Nursery worker speaking harshly to child

Absolutely
Report it and record that it has been reported.

Thanks OP. You may have set the wheels in motion that go on to protect a child in the future from when this woman has had a particularly day and takes it out on her charges.

No advice, but you sound like a wonderful nursery nurse, OP.

Good on you, from a parent with a child in a nursery. My nursery the staff are very very soppier with my daughter so I’m not worried about her, but I worry for children in settings like the one where the worker left the baby in bean bag and let it cry and die alone. That worker was on cctv saying very off hand and mean comments to upset children. That’s what safeguarding is for, to catch people that shouldn’t be work with vulnerable people

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. I've worked in childcare for 23 years and volunteered with young people for around 18 years. Report your concern to her immediate supervisor. I'm more worried about the 'cuddle' aspect, maybe I'm misreading it but it sounds like she was pushing him to have a cuddle which is massively inappropriate. If she behaves like this in front of other staff, I don't like to think how she is out-of-sight.

Well done for speaking up OP. It's not rude to decline a cuddle. This person is really crap at understanding child development too. It isn't whinging that they should be told to stop at toddler age, it's learning to express uncomfortable feelings. She should be labelling, modelling and teaching how to cope with his feelings instead of "stop whinging love".

I see about three problems with this and none of them is massive in itself - I certainly wouldn't describe it as a safeguarding issue - but they aren't ideal and I would want to be told if I was the woman's boss.

1. telling him off for not wanting a cuddle, when we are all supposed to be encouraging children to understand that it's up to them who touches them;
2. effectively telling him off for being upset (never reasonable, but even less so when someone is so young and, as the OP said, doesn't really have the vocabulary to express how he feels yet);
3. (I'm amazed that only one person seems to have really picked up on this one) not doing something about the fact that the other boy wouldn't hand over the toy! He's going to end up thinking he can do whatever the hell he likes at this rate. What's wrong with "Henry, please give the train to Benji now. You've had a long turn and now it's his turn. Let's find you something else to play with!" said in a cheerful and friendly way?

Well in this instance I think I would give it one more day but keep an eye on it. It’s great you are returning there. I have found it harder to know what to do when I have been in a setting for one day and not gone back as it comes across as very judgmental to complain about other people’s way of doing things the first day we meet them. We all have days when we aren’t perfect in every way and if 95% time she is great with the children and she was having an off day then although it isn’t okay to be like this as a pattern, you don’t want it to become a place where everyone is hyper-critical and looking for fault in each other as this might mean they are all on edge as that won’t be good for the children either.

My son hated a nursery he went to. He used to cry at drop-off etc.. I just assumed it was a problem with him feeling anxious at being separated from me. The staff always used to say 'hea fine as soon as you've left' etc... But when I picked him up one day an agency worker said he'd been crying all day despite the full time worker having told me otherwise. The agency worker told me quietly not to bring him back, it's not a good place.

I listened and I never took him back and I enrolled him elsewhere, where he settled very quickly and actively looked forward to going.

I hope whatever was going on at that last nursery, the agency worker that so bravely gave me the heads up, has also whistle blown.

Precisely. I’m honestly surprised that more people didn’t pick up on this.

Refusing physical affection or comfort is not rude.
That nursery teacher‘s behaviour was genuinely inappropriate and worrying imo.

That’s the bit I picked up on too.

I would not be happy if I found out a nursery teacher spoke like that to my child and was saying they are rude for not wanting a cuddle.

I get that kids can be whiney, but at that age, they can have difficulty expressing themselves, the nursery teacher is not modelling very good behaviour, is she?

It's terrible modelling for how to deal with conflict and communicate. Small children are often irritating but if you work in early years care you should know telling a toddler to stop whinging because they are giving you earache is not the way to deal with the situation.

The nursery clearly has rules about turn taking and the little boy waited his turn.

The rules were not enforced by the nursery worker who then blamed the little boy who had been waiting. Of course he was upset, reasonably so, and should not have been called a whinger and forced to suck it up or be forced to cuddle instead of the situation being resolved and then called rude for rejecting a cuddle.

Enforcing social rules like turn taking is required for learning. Being called rude for saying no to a cuddle is safeguarding.

This was a pre school close to me not too different by the sounds of it
www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/yate-nursery-children-at-risk-677524.amp

This is a nursery. The people working there are supposed to be trained in handling toddlers without resorting to telling them to stop whinging. A trained person would instead try to distract the child and deflect the child from feeling upset. To be honest if the child is non verbal it may be the way they can communicate their feelings. Definitely report her she obviously needs further training. I would hate for anyone to speak to my grandchildren in this way. Follow your instinct.

Ooo, you are brave calling people over 18 years old ‘girls’ on MN 🤣

You need to remember most of the girls in a nursery are children themselves. Just mention it quietly to the manager and move on.

You sound like you have a good few years experience of working in this sector. Surely you can trust your gut and know what the best course of action is.

Report.

This ☝️☝️☝️ 100% agree

If this made you feel uncomfortable,there must be a reason follow your gut instinct rather than leave it.