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Breastfeeding a stranger’s child

233 replies

grou · 07/11/2024 00:29

I was recently told of a friend’s friend who under very specific circumstances was compelled to breastfeed a complete stranger’s baby. I find the concept quite disturbing. Think remote, small airport. One rug shop for duty free. But then again a starving baby is a starving baby.

As far as I am aware there were really no alternative options available.

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 07/11/2024 14:12

@Elleherd this made me so emotional 🥹

Bumblebeestiltskin · 07/11/2024 14:11

grou · 07/11/2024 00:35

I just find the idea of it really unpleasant, curious if it’s just me. I assume I would do the same if a child was hungry and there really was nothing else to be done. But the idea of doing that is disturbing like I said

What exactly do you find unpleasant, though?

I've breastfed a friend's baby when she was having a medical emergency, and I would have happily fed a stranger's baby if the baby needed feeding.

QueSyrahSyrah · 07/11/2024 14:05

Not every part of the world has 24 hour access to formula. Christ I live on a British Island and between the hours of 1am and 6am there is not one single shop open. The only place I could think you'd have to go between those hours to access formula in an emergency would be the hospital.

With regards airports, years ago I unexpectedly spent around 8 hours in an airport in Africa. It wasn't event that remote but flights were few and far between enough that they weren't accustomed to transit passengers and thus the single (souvenir) shop and cafe only opened for a couple of hours before a departing flight. We arrived 8 hours before our onward flight departed and were basically shown to a large hall with some seats and a set of toilets to wait it out.

In that situation formula was simply not available. A passenger that had brought powder formula would not have had access to the means to make it up.

This was in the middle of a very straightforward journey from London to Cape Town that went a bit awry. It can happen much more easily than some on this thread seem to imagine.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 07/11/2024 13:54

I accepted BM donations for my poorly newborn. Thank you to everyone that does this. No ick here!

ChilledMama85 · 07/11/2024 11:59

Tigertigertigertiger · 07/11/2024 00:34

I think it's pretty beautiful actually

this ! ♥️

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/11/2024 11:48

@Elleherd that was beautiful it made me cry.

CollisionCourse · 07/11/2024 11:33

Elleherd · 07/11/2024 07:04

As a a very young teen mum automatically breast feeding for financial reasons, back in the days when most where bottle feeding and they went to nursery at night; I breastfed a baby born withdrawing from heroin. I got tired of listening to his high pitched incessant crying in pain while mine comfortably suckled.
I was supposed to put mine back in the cot, then pump the leftovers for him, and a nurse would mix it in with powdered feed, and hold the bottle into his cot to feed him.

His mother couldn't feed him and he was just a terribly alone object of pity, changed and fed in his cot, mewling and shrieking, waiting for what my baby left and a nurse to have time to hold a bottle out to him.

One night his pitiful shrieks completely got to me (it's not any sort of normal cry and I can still hear it) and overwhelmed I just picked him up and he instinctively latched on, and the terrible noises stopped, so I let him.

Matron walked in on it and instead of hitting the roof, just said it was about time someone gave him a cuddle. So that was that and an unofficial routine started.
I spent the next three weeks expressing in the daytime and dual feeding at night, and the nurses stopped complaining about what a nuisance binding and unbinding me was.

Matron was a very sensible woman, that baby went on to have a difficult life, re addicted via methadone as a small child, and in and out of care, but he got warmth, cuddled, and fed when he was born into misery and at a time when his mother was unable to.

No regrets whatsoever, I'm glad I was too young to even think about rights and wrongs and just saw need, and matron was wise enough to know how to quietly use the situations we were all in.
( I admit there's an instinct to cross my arms over my breasts when when I see him now as an adult male, but he's a lot bigger these days!)

What a haunting story ☹️
And what an admirable young woman you were.

CocoDC · 07/11/2024 11:27

In some countries it’s still normal for wet nurses to be hired.

BenditlikeBridget · 07/11/2024 11:23

I’d have done it in a heartbeat if a tiny baby needed urgent sustenance. I have no ick about it whatsoever.

Pinkpaperclip · 07/11/2024 11:18

I don’t understand some of the comments about absolutely not would they feed someone else’s child or would they let someone else feed their baby.

As a mum, as soon as baby is hungry and especially when they are screaming hungry for a feed it sends you into panic mode quick feed the baby scenario.

I am sorry but if your baby is at an airport, you are unable to feed for whatever emergency reason, would you rather your baby starve and go hours without food and possibly dehydrated or let someone else give them a quick feed

If my newborn was screaming for a feed and I was say fainted or unwell and I found out a stranger stepped in and gave him a feed I’d cry of thankfulness

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/11/2024 11:12

I'm also shocked by the people who seem to think there is nowhere in the world without access to a fully stocked shop.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/11/2024 11:08

My mum fed another baby when I was tiny. They were stuck in an airport in remote China, it was about 40 years ago and the other mum was so stressed and upset she couldn’t feed her baby. I don’t know if mum offered or the other woman asked but everyone was happy, the baby was fed/hydrated/soothed and the mum calmed down. I’d definitely feed another baby and would be happy for another woman to feed mine if circumstances necessitated it.

