I have not been getting on with my partner at all whatsoever. If I had money I’d have left ages ago. We have not been intimate in 2 years but had a nice relationship up until the last 7 months. He is very angry and aggressive to my adult daughter and myself but will think it’s our fault. He cannot have a discussion/disagreement without it turning verbally aggressive. I can’t discuss any of my issues with him as he feels attacked and then is nasty to me. He has very low emotional intelligence which has always been the case but the good outweighed the bad. I have went through years of toxic stuff with him and his Mother which tbf has calmed but I feel so resentful and can’t stop thinking of how badly I’ve been treated for the past 25 years. We have adult children and 14 year old twins. I feel so guilty about wanting to leave as I know how much it will impact them. One has autism.
Anyway I have told my partner repeatedly that I am done and have put my name on social housing lists as I cannot afford to private rent, I live in a big city and prices are through the roof, my twins are boy girl and I have older boy girl adult children and they all have their own room.
I could write a list of the things he has done to hurt me but it was always 85% of the time he would try and we got on well and he could be so caring. I don’t think he’s nasty he’s just selfish and not had the best upbringing and his emotional needs were not met. I have done so much work on myself and grown so much, I can’t kid myself on but he seems to be able to and just wants to sweep everything under the carpet but inside my head is screaming! If I try to chat he just swears and goes up to bed. I’ve told him I’m leaving when i can but because im being civil I genuinely don’t think he believes me.
He has booked a holiday for all of us and I just can’t think of anything worse than having to spend time with him and pretend as I am so done. However my younger twins are so excited and are looking forward to it. Should I go for them? I had my first at 19 so I think I am just really burnt out as I’ve always put my children first but I don’t know if I can this time, thinking if the holiday fills me with dread as it feels so fake. I can’t be my genuine self now with him and basically have to put up and shut up which I’m not willing to do. He is not capable of any reflection and I am done doing all of the emotional work with him. Sorry it’s so long.