Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

You don't want the OP to co-sleep with her child because it doesn't support the values and lives of the people?

😂. Right ok.

Tell me you’re heading towards inevitable divorce without telling me you’re heading towards inevitable divorce 🙄🙈

At what point do they stop being a tiny tiny human?

If someone described a child like this and turned up with anything over a 3 month old baby I’d be very surprised.

The fact that you describe a child that’s pretty much a pre schooler in that way gives a really clear indication that you’re probably on a very different page to me.

How can you live like this OP? You are not in a relationship with your toddler, you’re in a relationship with your husband. You need to sort this out, are you passively trying to avoid intimacy? Are you happy to go sexless and drift apart? This sounds as though you don’t value your relationship. It’s normal for a married man or woman to want to have sex with their wife in bed, it’s not normal to sleep in bed with your toddler and avoid sex.

I know of a couple where the ten year old boy sleeps in the double bed with his mum and the dad sleeps in a single bed in the kid's room.

The dad is having an affair.

The whole thing gives me the ick.

Move your three year old to their own bed.

I know it's the DH. I never said it wasn't. Perhaps you should try reading the words.

You do your normal and let other people do theirs. FFS a child is perfectly safe in bed with his/her parents, stop trying to make a practice (that's lovely and perfectly natural) out to be a perversion.

Because he’s sharing a bed with a three year old and finds the notion of having to decant to somewhere else for sex a turn off. He therefore doesn’t want to have sex. That’s absolutely fair enough and understandable, I can’t think of many things less arousing than having to have sex on a sofa or in the junk room and then go and sleep with a child afterwards

A child learning to self sooth back to sleep is a life skill.

Fuck's sake. Tell me this isn't real.

Yeah I'm with you tbh. In the assumed decades you spend married, 6 months + of cosleeping with your child really isn't a large percentage of potential marital nights together. Especially when DH can't settle the child himself (understand this, my kids wouldn't settle for anyone but me in the middle of the night either). So if cosleeping means the OP, and the little one get more sleep, and there are alternative locations for marital intimacy then think husband needs to be compromising more here!! Sleep deprivation is awful, if I'm going back and forth trying to settle a kid into their bed multiple times a night I wouldn't be in the mood for the sex either way 😂

I don't have many solutions for you though OP. Think it would be a matter of sitting down and discussing all the options and how to make it all work in a way that's fair to all three of you. Hope you reach a compromise soon.

It sounds like it’s you that likes the co-sleeping, which is why it’s not been changed.

It doesn’t sound like OP’s husband has volunteered to go back and fore to the child’s room all night. He might like it more if he did.

No, it's self preservation .it isn't normal here and that is partly due to child protection concerns.

I know my sons father would not be comfortable with his child asking about an erection for example. The naivety that this isn't in a lot of fathers head doesn't make it untrue.

For me and millions of others bed is adult only. It is linked to our sex life it isn't exactly a shock when it's the norm here.

Who the hell wants to sneak around like teenagers when you have your own room!

Ever likely kids are fucked up. Emotional blackmail almost from birth.

DD coslept for much of the night at this age. It absolutely didn’t “go on for years”. But even as a teenager, if something is troubling her, or she’s feeling poorly, she is absolutely welcome in the family bed (super king). We sometimes have movie nights and all sleep in the same bed. It’s lovely.

How much longer are you planning to let your DC co-sleep?

This could go on for years if you don’t build a proper routine in.
And the older they get, the harder it will be to get out of it.

It sounds like it’s you that likes the co-sleeping, which is why it’s not been changed.

Sex is about intimacy too and so although you can have enjoyable sex on the sofa or other bed, it wouldn’t have the same intimacy.

I would buy her some new bedding and teddy and start this weekend.
Use christmas or Father Christmas as an excuse or something.

The first few nights might be tricky but you have to push through because the more you give up, the harder it will be.

I assume both you and DH work and so it’s not fair if it’s just you settling her back to sleep.
Tell him that if he wants her to stop sleeping in their bed, then he’s going to have to help.

It does read as though you encourage it though and I wonder if he finds it frustrating, which is why he doesn’t try putting her back in her bed.

Husband is right, so it's either co sleep/no sex or solve the co sleeping/have sex.

Only read the first page or so, but cannot believe the consensus that the tiny, tiny human should learn to sleep alone because the fully grown man(child) demands his desire to sleep with the OP is more important.

Myself or my husband get my 3 and 7 year old to sleep in our bed so that we can have stories together, then they are moved into their own beds. My 3 year old wakes up every night somewhere around 11pm/12am and gets into our bed for the rest of the night as neither of us mind and realistically it's doesn't last forever and we both want to enjoy themselves sorts of things while we can. SO, if we're having sex it's in our bed before 3 year old comes in. Would this be something that works for you guys? It's not fair that you have to be the one to have a restless night.
Everyone's seems to think you have sex with your toddler in the bed but I'm confused as I don't think that's what you said?

If you read the OP she never said that. She specifically says she’s offered to have sex on sofa and spare bed but DH is the only who only wants to have sex on the bed & is making her kick DS out.

Some very judgemental responses here. My husband and I co slept with our kids when they were little, but by this age we did it by settling then in their own bed and one of us getting in with them if they woke (2 kids with their own separate beds so one each). If both kids slept through then we both slept in our bed by ourselves all night (in reality this didn't happen for a few years). But generally they didn't wake until the ams so we did have 'bedtime' together.

Is that a halfway that might work for you?

Also on the cosleeping thing my kids are 6 and 8 now and sleep happily in their own beds through the night.

It's her DH that's refusing the sex, not op.

Are you reading the words?

Madness. The kid isn't even 3. Literally thousands of kids spend time in their parents bed at that age. It's a loving and caring parenting method whether you agree with it or not.

You don't have sex at all. Has it been that way for 3 years? No wonder your DH is pissed off. Having sex on a schedule or having to move rooms is a great way to kill intimacy.
Put your child in their own bed, you'll have a few disturbed nights but it will be worth it. As your child wakes both of you up at night no-one is getting a descent nights sleep anyway.

I bed share with my 3.5 year old and she's still breastfeed (mumsnet loves this).

My husband usually sleeps with us, we have a super king bed. But if he snores he moves into the spare.

We still have a sex life! But obviously not when our child is in the bed. We go downstairs or spare bed. My husband knows this isn't forever. We both know that.

I think your husband should just suck it up and have sex elsewhere in the house.

Nothing less passionate than hey fancy going to the spare room for a shag 😅

Id be trying to get the little room to sleep in their room. We had to do the whole holding hand till they fell asleep with one and then slowly it moved to just being in the room sat down, then sat by the door to tuck up kiss night and off they fell to sleep.

Yeah the up and downs for the first week are annoying but no harder than having a newborn and again it’s a stage they grow out of. As long as you don’t make putting them back to bed a song and dance or “fun”. Toilet, kiss tuck up. Leave rinse and repeat.