Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

It’s really not clear at all. the below first suggestion reads like he’s told her no, she’s said it is understandable and come up with a suggestion, so yes it reads like she’d fuck right next to her kid,

DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.

Meh, I don't think you're being unreasonable when you're the one who has to do the nights with your child. You then do whatever gets you the most sleep. Can you sleep in another room with DC?
I cosleep with my boys on a floor bed in their room. DH is in our room. (Though he wouldn't mind us all being together..this is my preference for now)
This way you could still have sex in your bed. However, I don't see what the big deal is doing it elsewhere... The sofa works just fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

This was written in a way you’d have sex next to your sleeping 3 year old and it was just your husband doesn’t want to. And if that was the case, there would be something very wrong with you indeed.

you’re the unreasonable one. Your child should be now in their own room and getting used to their space. It isn’t about you, it’s about them.

I know lots of people that do this but
I just wouldn't for this exact reason. It's detrimental to intimacy and lots of partners end up feeling second best! No. YABU.

Starting children off in their own bed and letting them come into ours when they woke in the night worked for us. That way we had initial privacy, the children had their own space and we all were able to go back to sleep quickly when they woke in the middle of the night.

I don’t think so - if half of MN is on his side all of Reddit will be!

YABU OP

Exactly this!

Check out Happy Cosleeper on instagram/facebook for like-minded support. She is very open about how her and her husband have time together and have sex - spare room / sofa /anywhere in the house the children aren't. Why does sex just have to be in a bed?

All around the world babies and children bed share, it isn't weird or going to cause long term problems for your child. I would consider setting up their own room though so they have the option of sleeping in their own bed and it may be somewhere you can start settling them until they need you kater in the night, which would also give you more quality time with your husband.

Oh blah blah ignore these twats on here. If you want to co sleep then co sleep. It's not very long before that cuddly smushy tiny thing is a big kid who is independent. You both need this time together so do what makes you both feel good. The only way for anyone to self regulate is by co regulation. Google co regulation. His is your husband's problem, he is being an arsehole about it and he should learn to enjoy his child and stop fixating on this stuff. That's good advice for all the responders on here who have spent the precious first years of their child's life fixated on them sleeping away from them. They want everyone else to do the same to normalise what they have done.

I think you should make the spare room nice and invite your husband to sleep there if he wants. He needs to grow up and be a better father here. My partner loves sleeping next to our little one and helps to settle him in the night as much as me. We go to a different room to do it. It's not a problem.

Why don't you put DC to bed in their room ( good to work on that habit) and the first time they wake you can bring them in with you? Over time they will wake less and eventually sleep through in their room. You would be working towards them sleeping in their own bed but also have the benefits of co sleeping and get to have some sex.

We have one "rule" in our house....no kids, pets or tv in the bedroom. Makes for a close loving relationship ❤️

It’s pretty clear that the OP is NOT saying she wants or has had sex with the toddler in the bed. It’s pretty clear to anyone who read the post as the DH is saying he only wants spontaneous sex in bed not on a sofa etc. It’s also clear that most posters know this.

I’d just carry on doing what you’re doing. I’d tell DH that whilst i’ll miss having sex, I value my sleep more. Maybe if DH is more involved in care of DC he may let him settle him back to sleep. I don’t think your DH is not necessarily wrong in wanting his bed back though. Maybe when you have some AL from work you could try getting him into his own bed but if he co-sleeps fully and not just climbing into your bed in the middle of the night, then it’s going to be tough going but worthwhile.

Oh god, I feel so sorry for you OP.

Perhaps you give him some options for negotiations -

• he does all the nights supporting little one, then you might have sex with him again
• he stop being so vanilla and wanting sex in a bed and then a cuddle, then you might have sex with him again
• he stop acting like a baby when you've got it harder and to go bend you over in the kitchen or the bath tub when baby is watching peppa pig ffs

The OP has said that there are other places that they can have sex.

I think he’s being unreasonable. Have him go on Reddit and complain that his wife wants to have sex on the sofa or in the spare room and see how many are sympathetic. Most men would think Christmas came early.

You will regret this if you continue to cosleep!

Ooh Op, can you see that this is unfair?
I totally understand you wanting to cosleep. I'm not saying stop, just start the cosleeping after quality time with dh.

OP, why don't you start the child off in ita own bed?
This works well for us.
We pop the children in bed and lie with them till they're asleep if needed.
Then my husband and I have a our evening and sex can happen more organically, ie in our own bed and you can just space out afterwards.
Then once any of the children wake we normally go to them, but sometimes I bring them into our bed if they're very fussy. (Normally our 2 year old)
But if you don't want to only bring them in when they're fussy, just bring them in the first time they wake.
I thi k cosleeping is a good idea, but should be balanced with the marriage as well.
You need a strong marriage first and foremost for your child.
I thi k 3 is more than old enough to at least start off in their own bed.

Setting boundaries is not being manipulative.

Its OPs choice to co-sleep not his

I loved sleeping in my parent’s bed. My dad didn’t mind but my mum got irrationally angry and got me by the arm and marched me back to my bed. I was about 3.
My sister divorced her husband and co-slept with her daughter for years - not because her daughter needed to but because she did. When her daughter was 8 she got remarried and her daughter had issues with nightmares and sleepwalking. Her new husband was completely unsympathetic - therefore my sister was too.
Poor little kid.

I agree with your dh .
Your child need to be in a toddler bed . Go and settle if he wakes. That's what most of us do

YANBU

3 year old is still so young and it’s completely biologically normal and healthy for both you and child to sleep together. Why should a 3 year old have to sleep on their own? If sleeping alone is so wonderful why do most married couples share a bed?

Your kids will only be young for a short period. Your DH needs to get over himsekd, he’s got young kids, his dick is no longer the priority. You can have sex after snuggling on the sofa.

i bet if the tables were turned and he had to do all the night resettling the story would be different.

He's refusing to have sex other places though. It's him that's unilaterally stating that it's on hold until the child is back in his own bed.....so why are you trying to put the blame on the OP for the relationship currently being sexless??

I’ve never understood the appeal in the first place. My kids have never spent a single night sleeping in my bed; I felt like I was giving up so much for them when they were little, and they sure as hell weren’t getting my bed, too.

As someone who's been up for almost 2 hours with my 4yo if your child is like mine op then I'm with you!

So you think it’s ok for him to manipulate her into doing something she doesn’t want to do?!

Co sleep away! You’ll miss it so much when it stops.

And he doesn’t sound like a keeper anyway! Manipulative arse.