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Original poster

To stay in a marriage because of how upset 14 year old DS has a?

35 replies

AlwaysConfuzzled · 07/11/2024 17:53

DS has ADHD and struggles with hid emotions

DD is 12 ASD and doesn’t have a close relationship with dad ( he suspects he is also ASD as they are so similar which actually makes their relationship a difficult one )

After a good few years of trying to make the marriage work, I have become very depressed and emotionally wrecked to the point I have asked for a divorce

DH doesn’t see why the fact he never wants to talk to me, doesn’t enjoy doing anything with me ( or DS really unless it’s a shared hobby ) doesn’t emotionally support me in any way and whenever I get upset tells me I’m being ridiculous, show any affection unless he wants sex would mean that I don’t want to be with him anymore

We broke up 5 years ago for a year and lived together as he wouldn’t leave and I couldn’t afford to leave and it was hell

DS is begging me to try again, says he will never forgive me and that I have ruined his life 😢

I feel sick with worry every minute of the day now

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 07/11/2024 18:20

No, you need to explain to your son that it is not possible. You have already tried again and adults sometimes have to take these decisions which in turn are better for everyone in the long run. I’d get him some professional help to support with the transition.

Womblewife · 07/11/2024 18:18

Just comfort him and reiterate that everything will be fine, but don’t back down and don’t stay in an awful marriage. It’s nerves that are making him feel upset and fear of the unknown, it will all work out.

stilleasy · 07/11/2024 18:15

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JollyPinkFox · 07/11/2024 18:12

I don't understand what youve told your son here that makes him think you need to 'try again'? Have you overshared with a 12 year old? It should've just been, Mum and Dad aren't together now, a fact not a negotiation

Whothefuckdoesthat · 07/11/2024 18:10

You could back down and agree not to leave. But when will it be ok to leave? After he has left school? When he has moved out? After he has a family of his own? He’s just a kid who can see that his whole world will change. That’s scary enough for an NT kid, but for a kid with additional issues, I’d imagine it would be terrifying.

You have to bite the bullet and do it. Don’t do it and then back down, or let yourself be talked into trying again. He needs to know that you’re in control, you have an aim and that you know what you’re doing.

Eenameenadeeka · 07/11/2024 18:04

You need to take care of yourself and do what's right for you, you being happy will be better for your children as well. I understand that it's hard for your son but he will have to adapt, and when you are happier he will be as well. I think at that age, any child will tell us that we are ruining their lives for all sorts of things, but you aren't.

TimeForTeaAndG · 07/11/2024 17:59

This isn't DS' relationship, he doesn't get a say. He may act out etc but you cannot stay in a shitty marriage and destroy yourself.

What's the relationship status at the moment and why is DS now saying this?

stilleasy · 07/11/2024 17:59

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TriangleLight · 07/11/2024 17:57

Oh, this sounds so difficult. This time would you be able to live in your own houses? He might remember the horrible time before

TheSilkWorm · 07/11/2024 17:56

No you cannot stay with a terrible husband because your DS wants you to. What is he scared of if you separate?

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