Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

I agree with your husband.

✨Tidy the spare room✨

Oh I fully agree with you- it should not be forced on a partner and only one person want agree with the co-sleeping! She can’t monopolise the bed if it’s not agreed by both adults.

But equally, when you have a child together, there is a reasonable expectation that both parents try to parent day and night not leaving one exhausted and one who is fine and putting even more demands on the partner disregarding their need for sleep or their own sexual desires, and also a reasonable expectation that everybody’s needs are met and not only that of the father, which in this case, is what he expects.

Compromise needed by all.

Jesus, that’s a reach. Not wanting to have sex awkwardly perched on a sofa or amongst the junk in the spare room is not sexual dysfunction 🙄

Thinking about it, I’d actually consider it a form of sexual dysfunction to only be able to have sex in one place.

I don’t really know where everyone is coming from here. I’m with you OP and in fact I’ve been there and the spare room has been the sexy room! If he wants sex that’s where it’s on offer. From a Co sleeping mum of a 4 year old 😎

When you have a child, your priorities shift, or at least they should.

I'm actually quite taken aback at the number of posters who think this man's blackmailing tactics are reasonable! I think it's gross that he will wimp out of settling his own child because he "can't" and expects his wife to schlep out of bed several times a night to do it, leaving her sleep deprived - all because he can only shag in his own bed?

"Ick"?????! You have a strange way of looking at co-sleeping!

I would move dc to their own room, they need to move out at some point. They'll get used to sleeping on their own.

*them being more flexible

If my child’s other parent thought that my being disturbed all night was more favourable than me having to be slightly flexible around sex, I’d go elsewhere. Most likely a hotel.

Carry on like this and your DH will go elsewhere. Then you’ll be crying how did this happen?
You need balance and this isn’t balanced.

You are being unreasonable.
You need to start somewhere. It may be difficult at first but eventually your toddler will get used to it.

Why don’t u make a big fuss and say it’s time to sleep in your own bed. They may wake regularly at first. You just need to be firm

I'm not even slightly anti-cosleeping. We coslept up to about 2.5 and DD4 still sneaks in with us every now and then. This is something that we both agreed on. It's still our bed and DD is a visitor in it when she comes in.

I am anti forcing cosleeping on your partner. When you get married you have a reasonable expectation that you will be able to sleep and have sex with your spouse in your own bed.

She unilaterally decided that the bed belongs to her and DS, regardless of DH's opinion and the fact he now cannot sleep well in his own bed or have sex in his own bed.

I'm seeing many people saying not to have sex in bed with her child, lol.. I think that goes without saying and it wasn't what she said at all.. lol

I agree you need to get the child in his own bed as hard as it may be.. for YOU.. and your child. If no one else. Maybe your husband could actually lend a hand if he feels so strongly as to threaten to take away sex .. that alone in my opinion is abusive. Jmo.
However, it's an issue for all of you and should not fall solely on you, with all the consequences. As he is some ruler??
Do your best.. but if he takes sex away your marriage will not last long . Resentment and anger will take over the marriage. That's experience not opinion.
Good luck

are you a man ?

Enjoy the precious time snuggling up with your little one, it goes so quickly and before you know it they’ll have grown out of it and you’ll never get the chance to do it again.
I have 3. 2 of them liked to cosleep and they are some of my most cherished memories as a parent. There were no issues with ‘they’ll never sleep alone’, ‘they’ll be clingy’etc.
Your husband sounds very selfish and unimaginative. He can adapt for a relatively brief period of time. Apart from the utter loveliness of the quality time with your child the issue of everyone getting enough sleep is so important . His wish to dictate when and where sex happens shouldn’t be the priority .

You sound unhinged like a bunny boiler. Usually it’s the other way round a man being unreasonable. Sort your child’s sleeping arrangement out first then think about sxx

I agree with you saying a 3 year old shouldn't be in the bed.Totally disagree with the over 6 months bit. Mothers now are encouraged to have babies in same room for up to a year. After which, I think it's reasonable to say they shouldn't be in same room if parents are having sex. But tbh, I've had holidays when DD was 20 months old and cot was in same bedroom in apartment for 2 weeks. I don't consider that as a social services situation 🤔 if we were sexually active if she was fast asleep.

This is blowing my mind that people are so horrified by this. It’s a 3 year old, their still tiny and feel much safer and secure with their mum. Why is that a problem? People’s reactions suggest this is going to cause massive problems. If the parent is happy then it won’t cause any. All this talk of making them independent, they become independent when they have a secure attachment. They get that by knowing the parent is there for them, which cosleeping helps instill. Letting them sleep in your bed won’t mean they’ll never be able to sleep on their own. As they get older they’ll naturally become independent and will no longer want to sleep in your bed. This doesn’t need to be trained it’s just part of growing up. Little kids who once loved cosleeping turn into older kids who probably find the idea really unappealing. The idea that letting a 3 year old sleep in your bed now will mean in five years you’ll have a 8 year old who won’t be able to go to a sleepover is wild. My little one was still cosleeping at 3 years, now he’s 5 he prefer’s his own bedroom, we didn’t have to train him with rewards or lure him in with fancy lights. He just naturally transitioned to preferring his own bedroom. The safety net of knowing he could return to our bed if he wanted to probably helped give him the confidence and security to try sleeping in his own bed.

Let the parents decide what’s best for them and their child rather then jumping in with all these judgements and instructions. You carry on OP if you’re happy. I appreciate your husband isn’t keen but seen as he can’t (or won’t) help with nighttime issues the least he could do is work around and support you in any method you found that does allow for a good sleep. Seems incredibly selfish to expect you to be up several times a night, every night settling your child just because he would have to get up and move to a nearby room to have sex!

I notice you referred to me later in the thread as someone with “one solitary child.”

I hate to play the card here, but I will. That one child is worth about 18 of the neurotypical children in my life. I taught for 10 years, I have met other children - this one is not the same level.

He is a very complex little boy, with a lot of challenges, that require a lot of energy. I could list the diagnoses, but I won’t bother. It is worth knowing that one of them is significant attachment concerns.

It’s great that your children are so successful, and work/live abroad or whatever. He is likely to require support for the rest of his life, and not live independently, certainly not in another country.

Every second, or every day, involves a LOT of hard work and energy - alongside both working full time. When he temporarily goes to sleep at 9pm, that is the only time we have for ourselves, and I wouldn’t sacrifice that and send my partner to the spare room for anyone.

We are working very hard to teach him to be sleep independent, and to allow his adults to go to the toilet without kicking doors down etc. He needs that independence for the rest of his life, and for everyone’s wellbeing.

I will not be apologising or pandering to a patronising angry lady on the internet for thinking that on occasion, people should put their relationship before their kids. We all matter in our house, and the idea that we would allow cosleeping, or separate sleeping, to become the norm is absolutely ludicrous to me.

Next time, speak to me directly if you want to slag me off, and try to bear in mind that not everyone lives in your rosy bubble, and those people would quite like some time to themselves.

Came to say the same thing

I think the OP said they don’t while the toddler is in the bed. If they do - even in the same room - this is a major child safeguarding issue, agreed.