It’s how babies are supposed to be fed, no need for pearl clutching or ickiness.

The dramatic yuck reactions show what a bang up job the formula lobby has done. Good for the bottom line, not good for babies.

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/11/2024 11:01

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/11/2024 09:12

I BF both of mine, and wouldn’t have had a problem with feeding anyone else’s baby in an emergency. Likewise I’d have been grateful to anyone who did the same for one of mine in such circs.

Talking of such emergencies, I once heard a R4 talk by an elderly woman who’d been snowed in during WW2, with a young baby, on her own, no help anywhere near, her milk had dried up and she had nothing else - except for her German Shepherd dog, which had recently had puppies.

So in desperation she put her baby to the dog, which accepted it quite happily.

At the time when she was speaking, the ‘baby’ was long grown up, a healthy adult.

I heard that story on R4 and was going to mention it. The dog saw that the baby was in distress and offered herself up for it. The mother washed the dog's nipples so it was as hygienic as possible. Amazing story.

Miyagi99 · 07/11/2024 10:55

IdleAnimations · 07/11/2024 10:48

I think we’d need more info from OP as it seems an odd situation. Established breastfeeding doesn’t usually dry up like that unless the mother is poorly.

Yes it didn’t say why the baby needed feeding just that it did and it sounds like there weren’t any other options (why she mentioned the rug shop only I presume?).

IdleAnimations · 07/11/2024 10:48

Miyagi99 · 07/11/2024 10:37

Literally said in the OP there was no shop in the airport. I’m assuming it was in a third world country, mum and baby could have been there hours and hours by this point.

Edited

I think we’d need more info from OP as it seems an odd situation. Established breastfeeding doesn’t usually dry up like that unless the mother is poorly.

Miyagi99 · 07/11/2024 10:37

IdleAnimations · 07/11/2024 09:37

Don’t be so over dramatic. Nearly every shop I’ve been in has had ready made formula. I am doubtful someone would let it get to the point a child is actually starved unless they’re in a war zone.

Literally said in the OP there was no shop in the airport. I’m assuming it was in a third world country, mum and baby could have been there hours and hours by this point.

CookieMonster28 · 07/11/2024 10:36

Personally makes my toes curl at the thought! Not for me. I wouldn't like my baby fed by someone else and I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding someone else's.

Conkersinautumn · 07/11/2024 10:34

I used to donate milk, I fed a good friends baby once as well (she was having an operation and was fine with it). It's a human action to care for vulnerable humans how we can. Some women can be in a position to provide for a very basic need. Really not weird.

Miyagi99 · 07/11/2024 10:31

SabrinaCarpentersCeilingFan · 07/11/2024 09:46

I can't wrap my head around the emergency situation though. Why would you ever put yourself into an emergency situation where there's no milk? Surely the only situation that would be if the mother was unconscious or something and there were no shops around?

What was the situation at the airport?

says In the OP, situation was in an airport where there was only a rug shop, I assume the mother had run out of milk so there was no other way of feeding it. Or she was taken ill.

moonshinepoursthroughmywindow · 07/11/2024 10:30

Never done this, but once when I friend and I were both breastfeeding at the same time we talked about what might happen if we did - would the babies like the "wrong" milk? (Hers was about 2 months older than mine so it might have been milk for the wrong "stage"...) I think we both kind of wanted to try it out of curiosity but didn't want the other one to think us weird!

Long story short, if I was lactating and a baby was in need, I'd definitely do it - I'd just hope the baby didn't find it distressing!

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 07/11/2024 10:30

I don’t find the idea unpleasant and would do it if needed. But it’s such a personal thing that I can understand many mothers not being comfortable with it.

Miyagi99 · 07/11/2024 10:28

KimberleyClark · 07/11/2024 09:19

I do think it’s rather beautiful how mammals will foster the young of other mammal species as well as their own species. There was a story in the James Herriot books about a kitten who was fostered by a sow. He grew up into a very sleek and handsome cat with an unusually glossy coat.

This reminds me of when we had a few kittens, they were very much too young to be away from their mother (this was in the 70s) and our dog started lactating and fed them, she hadn’t had puppies for years!

InformEducateEntertain · 07/11/2024 10:07

In the 1900's my great grandmother was a doctor with several children of her own who worked in a very poor northern industrial town. Apparently she frequently breastfed the failing to thrive babies of patients. She was a remarkable woman but the general practice of sharing babies feeding to keep them well and alive was common in a time when the alternatives were not hygienic or good.

Obviously we live in different times but I can't see why you wouldn't provide support if you could and it was needed and if the alternatives were not palatable or available.

mongoliandoll · 07/11/2024 09:57

IdleAnimations · 07/11/2024 09:47

EXACTLY 👏

We need OP to come back and expand upon "under very specific circumstances"

5128gap · 07/11/2024 09:56

The chances of you ever having to do this are so slim I don't think its something you need to dwell on if you find it disturbing. I doubt many mothers would allow a modern social taboo to prevent them saving a baby's life, and I'd imagine would feel gratitude (baby's mum) and pleased they could do this service (bf woman).