Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

Is this fiction? I'm horrified if it's real!

You are SO unreasonable
Beyond so.
Ick

YANBU. You have to sleep, 3 years old is still little. He won't co sleep for ever.

I've not read through all the comments but I think it's quite sad how sad and ironic, people are so quick to judge a couple making out with a 3 year old sleeping baby that doesn't have a clue who's oblivious to the world in their own lil dream land! and you're all shouting out it's a no no.. howeverrrr it's perfectly ok for older 'children to watch their parents snog each others face off and are also exposed to TV shows or movies of people making out. I think that is highly more inappropriate!! I can go on a tangent here going into school curriculum etc but I l shall eave it here ... Mind you i personally moved my my children's cot bed out of my room by the age of 2 and the youngest went into his brother's room even earlier as he was more mature @1 and a half years old(youngest )and just wanted to do everything his brother was doing. So no they didn't sleep beside me but in my room in their own cot bed. You carry on like Someone else said better these moments are precious but definitely at the age of 3 need to get your child in another room wait for Xmas hols and work on that their old enough now. And your husband needs to help you do this!

Sleeping in their own room is part of their natural development into being an individual. Use rewards & lots of praise & put musical toys in with coloured lights that move on the ceiling. Their own bedroom is their space where they can be themselves with their toys and teddies. If little one can't sleep on tbeir own there'll be a problem if staying away from you for any reason - sleepovers etc.

I got ours happily sleeping in their rooms then grandma trashed everything by letting them sleep with her on occasional overnight stays - it never worked after that.

When little one goes to nursery or school it may become an issue.

I’m really sorry you’ve had such a pile on. People seem to have a lot of misconceptions about cosleeping and jump to judgements. You’re not been unreasonable at all. You’ve found a way to settle your child and save yourself precious hours, time usually lost to settling your child. It is your husband who is unreasonable when he’s not willing to make any changes to his life to support you. You don’t get to live life the exact way you want when you have children. Changes have to be made by both parents, but it sounds like you’re doing a lot and he is complaining about any changes. To be honest I would find it very unattractive if my husband could only have sex if in his own bed. If he cannot find the motivation to have sex anywhere outside of his own bed, how does he expect you to find the energy after endless sleepless nights. I’d make the most of the co-sleeping time. It’s not a needy habit you need to get your child out of, it’s a a natural way of parenting that in all likelihood they’ll naturally grown out of without any problem. I would do what’s right for you and your child as your husband sounds selfish, spoilt and unhelpful.

YABU

And the OP is expected to do this while her DH sleeps the night away blissfully in the marital bed??

Also wanted to add, I don’t see why people are telling op to use the spare room to co-sleep with her child. The husband is the one with the problem so if anyone should be sleeping in the spare room why not him 🤨

You have a problem!!! Your husband is right..very right!!!

I don't think sex in bed with a toddler is abuse. Indeed, up until the mid-twentieth-century this would have been usual for most couples, since bedrooms to oneself were rarely available. However, we don't have to do that anymore and I think OP is unreasonable.

You are being unreasonable. Sofa and spare room for sex are for 'specials' that you set up, not routine use, surely? I wouldn't want to have sex with my toddler in the bed either. You need to stop co-sleeping and take a week or two in order to settle your toddler in his own bed and accustom him to the idea of sleeping through the night. This takes effort, as it means you do get up in the night - do not share DC's room - and put him back to bed making it clear nothing is happening in the middle of the night, you just come in put him back to bed and tuck in him and go away. Keep doing this till he realises waking in the night brings no attention.

Is co-sleeping 1000% necessary? Or is it a way to avoid facing underlying issues? Sex can be a complex thing for some couples, and it's not always easy to address that. Or maybe I'm getting that impression because I've seen that happen before.
Compromising seems to be the answer here. Meet halfway, try to find a way to have yours and your husband's needs met while working out the whole co-sleeping situation.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. We live in a society where most people think there kids need to be in their own room. Sex doesn’t need to be in the bedroom and if you’re getting a good sleep when you otherwise wouldn’t then surely that’s a positive.

What does DH stand for? I follow and contribute regularly to discussions here and am baffled (and confused) by this mania for initials instead of words.

YABU

There is nothing wrong with cosleeping with 3 year old!! I think it's hilarious everyone saying it's unreasonable and that they need to learn blah blah - You love it and the child loves it and it's completely normal. Your husband is the one who needs to grow up and learn to let your child be in the bed with you or he can go sleep in the spare room. He is the adult after all so maybe he should know how to sleep by himself by now ? It's unreasonable for you to be marching back in between bedrooms to settle you little one, they obviously feel safe having you in the bed with them so why deny them that? It's only a short few years- embrace those snuggle whilst you can .

Quite surprised at the venom of people suggesting cosleeping is the root of evil. We didn't ever co sleep until about 22m, and we don't often (DC has own room and own bed) for lots of reasons, but if you have a child that's not sleeping it's considered developmentally appropriate to cosleep if that's your wish.

Not sure which ark the anti-co sleepers jumped off.

However, back to the OP, DH seems a little fixed and unimaginative, my DH would have sex wherever it's possible, and never stops making suggestions of possible locations (is this a reverse maybe?). Perhaps you should be cosleeping in the spare room and joining him in bed for sex when the mood takes?

YABU. 3 yr old needs to sleep in own bed, I agree with yr DH. I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex with young child in the bed 😐

Why not give your LO the spare double bed? You can help him get settled in there, sneak back to your bedroom for some adult time and then go back to LO for the rest of the night. We did something similar when my youngest was little, although he'd be in a cot in his room until the first wake and then I'd bring him into the double bed in the same room and spend the rest of the night with him there.

Um, no.

Where does the OP say that she wants to have sex in the bed with their toddler? She says she’s suggested other places but DH has said no, he’ll only do it in their bed.

Isn’t it interesting how this has become a co-sleeping vs not debate. The two are not mutually exclusive. Plenty of families co-sleep while having multiple children, therefore intimacy is possible.

The only reason it’s not possible in this house is because Dad is saying sex is only available on his terms, regardless of the feelings of Mum and child, or quite frankly their well-being (many
of us know what exhaustion does to you).

Yes Mum and child could move to another room. But still not remotely attractive to be held to ransom like this and it would be that that was killing my marriage, not the co-sleeping!

Thought I was going to be in the minority but I’m not!

My children have never spent a night in my bed. Ever. I like sex, I like the boundary.

When they have been unwell I have slept on their floor or bunk bed depending on where we lived (we moved into a bigger house when they were young).

If my husband kept fobbing me off and had our kids in the bed I wouldn’t have been impressed. I don’t want that. My kids are certainly beyond that now.

Totally agree with your husband. For the sake of your marriage get your kid in its own bed, where they belong.

YABU. A happy marriage is in the long term interests of your children. They need to learn to sleep in their own rooms. Co-sleeping is often used as a sex avoidance strategy.

I didn’t say anything about it being right nor did I say a word about rape?

that’s your words. Not mine.