To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

@oakleaffy that's so sad, I have never felt so stressed in my life watching my happy healthy beautiful child start disappearing and risking her own life- for what? Something that wasn't desirable or necessary. Eating disorder culture is insidious, even on Mumsnet, and that's why I have to speak up when people are normalizing being underweight as low as those BMIs.

I tend to notice people who are the same size as me but only in a way of looking at how they dress their bodies because I don’t yet think I’ve found my new style as a bigger woman since having two kids.

I didn’t read the thread but when people around me are talking about dieting and losing weight when they’re a lot smaller than me I do wonder what they think of me!

I am overweight and would in an ideal world be a few clothes sizes smaller but I’m trying to focus on fitness and health at the moment rather than the number on the scales so I can’t say I think of my weight that often,

In video games there's a concept of NPCS (non-playable characters) who are generic characters in the background or with whom you might have a short but insignificant interaction. My belief is that most people are perceived as NPCs, with the exception of both ends of the spectrum.

As a woman, it makes zero difference if you're slightly overweight or fairly overweight. The vast majority of strangers see you as an NPC. An average person you meet in everyday life. They will not judge you more negatively because you are a size 20 rather than a size 16.

Women with EDs or weight obsessions will obviously notice other people's weight far more acutely. However this might not count as average perception since everyone has selective attention for certain things. Men especially only really notice the extremely young and slim end of the spectrum...think size 6, 20-something year olds. If that's not you, then there's no real point in splitting hairs about how a certain size might be perceived relative to another size, if all of these sizes are in the average or overweight category.

this. I'm someone who doesn't really think much about their weight or the food I eat, it was interesting, but also a bit depressing to see how much time and effort other people spend on it. Because of that I'm reluctant to assure OP that nobody cares about her weight - chances are that if there are that many people assessing their weight that compulsively then of course some (not all) of them will be comparing their weight against other people's. If you are that concerned about your own weight then on some level you clearly do think (consciously or unconsciously) that thin = good and fat = bad so how could you not judge others who are bigger/smaller than you? I'm not saying they then make the further correlation into any other attributes such as fat = lazy/greedy etc., but I think anyone saying "I think about my weight often but never about other people's" are being disingenuous.

People saying they don't notice weight at all are fibbing a bit - of course everyone will notice it, in the same way you notice height, race, hair colour etc. Realistically if you spent ten minutes talking to someone and then a third person asked you 'Were they black or white?' or 'Were they thin or fat?' and you replied 'I didn't even notice!' it would be a cause for concern about your vision or memory!

I do think that, even if they notice it, the vast majority of people don't really care about how everyone else looks though. As posters have said, there could be factors that would flag stronger views - someone struggling to do something could (fairly on unfairly) bet attributed to their weight, what they are eating, if they make comments about their own weight, or if they are extremely obese - but for the average overweight person just going about their day, the majority of people wouldn't think anything particular.

Yes, we all notice in the most basic sense, but not everybody adds judgement to that noticing. Of course we can all see what somebody looks like including their weight, but I can’t imagine, say, looking at someone and thinking “ugh, about a size 18, how unhealthy and unattractive”. I just notice the person and whether they look particularly nice that day. I think that’s what people are meaning.

When I see people your size, I mostly sympathise - it's really hard maintaining a healthy weight and I've been many sizes.
I think when I see people who are so huge they can barely move (where the arms kind of sit on top of everything like flippers), I do wonder wtf happened.

@BetterInColour You will know that people also love to boast about ''I have a BMI of 15 '' - it definitely isn't normal or healthy.

I'd have to weigh six stones to have a BMI of 15, and that definitely wouldn't be healthy or normal.

I lived with anorexics/bulimics as a teenager, {Hostel for young people} and it seemed very, very ''competitive'', almost like an addiction.

One of the girls I googled a couple of years ago, and am relieved to see that she is a successful woman now, and most importantly, alive.

There was a mother on here a day or so ago to say how she had lost her Daughter to anorexia.

It looks an awful condition to suffer from.

I look at myself and other women a lot.

I am vain and slim and a gym goer. My health is very important to me and so when I see an obese person- and I do mean obese then I feel revulsion.

I went to a girls school in the 1990s... It was full of thin girls moaning about how fat they were. I found it tedious then and I really have no time to entertain it from adult women.

I notice all kinds of things about other people all the time- unusual looks, weight, pretty face, outfit that attracts my eye, something I would never wear, very tight clothing (squeezing into things does look worse, I think). It's mostly not judgemental though I do think 'I wouldn't want to look like that'. I don't dislike or hate people on weight though ever, all my friends are of different sizes, so are my colleagues and it just doesn't figure in how I value them. I do worry if one of them suddenly gets very thin through stress or overweight from illness and that's it.

I'm a slim woman who thinks about my weight a lot and posted on THAT thread to say that I think about it multiple times a day, and that that is not great and I need to work on that. However, I need to work on it because its superficial, silly and self absorbed and detracts from the important things in life.
The pertinent part to this thread is the self absorbed part, because it really is all about me. It's a preoccupation with self that frankly leaves little head space to think about other women's weight. Bluntly, I couldn't care less what you weigh, I am the centre of my thoughts on this subject.
I do notice other women's appearance but typically when I think they look lovely, which I often do. Their clothes, hair, faces, sometimes figures, but by no means is that the main thing I notice.
I'd also like to add that in the main other women are very nice to me. I've not experienced any of this apparant spite and jealousy. I get lots of compliments from women.

