Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

What about other people's wants? Why is this particular issue one where his wants trump everyone else's?

For ops dh there's no solution where he has to do anything, which is convenient. She has to meet the child's needs differently and deal with the fallout on her own, so that she can then meet his needs. That's not intimacy, or closeness, or teamwork.

I made my point then you advised oh they do it in xyz when we are not in xyz.

She wants to sleep with her toddler.
She wants to be able to get rest at night and not have to be woken from a toddler.
She wants to have sex in the spare room or on the sofa instead of in the bedroom.

All valid reasons. Reasons why plenty of people co-sleep.

Maybe we should get the toddlers opinions added too.

The responses to this are meaningless as so many people mistakenly think you are having sex in the bed with the child. So when they say YABU a lot of them could be talking about that.

Probably! I also breastfed my elder two until they were each a year old and I regret not doing it longer because both of them would have! I stopped breastfeeding DD1 at a year because I hoped to get pregnant again - I'd never heard of tandem feeding! (DD is 27!) and I thought I'd be less likely to conceive if I continued. I stopped breastfeeding DD2 at a year because I had an asthma flare-up and my GP prescribed steroids and said, "don't you think you've breastfed long enough?"!!! Well my asthma flared again when DS was a similar age, and by then I knew more, and I said, "no!" so we kept on going until he wanted to stop at 22 months.

Snuggling up all night with my babies is one of the best memories I have.

Why hasn't the 'spare' room been turned into the child's room?

Then they may want to sleep in it

YABU to still co sleep at 3.
YABU not to consider your husband's feelings and prioritise sleep training.

PP's are BU for not reading the bloody OP. It clearly says OP suggests OTHER locations for sex, not in the bed.

It sounds like the wanting to have sex in his own bed, is really just him saying that he wants to stop co-sleeping, because otherwise he'd probably do it other places as you suggested. The withholding of sex sounds a bit sulky imo.

I don't think there's anything wrong per se with co-sleeping with a 3yo at all, but I can see why your husband wants him out, as most children are in their own beds by 3, so it's the cultural norm (in the UK at least).

My partner has slept in the other room for years, as two small children close in age, so uncomfortable pregnancy turned into co-sleeping, followed by another pregnancy where I was ENORMOUS and wanted to be left alone, then a 2nd batch of co-sleeping with the youngest. We also never, ever have sex, and also get on less and less and are more and more irritable with each other! There's may well be a correlation, just something to consider 😕

DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.

Sounds like you suggested it.

YABU and being selfish to the detriment of your child and your husband.

You say in your first post that you have only been co-sleeping for the past six months @dhnosex - what was happening before that? Was your DS in his own room, and why did things change? Was it something temporary that DH expected to stop soon and now feels you’ve changed the goalposts?

he still gets sex - where's the problem?

She said they don’t have sex.

He wants to sleep in his own bed.
He wants to be intimate with his wife in his own bed.
He wants to be able to sleep and not be disturbed by a wriggling child.
He doesn't want to have sex on the sofa or in the cluttered spare room, he wants to have sex in his own, comfortable bed.

All valid reasons. Reasons why plenty of people don't and wouldn't co-sleep.

Yes that’s exactly what I mean. Going the bed, chatting, laughing, cuddling and kissing, the build up. Not “would you like to have sex tonight?” “Yes, you get the kid settled, meet you on the couch at 9pm”. Seems really transactional.
the build up and the cuddling afterwards are all part of the fun.

He may just want to sleep next to his wife, by himself, that could be “all” it is.

Only saying that it's perfectly possible to accommodate the co-sleeping and the sex!

I don't get why the OP's DH has an issue with it?? His DC is content, his DW gets to sleep and he still gets sex - where's the problem?

Agreed. This is not ok.

I never said it was... What's your point?

No wonder some men feel pushed out once children arrive.

Why can't she co sleep in the spare room?

Nope, you don't need to bite the bullet and imo, it was best to leave settling in their own room until they were ready, because there never was any back and forth, certainly with all of my three, they just moved and that was it! They did still for years come into bed for a snuggle on a Saturday and Sunday morning. I don't know when or how that stopped. I miss it, and they're all grown up!

YABVU.
Shame you didn't do a poll, save you counting through the thread.

I feel for dh here.

YABU.

I think it’s this part of the OP posters are zooming in on: “”DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed””

That statement makes it sound like OP has suggested it while the child is in the bed which would be completely inappropriate.

I imagine that you both were and still are happy with the setup though. That's the issue, it only works if both parents are happy with it.

Not the case with OP and her DH.

Separate beds is where it's at! This is exactly what we did and do.

Urgh… what’s wrong with people? It’s ok to sleep with your children (as long as no one is doing anything they should just be doing in private). When it stops working you can teach your children to sleep in their own beds, which requires 100% determination from you OP and may take months. My DS sleeps separately from 3.5 years old. He was happy and secure to leave our bed to go sleep on his own when it was time. We all loved morning snuggles. Sex can happen anywhere else in the house (even on the kitchen counter! Shock/horror!) depending on where the desire strikes. I personally go to bed to sleep so if my head hit the pillow - that’s it! lol