Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

Wild animals sometimes eat their young too. Unless DH likes the odd midnight snack on said 3 year old, I think he wins this one.

I remember when I was young, having a friend who was 5 and slept between her parents. I thought it was weird then and I think it’s weird now.

It doesn't matter. I only moved my DS to his own room because he was due to start school and I didn't want him saying that he slept with his mum. And he moved into his room and never looked back! I still haven't reinstated DH because we'd both kill each other for snoring! Doesn't mean we can't still have sex!

YABU

I have totally sympathy for DH. It’s not a normal set up to have a 3 year old sleeping in bed with you as a couple and I think it shouldn’t have got this far.

It is not the norm here in the western world where the op is.

You probably had this experience because you breastfed til your child was 2yo. I think many mums don't experience the natural night time bond in toddlerhood that breastfeeding reinforces. People find it weird that a 2yo sleeps with their mother but they definitely wouldn't if they experienced breastfeeding til 2 and beyond.

Wild animals also eat their young so...

You are being very unreasonable. He's right for not wanting to have sex in random places. And I don't blame him for not liking co sleeping.

You're being unreasonable.

At 3 I think a child should be in his/her own bed and room. Perhaps not suddenly though.

Our youngest used to like starting off in our bed but would understood that we’d transfer her to her own bed and room when we came to bed.

We have a 3 yo in our house. Not ours - Ukrainian guests son. If he saw parents having sex in bed with him we’d all be hearing about it in detail, teddies would be shagging, questions asked, statements made. All at the most embarassing, inappropriate moments.

When your decide that he should be in his own bed you may have a rough few days - but stick with it. You are in charge - or should be.

Batshit alert

Jesus H Christ, wtf is wrong with some of you?!!! Eldest co-slept until just over a year and a half. DH and I managed to have sex by throwing a rug/duvet over the side of the cot so we could hear any awakening! When I was pregnant with DC2, his snoring drove me over the edge and I also suffered from tendinitis from 17 weeks so he was despatched to the spare room whence he remains 26 years later lol!

DC1 was only moved out to accommodate DC2 who slept by my side until 4 years old. As I said when I told a horrified relative, DH and I did manage to escape sometimes... sex in the living room, sex in the kitchen, sex in the shower, sex in the spare room... We even managed to conceive 3 more times after DC2, shock horror. Sadly we lost the first two of those pregnancies but went on to have DC3, who co-slept with me until coming 5, having breastfed until 22 months.

And all three of them moved out to their own rooms when we were ready, and never looked back!

You are absolutely right to take the path of least resistence in terms of how you get the most sleep! That was my ethos too. And DH never had to get up to feed babies in the night because I breastfed so I was bloody well owed that sleep!!

Stick to your guns and tell your DH to get more creative. Our next door neighbours used to have a camper van in their drive and we used to hear it it rocking and moaning rofl!!

Wild animals sleep with their young, wild animals... care more than your DH.

Sex in any other room except one bedroom, that's the offer you've put forward.

The priority is the child's needs over his wants.

Co sleeping is fine. Having sex in the same bed as your cosleeping toddler is not. If you want sex, you're both going to need to have a grown up conversation to work out when that can happen. Without your child in the bed.

Why does OP's wishes automatically trump DH's wishes? It's his bed too.

Everyone in the bed needs to be happy with co-sleeping.

As an aside, I'm taking umbridge that the child is considered just your problem op, not both of yours. He needs to be more practical and figure out how to settle his kid so he can help you and he part of a solution that works for you both. Perhaps explain that if you're back and forth to the child all night then you won't be wanting sex either.

Team DH YABVVU. Your DC needs to learn to sleep in their own bed.

Why is everyone so focused on what the child needs? The OP has said SHE wants to co-sleep with her child which is absolutely her choice and a completely normal and lovely thing for a mother to want to do. Her DH is prioritising himself over the wishes of his wife and child.

Your 'D'H is very very unreasonable.

He would rather a child, dependent on their mum for regulation and wake cycles be all alone in a cold bed/bedroom.
So that he, an adult can co-sleep with you?

If he is willing to blackmail you into removing your child from their safe, warm family bed (it's theirs too!! It's all they've known) which will cause emotional distress, for something that you both should want equally... it's just not likely to finish there.
What else can he coerce you into taking away from a child? His child?
No one sleeps through the night. Most adults need a wee or a drink every 6 hours.

The only one benefiting from your DH suggestion is him.
Your child will keep returning to the family bed throughout the night until they're at least 8 years old!

"No, you're an adult. You can sleep on your own and independently. Why don't you show our child how easy it is... for the next few years" .

If that's how a marriage works then what on Earth... They are still having time together as a couple, just in another room/space.

A lot of people not reading the OP here - she's not having sex next to her child.

Also a lot of people objecting to "scheduled sex" - surely with young children there's always an element of having to make time for sex, rather than just always being spur of the moment passion. Sex on a sofa is great, you can get comfy in different positions.

Also so much predictable hand-wringing about rods for backs and scare-mongering about kids never growing out of things.

YANBU OP, he's refusing to consider your perspective cos he's too lazy to have sex in a different way.

I would however say that we do similar to a PP where our youngest settles in his own bed but comes to ours when he wakes up middle of the night. Elder siblings did the same until they grew out of it. Leaves time for sex in the bed if we wanted it, but also means more sleep for all of us. Maybe think about how you could transition to that schedule?

I think you’re potentially risking your relationship for this OP, 3 is old enough to be sleeping in their own bed.

By “spontaneous” sex do you mean in bed in the evening? I couldn’t think of anything less spontaneous!

YABU

DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable.

I think it's this bit.

It reads like she suggested sex and he said "no, not with the child in the bed".

Understandable suggests an understanding of where someone is coming from rather than absolute agreement with their point.