@BambALamb there's also a lot of content on social media which is not 'about' eating disorders, but is about things that seem healthy and nice, like great recipes, trying on new clothes, but is a way of promoting or showing off the very very underweight body of the influencer for comments. I had no idea how toxic and awful this social media is (Insta, TikTok) until my dd showed me, even if you try to avoid the worst of it, it's feeding into our dds minds all the time and making them worse. I have three friends with dd's with ED too.

Now I'm normal size, I'm quite intolerant of very large people encroaching on my space; but mainly because when I was huge I did everything in my power to avoid being seated near people. Paid more for aisle seats, paid for individual seats on trains etc, avoided restaurants with booths. I wasn't so huge that I couldn't fit in a winged chair, but it wasn't comfortable. I went to a concert in March, and a woman sat next to me and was easily bigger than I was before. I wouldn't have cared or noticed but she was taking up some of my seat, elbowing me. In a way I felt sorry for her as she can't have felt comfortable, but I was absolutely livid that my seat and personal space were being encroached. So yes I agree: if someone's size is directly impacting me then I notice. But we are talking really big people. The OP isn't as big as that.

Yes of course people notice each other ie of course we notice someone is slimmer or larger than average or has ginger hair or exceptionally long hair or a beard etc..
But are we judging everyone all the time based on their weight?- That's a personal thing.

Don't give it a nano seconds thought. You are happy, you have a good relationship and your confident. It's no one else's business !

Can someone put a link to that thread please?

@BambALamb BMI is a bit of a blunt tool, and also I think not very culture sensitive, as I say, there are certain ethnic groups that run with much higher or much lower BMIs especially in their teen years and are perfectly healthy- I did a study on this and it also differs according to when puberty and full adult development actually stops, so you get some young women aged 16 who are basically adult BMI and some who are still very childlike, which is why there's a separate child BMI scale.

Sorry it's complex. I didn't mean to suggest you have any issues, if you eat normally. Weight-restricting in low BMI girls though is very common, and shouldn't be normalized. If any worries, you can see the GP.

Your friends commenting on the 'skinniness' of very very slim people around you is probably giving you a weird reference point!

I have told my ED daughter to get off social media as it is incredibly and pervasively body dysmorphic in all kinds of ways. I don't think unless you have seen it you can know how weird and abnormal this constant 'body checking' and valorisation of very very low weights is on there.

I call bullshit on most of these responses.
Of course people notice eachother. Women particularly.
And no-one is happy about sitting next to a large person on a train or plane.

It's not unusual to be your size. I wouldn't think much of it. I suppose if i was put on the spot and had to form an opinion ie if someone said describe this lady - do you mean the skinny one.., I might say a plus size/curvy woman , dresses well, is pretty (if you are).

@CortieTat yep when we lived in Copenhagen I saw far less hugely overweight people- male and female, although I saw plenty around my 16/18 amongst women over 50 .saw incredibly few very large younger people or kids - same when we went to Sweden- which we did a lot. I think excercise is part of it- was a lot more 'outdoorsy'. Used to see school kids frequently out in a school day doing outdoorsy things.Lots of people cycled a lot, and eating and drinking out is expensive so it seemed to me people did less of it on a regular basis. Coffee and cake was a big thing in Sweden ( fika if I remember correctly) but I used to see lots 'sharing ' - again I see less of that here.

I'm 5"6 and bang-on 10 stone. I'll take a size 8 or 10 in clothes depending on brand and style. Generally I'm happy with my weight/appearance and it's something I put effort into maintaining through diet and exercise. More importantly, I'm fit and active which I enjoy the feeling of.

I am aware of other people's size, because it's something I prioritise in my own life, but mainly alongside other factors. For example, if someone is a bit larger but confident in themselves (which I think you can generally pick up on through clothes and body language) I'll not perceive their size in a negative way, more - just as others have said - as a neutral characteristic about them. If someone was especially large, I would be aware of it in a sympathetic way in that there must be a psychological, health or lifestyle reason holding them back from being physically healthy and being able to live life to the fullest. If someone was especially underweight, I'd have a similar perception.

The only time I'm judgemental inwardly of someone's weight is where I see them actively making unhealthy choices but also then complaining about their weight. I know someone who will happily have regular takeaways and large desserts but also often complain about how they don't know why they can't lose weight. They are out of breath at any set of stairs and talk of never having any energy, but will also take any escalator/lift available for even just a single floor and drive even distances that would be a 10 min walk. I filter my outward reaction though as rationally I know it's none of my business.

@BambALamb If you are between 17 and 18.5 BMI, that would indeed be slim and not problematic, especially if you eat normally, but I just didn't want people to think a BMI of 15/16 is ok for the vast majority of people.

I'm a bit over-sensitive about this, one of my children has had an ED and at under 17 BMI they looked extremely underweight in a way that was noticeable to everyone else around them. Social media, and also norms coming from other cultures (e.g. weights and BMIs relevant to say petite frames on Chinese and Asian social media) is making us not recognise when some young women are already in very deep in ED territory.

Those BMI statistics are really interesting because I previously had a BMI of 14 at 18/19 and my friend said that’s not that low/no medical professional was concerned but that puts me into the extreme category! Gosh my bones must be very light!