Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

Far too many people saying put the needs of your husband first! You getting sleep is just as important - far less likely to be in the mood for one thing if you’re knackered! Also we’re talking about a 3 year old child, I bet a few people here let their dogs sleep with them! Also some people put their experiences or experiences of family/friends forward as if that was factual evidence - studies show that bed sharing in the early years does not have a negative impact.

Surely the compromise here is for your child to learn to start the night in their own bed …

I agree with your husband, your child should be able to sleep in his/her own bed at this age.

not that unusual though. it's just not spoken about often enough. my husbands brother and his wife never dealt with it and are now paying the price.
I think here in this case the sex unltimation is the tip of the iceberg in this marriage. there is more to the storey
op either needs to decide to save marriage and either put rules in place and make husband do work or what ever is needed to help repair it or decide no I don't wnat that. it's fine I will keep doing what I am doing. only she can tell us

When there's a will, there's a way - your DH not wanting to do it anywhere else other than on the master bed at night seems to possibly suggest he doesn't want it badly enough? 😳

It’s crazy, because it’s not even his desire for sex, it’s that he wants to be able to have sex whenever he wants, in a specific bed and nowhere else.

And somehow the OP is in the wrong. 😳

how long before you’re on here asking if we think your DH is having an affair ? He’s perfect entitled to want to sleep comfortably in his own bed and not to have to schedule sex somewhere else. It’s time to get your DS into his own room, but stress to your husband that he has to do his fair share of resettling during the night.

It's something my friends and I would talk about. And all of their kids went off happily on school trips etc.

Complete and utter rubbish. I've never met an 11 year old who wanted to sleep with their parents!! Mine had all moved out before they started school.

It's not something that people want to talk about though is it. Eleven year olds sleeping in bed with their parents. Not only is it not something to be proud of, it's somewhat taboo.

One of my very best friends told me that her mine year old was co sleeping with her after her dh left her. (Not because of the co sleeping). I had had absolutely no idea. He had a bedroom and everything just seemed completely fine but it wasn't .

Another of my friends didn't send her dd on year six camp because she still got up every night and came into her parents room.

This is what I always wonder but nobody ever answers. Especially to try and shove the child alone in bed to have sex and then sleep next to someone else while said child has to sleep alone.

Agree 👍

I wouldn't be tolerating that at 11. I'd say it's very unusual. As I said above, I have never known a child like that. Even when mine did co-sleep, they went to sleep independently, basically because I wasn't going to bed at the same time as they did!

It took a lot of work with my youngest, and I had to do that thing whereby you move further and further from the door. I remember one night I counted, and I put him back down 69 times!!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want to carry on cosleeping, I think your husband is being unreasonable. You are right that you could have sex in alternative places and he’s not the one who is going to suffer if you stop cosleeping. Either he gives in to having sex elsewhere or you and your child cosleep in a bed in your spare room

My husbands nephew can't go to sleep on his own. he is now 11. when they come down for holidays one parent has to lie down with him for about 2 hours. they can't participate the adult conversation that happens after kids in bed. nor have they been able to go out for dinner as one of them has to put him to bed and no one else can do that for him. no sleep overs with granny or us either. I honestly think it really has put a strain on their marriage - really notice it now
another friend of mine has nit had a night out with us as her daughter can't sleep on her own. husband walked out on her a few years ago and they sleep in the one bed. girl now 7.
sister kids were in bed on their own from 6 months. both parents travel for work. kids had to get used to others putting them to bed or staying in other people's houses. now I have them ringing me can they come for a sleep over (love here we have horse cats and dogs and they help out )

This.
Sort it out now, it will only be harder later

They have another bed though - it doesn't have to be the sofa! Never did have sofa sex personally that often - couldn't do it with the cats watching! 😄It's an option, or the shower, or the kitchen? I'm surprised at how sexually unadventurous some posters appear to be!

@dhnosexI do think some kind of compromise is needed though, and it involves your DH learning to settle your son as well as you. It's a cop out that he doesn't. If he's so welded to having sex in the specific marital bed, and not in A N Other bed, then I think the suggestions others have made of starting your DS out sleeping in his own room, with you (or indeed DH, in his turn!) decamping to the bed with him there at some point during the night.

I'd still be deeply pissed off at his issuing an ultimatum instead of working constructively with you to find a solution that works for you both.

Agree with a PP that you should sleep with your child in the spare room, and your husband sleeps in the main bedroom. That way you both get the sleep you need, plus you can have sex in the main bedroom anytime.

Edit: can understand your husband not wanting to 'cosleep' for several years.

You are unreasonable, your DC should have his own bed

I'm a big advocate of co-sleeping (it may have come across!) and I think some people are just so brainwashed about it. Don't knock what you haven't tried! We're like you @Wimin123 - we've slept in separate beds for more than 26 years. I was pregnant with our second, and sleeping badly. Couldn't stand his snoring, and I was waking him up trying to stop him. It was causing more damage to our marriage than sleeping separately, because we were both sleep-deprived and cranky. We've been together for 40 years, married 34. It works well for us. I love my sleep too!

I referred to the achievements of my children (not that I need to justify it!) because there were all sorts of untrue accusations of negative effects of co-sleeping. Not in my experience!

I won't be responding to any further attacks. Some people could start a row in an empty room. Nor will I have some parent of a solitary young child tell me I know nothing about parenting either. Laughable!

Sorry I had to laugh.😆

He’s not threatening no sex he is just making you aware of his boundaries and where he feels comfortable having and not having it. If I am honest I agree with it not sounding great if it is a scheduled sofa sex appointment.

I think yabu but I also think the wording of your op..kick my dc out..indicates that you want confirmation of your pov.

So you just ignore the safety advice re having a newborn sleep in your room then?

Co-sleeping is fine if needed - sleep deprivation solutions far more important than vanilla sex in the marital bed - some people on here are so naive and were probably just lucky to have good sleepers. Probably the same people who can’t sleep unless their husband/partner is next to them. Been in separate rooms for 30 years and married 38 - I love my sleep.