Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

At 3 years old child should be in their own bed. Get them into a routine, bath, book (with a teddy for comfort) and bed. Sit and read until they go to sleep to begin with if they are unsettled. Get some nice night lights and make a big deal about it being their room. If you persevere it shouldn't take long.

Ok just " the bed" then 😂

Because he (understandably) doesn’t want to decant to another room to have sex while his 3 year old sleeps in their bed.

What a huge turnoff

"The marital bed" haha what it's just a peice of furniture not some sacred space

This is what I did OP.

Supposed to be? Just because you prefer one way of doing things doesn't make thatnway the only right way.

She started it so she could get some sleep, and has found that she enjoys it. It's totally fine.

This is the reason why my neice still can't sleep alone at 8 years old. Because her Mother thinks it's nice to snuggle up to her when she's sleepy. My poor neice has never been trained to sleep alone and now can't cope with sleep overs at her friend's and her parents have to collect her at 1am when she's inconsolable.

This is more or less what we did, except from about 13/14 months, as soon as they could walk reliably. We used a hideaway bed for them and just used the pull out bed with a bed guard. It gave us reliably 3 hrs on our own before someone would come in (3 dc) unless illness etc. worked well for us. Also, bought a 6 ft bed so when they did come in there was plenty of space.

Isn’t the whole point of the thread that they are not having sex?

having no flexibility is his choice, men can say no too.

Having had a child that used to end up in our bed of their own accord, I can see why co sleeping works. It was frowned upon when mine were young. But it probably does relationships no good. There comes a time when you need to draw a line. My child was much older than yours when they learnt to sleep properly due to sen. I think if you can I would start this process and make it exciting for your child and hope they stay in their own room. Your dh has a good point.

Dh has a right to refuse sex if he wants but in this case he wants it but only on his terms and with no flexibility about when and where. Anyone with dc knows you have to be a bit flexible about choosing your moments and taking your chances . Even with teens you might have to wait until they are out of the house if you don’t want them to hear you.

Co sleeping is a perfectly valid parenting choice and it doesn’t mean dc will never sleep in their own bed. You need to try to have a reasonable conversation with dh about it and reach an agreement, perhaps with some compromise on both sides.

We co slept
But not a age 3 ,and as for having sex while a child is in the bed ..dear god ...
Totally team husband

The child needs it's own bed.

@dhnosex I dont understand why you even started this co sleeping lark at 2.5 years old!!!! cradle, cot, bed is how it is supposed to be. why did you not put dc straight into bed after cot? i am with team husband!

Hey Op have you considered speaking to your Gp about your 3yr olds sleep. Every two hours is a lot. I can understand a couple of times a night, but it sounds like you’re back to the newborn years

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable here. You want a good night sleep and so does he, with a side of what he considers ‘unscheduled sex’ in the bed.
You both aren’t compatible right now in this area and both need to come to a compromise.

I’m not against bed sharing, when DH is away or working nights I sleep with our 1yr old. She was even in our bed last night since she decided to be sick as we were trying to put her to bed. She sleeps the night if she’s in our bed, but wakes once if she alone. But that took work.

I agree you could at least try starting to settle him in his own bed first and allow him in after a wake up. You aren’t going to lose the snuggles if he sleeps half the night in his bed, it sounds like you have good attachment with him.

Yabu. Why isn't a three year old in his own bedroom yet?

Your husband is being more reasonable than you in expecting to be able to have sex in the marital bed. It's time to prioritise your husbands wishes or you could end up separating which won't be good for your 3 year old or you.

Sorry OP, typical AIBU people will just jump in on one thing and hammer the OP

Sex with DD in the room is a no no, even more no no with them in the bed that's not okay. However I don't see anywhere you have said that even happens.

However, please don't let others shame you into feeling you shouldn't have DD co sleep with you at this age. It's completely natural to feel that way and be close to your children.

The issue here is your partner not wanting it to happen so that's a discussion between yourselves and what you want to sacrifice.

YABVVU. You aren't helping your child to stay asleep and I don't think you are helping your marriage either. Just sleep train your child.

No it isn't at all, you're the perverse one for thinking that way. It's very common in lots of other cultures, there's nothing wrong with it.

Having sex with a child in the bed is very wrong but it's not wrong to co sleep.

YABVU

Yanbu

I co slept with mine because I was single, working full time in a very demanding job and neither of us would have had a good night's sleep without it. I'm a big fan of it - there was no drama or trauma, he'd drift off like a dream, never woke etc. all super easy when so many other things weren't. So I really don't agree with people saying it's not good for them - I think it raises very secure children. But then I didn't have a partner and if the marriage suffered as a result, maybe it would have been the lesser of two evils. But from this distance, I think your DH should adapt and most men would be happy to grab sex whoever/wherever.

You're husband isn't wrong to want the bed to yourselves. However if you're the one doing all the settling in the night it's your choice what happens. I had this. Yes ideally the child would sleep through in their own room but I worked full time was exhausted and couldn't face trying to settle a child in the night on top of everything else. Therefore I let them get in each night. They got bored at about 5 years old and to be honest I loved the night time cuddles. Do what suits you. If he insists then make it clear he has to do the night time settling and buy some ear plugs. See how quickly he gives up on the idea!