For reporting my DH to the Health Visitor? What should I do?

You leave him and take your kids.

My DH is Irish and I have to remind him not to swear. My family don’t swear, my in-laws seem to swear a lot and not care if DC are in earshot. I had to ask my BIL to stop using “twat” in front of my toddler, after using it about 20 times in half an hour. However it’s never in an aggressive way or at the DC. If you are done then you are done, I don’t think that someone else telling him it’s wrong will change anything but knowing that his behaviour is going to cost him his marriage might?

Irish do swear but not so much in an aggressive manner & ime would use feck instead of fuck.

Swearing isn't great but why are your children terrified?

My next door neighbour uses the f word All the time. I'd never heard anyone swear at children using the f word in my life until I heard her. And now the children use the f word all the time as well - aged about 8 and 10. You can hear them swearing back at her. It's distressing to hear. I wonder what in earth the future holds for them being brought up to think that is the normal way to communicate with people.
I think OP I wouldn't be able to live with a man who behaved that way in front of his own children. Who cared so little about giving them a decent upbringing.

It's not so much walking on eggshells as being a good role model for your children no?

I feel for you, my DH is the same and I'm terrified our 2 year old will start swearing in front of my parents (or anyone) ...but he does concede that it's a problem and will apologise if I call him up on it. I have literally said to him (semi seriously) 'if she starts swearing because of you I will walk out the door' - I seriously wouldn't be able to handle it.

He still does it but I keep picking him up and it's getting better. I think the problem is your DH isn't willing to concede it's an issue. I'm not sure where you can go with that. An ultimatum maybe? The blocking you on WhatsApp is another major red flag. If my DH did this I would be out the door. Is he worth the energy of trying to change him? Does he bring good things to your life?

Does he say F.uck or Feck, my husband is Irish and he insists Feck isn't a swear word, but I have asked him not to use it in front of our girls and he tries his very best, it might slip out once a month if he hurts himself. Our girls know it's a 'naughty' word, will remind him of this and he says sorry.

Personally I hate swearing at a person, to me it very aggressive and not something I would tolerate. For F's sake when you break a glass/hurt yourself is very different to me to F off you F'ing idiot

As much as the swearing, it's the aggression which would bother me.

I think the swearing isn't the biggest problem here, I'd be more concerned about his behaviour towards the children (he sounds like a rather angry, aggressive man) and the fact that your daughter was terrified of him. I couldn't be with someone who my children were afraid of, what a horrible way for them to grow up

well my grandparents and mother are both irish (grandparents dead now) and i never heard either swear in my life. So I don’t think it’s compulsory.

My DH is Irish, as we're his parents. Whilst he does use the F word more liberally than most, he never did in earshot of our DCs
Now they're 18 and 16, he does swear a bit more (tbh my DD (18) is worse on WhatsApp) but not around kids.

@getmeout12 Surely your DH can understand the logic of children not doing what we say but what we do. He swears, she swears. He's supposed to be a role model. My DH swears when he's upset too but he doesn't spend enough time with our children for them to be influenced...which in itself is probably not a good thing 😅

I swear an awful lot. My child does not. Because I don’t swear AT her.

YABU to expect someone else to care that he swears
YANBU that he sounds borderline abusive and you should leave him

I find it interesting he reacted so strongly to your dd swearing because that seems to suggest he knows it's wrong but can't or won't stop himself? Almost like he's taking anger at himself out on her.
The risk when they become teens isn't that they won't know it's wrong, it's that they'll know it gets a reaction.
There are worse things than swearing but what is your relationship like generally?

No one else can change your DP except him. If he won't change and this matters to you then you need to change when/how he sees your DC.

If this means LTB then that is what you need to do, if it's important to you.

The HV and school won’t do anything.

Do you think he doesn’t know that he’s swearing ? Or does he think that swearing is ok for adults and not for kids? Unless he tells his kids that, of course they will swear.

There’s lots of red flags here. The fact that he can not communicate is troubling. I am a sweary person but I modify my language when in hearing distance of children. I think that’s normal adult behaviour tbh.

I'm Irish and very sweary but your examples of how he swears and his general behaviour make him sound like a complete psycho. No one I know would tell their kids to "get out of the fucking car". The f bombs are the least of your worries..

Is he saying fucking or feckin

feckin is absolutely standard language and not considered a swear word as far as I can work out in ireland.

The first time my DS told me his teacher had referred to the boys as “feckin gobshites” I was horrified, no one else was even vaguely fazed 🤣

I'm sorry your dd is upset and afraid.

Generally, you turn my stomach with your prissy ways. Your parents also. How dare you let the child make a 'Daddy's swear jar'? How rude. But that's how you are and it's not like your dh. You shouldn't have to endure something you find so offensive. And he shouldn't have to endure walking on eggshells so as not to offend. If he's taking it beyond 'expressing himself' and upsetting the children then you need to take them away from him, and make a safe place for them. Leave the bastard.

Leave the fucking bastard, he's a cunt for the swearing.

I think you need to chill out. It's just a word. The Health Visitor is not going to intervene on something like this, it's not a health or safety issue.

I'd tell both your children that there's no such thing as bad words, just inappropriate words in some situations. The f word is not appropriate at Grandma and Granddad's or at school.

No, it's not an Irish thing. His nationality is not a reason or excuse for his behaviour.

I don’t know what to advise you. I am a bit of a swearer and so is my DC dad. Our kids did pick it up and we would tell them they couldn’t say it at school and it was about context but we didn’t ’explode’ at them and terrify them. I think the issue is his temper not just the language. My little toddler niece walks around saying ‘fuck’ and we stupidly laughed now are all trying to get her to stop doing it but sometimes if you make it into a big thing it becomes far bigger than what it started out. My DC didn’t really grow up swearing at school it ended up not a big deal and I told them I was silly for saying it and yeah, taught them the context so none of us have ever sworn AT each other just in passing. My DC do swear now they are older and we are all doing fine in terms of life outcomes. I don’t know if I can give any reassurance about your DC but it’s your husbands reactions that are the issue - kids should not be this scared of a parent

When I told my husband again that it had to stop, he says she needs to be told off that it's wrong.

What stands out is the double standard, he is allowed use that word but dd isn't. Him using it daily means she will too and that will be his fault, just as it was his parents fault so all self perpetuating. Sure you've already said this to him - if so what does he say?

I don't think this something for a health visitor. I find it concerning he would block you on WhatsApp. How would you describe him as a father and partner?

Your husband blocked you in WhatsApp? That would be enough for me to leave him.