boundaries for someone else's comfort.

I say this as someone who has at times used a bucket to wash when no one appropriate was available to ask.

Wow, whatever happened to being neighbourly. Say no if you really must, but karma may come back to bite you if you ever need a favour from your neighbour.

Wow I have adhd too and wondered if I was awful reading this. It would send me over the edge and it would ruin my week but it’s so hard to explain why, it makes me so uncomfortable.

If she doesn’t make you uncomfortable, then why not? It’s a small inconvenience on your part, and you will probably find it brings you closer together, and will be a funny story in the future. Also one shouldn’t do something with the expectation of getting anything back, that defeats the purpose.

Equally if you’re not comfortable then that is a different story entirely.

My neighbour and friend passed away this year. She was initially a stranger but we became friends quickly. She became a part of our community and I miss her dearly. We kept extending kindnesses to each other and looking out for each other, and it was wonderful.

I have to admit I’d never ask a neighbour for this!
Hmm, I would possibly (begrudgingly) accept, but say only possible on (say) weekends as you’re out midweek or on holiday and won’t be up until gone midday and then going out.

gosh yes, week off I’d hate having to get the house ready everyday, but also keep it casual in case you need a favour.

I get she’s in a pickle and agree on telling her specific times that she can use it. But when I was in the same position I’d wash my hair in the sink, then fill a large pitcher with hot water, soap up in the shower (but not using the shower only the drain) pour the pitcher over myself, dry off and done! I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking our neighbors. And we didn’t have hot water either, I had to heat it over the stove.

I would never ask to use a neighbour's shower in this situation. There are over ways to wash! In the past, I've had to boil water for weeks when waiting for a boiler to be fixed.

It would be a no from Me!

I can’t imagine asking this of a neighbour.
id rather just use the showers at my gym everyday (and even join a local gym just to do so if I wasn’t a member already).

I think I’d let her if it was every other day and I could give a set time for her to do so

I’d do it- you might need a favour from her in the future. I’ve done a few favours for my neighbour like taking in her milk, feeding her fish when she was on holiday and on one occasion taking in a very expensive seafood delivery and storing it my already packed fridge at Christmas when she got stuck somewhere overnight! I like being neighbourly and she owes me!

I think it would be neighbourly to help her, you never know when you might need a favour in return.

To reduce the impact to your week off, perhaps define a timeframe she could popover, i..e. early morning, late evening, personally don't think it would disturb.

It won't kill her to wash in a sink. Just say no. It's also expensive to heat water

It's hardly 'open access' it's for a matter of a few days, and the OP could easily set a time that 's convenient for her.
As for 'virtual strangers naked in their house' 🙄a) she's a friendly neighbour and b) I at least am assuming the OP won't be in the bathroom while the neighbour is naked. If the mere thought of someone behind a closed/locked door being naked gives you the vapours, you really do need help.

She wasn't 'expecting', she was asking. Just in case the OP turned out to be a reasonable person.
The OP's description of the neighbour makes it sound like their relationship is not just 'people who happen to live near you.' but that they know each other on at least friendly terms.
I find the thought of driving an hour rather than asking a friendly neighbour nuts. If a neighbour told me they were going to do that so as to 'deal with their own shit' I'd laugh and tell them just to use mine. You never know when you might need a little favour back.

I disagree.
Your view isn't any more relevant or correct than mine.