Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

YABU
Sex next to your sleeping child is grim.

Good grief, YABU.

I read it that she wouldn't mind but he's rejected the idea of having sex next to the child so she's suggested alternatives

YABU - except that your DH ought to help at least equally with the resettling process if he wants DC to sleep in a different room now. He can’t expect co sleeping to stop but not help with the inevitable wake ups (hopefully these would gradually reduce but they are inevitable to start with).

I read it as op thinks they can have sex on the sofa or the spare room bed not that she wants to have sex next to the sleeping child?!

i will add that my nearly 3 year old has slept in his own bed from 6 months in his own room- he’s ended up in our bed maybe 10 times - ever. During illness for example or after days of crappy sleep for whatever reason. But it’s an exception. He comes in in the morning and has story in our bed each night before teeth. I really think you need to bite the bullet and teach your child to sleep in their own bed/room - get a lovely projector, some audiobooks and some lovely bedding. Make it as appealing as your bed. Just keep taking them back in each time they come in; I expect after a few days you’ll have cracked it.
You must all be absolutely knackered!

Attitudes in this country about cosleeping are so backwards. It’s wonderful to cosleep, and I agree with you that sex needs to just be planned differently. Clear the spare room.

At 3 can your dc start off sleeping in his own bed with your company if necessary. Then you retreat to your bed with your dh, with time to be intimate..

If your dc comes in a couple of hours later, surely that allows everyone to be happy.

There is room for compromise here.

I know plenty of people in real life are absolutely batshit and so some of these threads must be real, but I can’t be the only one noticing just how many threads there are in recent months that are clearly, specifically designed to provoke reactions from the women on mumsnet?

YANBU. If you want to co sleep, I don't think that's wrong. Children are only little for a while, and I loved co sleeping when ours were younger (and never had a problem getting them into their own beds when older).

However, I can understand your dh wanting the bed back. It's a hard one to disagree on. Could you make the spare room a nice space, dh sleep in there and you visit?

I coslept with kids. We had two in the bed for a while to get our second to adjust to the new baby. When our youngest was 1.5 and still breast fed I sent himself and his Dad off to his bedroom to duke it out so I could night wean.

DS still rocked into me for a feed at about 6 and had a feed to go to sleep originally until he was 2.5. It was a hellish few nights for DH and DS but they bonded killed each other and I slept peacefully. Could your DH do something like that? As you can imagine going from the boob to hugs from Daddy and crappy cups of milk instead wasn’t too pleasing for DS for the couple of nights but it broke the bad habits.

You are unreasonable. It doesn't sound like your husband is 'threatening ' you with no sex, he just doesn't want a clinically planned session on the spare bed, he wants intimacy and closeness first. Given some of the complaints on here it is a little ironic that you are the one wanting to just nip to the other room to scratch the itch, like you are ticking it off a to do list.
And you wouldn't seriously consider having sex IN the bed with a 3yo??????

Think this through, your ds is not a tiny baby, and at this point isn't really a toddler anymore either surely? What is your plan for getting him back in his own bed? How long are you happy to co sleep? It feels like the longer you co sleep the harder it will be to break the habit.

And no matter how happy you are to co sleep- your dh has said he isn't. Is co sleeping more important to you than your marriage ?

Ignore people on mumsnet. You can look at the majority of the world and they sleep with their children. It is completely normal and if it works for you then it is fine.

You could get a cosleeper or a bedside toddler bed perhaps?

Your dc will be starting school in a year or so.. you need to get them sleeping in their own bed.

Sex aside...your bed is yours and your DHs. It's really not fair if one of you isn't happy to share it that the other insists they put up with it.

I think it's fairly obvious OP is talking about them having sex in the second bedroom (hence the scheduled walk) or the sofa (large and comfortable). The problem is that the husband is insisting on having sex only in their own bed so he can roll over and go to sleep after, and therefore they can't have sex because the child is in the bed. Thus sex is off the menu
OP I think you are in the right but the trouble is he doesn't want to understand how exhausting it is getting to resettle DC all the time. Actually this is pretty unkind behaviour of him - he's quite happy for you to be tired day after day.. are you sure you want to have sex with him?! Presuming you do want to change things-
My DS is 2.5 and the exit route from cosleeping for us very recently was to redecorate his bedroom and move the furniture around so it felt all different. When he came home from his sleepover at grandparents, we told him this was his big boy room and really upsold the idea. It worked and he mostly sleeps through now.

Don't dare tell me you have sex with a child in the room?

I certainly wouldn't want to be hoping up from other beds or sofas after sex.

And no I wouldn't be sleeping with my three year old. They are like seventy thousand limbed creatures that really lead to horrific sleep. Fine if they are sick but not on your nelly otherwise.

Is there a way to communicate to OPs DH to LTB?

You think it’s ok to have sex next to your three year old? YABU doesn’t even come close to how wrong this is.

Omg op. What is wrong with you. Put your child in their own bed and have a normal relationship with your husband.

I'm with your husband. A 3 year old isn't a baby and needs to be in their own bed.

Seems quite ridiculous to be co-sleeping with a 3 year old and you are making a rod for your own back. Where does it end? 5, 6, 7 years? The longer you do it for the harder it is to undo, its kicking the problem down the curb and solves nothing.
Heck, I'd wonder at anyone who could think sex was a possibility with a 3 year old in bed. You are going to have marriage issues if this carries on. You've taken the path of least resistance now for more hassle in the future. A bad idea to have started this 6 months ago, it wasn't the answer.

My stepson will currently only sleep in his bed, with an adult. He won’t sleep in ours, or with both of us. So we do the middle of the night crossing of the landing.

It is absolutely destroying our intimacy, and causing absolutely no end of tension. Everyone, apart from him, is sick of it.

Your husband is being completely reasonable, teach your son that his bed is for sleeping in.

The OP specifically said that her husband has objected to sex with the child in the bed, meaning that she has tried that or suggested it and he has had to say no. She has then come up with alternatives which are just stupid. But if he had to actually voice his refusal to sex next to the child then it means she actually tried to do that.

Your child needs to be in their own bed and at 3 years old I think your DH is very much entitled to his bed back!! Honestly it sounds like you won’t cut the cord..

🤭 I'm still sharing a bed my 5.5 year old, but im single and very sexless so its alright 😅