Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

Maybe the term just sounded very formal haha. I do use no nonsense language when writing about something ridiculous.

Yeah I don't see the funny either...

Well isn’t that what it is? The bed bought and chosen by a married couple to sleep in? Same as we would say ‘family home’?

@Lanzarotelady @Incakewetrust the OP hasn't said they have sex with the child in the bed. She's said they 'just don't have sex' because her husband won't consent to the sofa or spare bed and she doesn't want to end the cosleeping with the almost three year old so they're at an impasse. Which is how the thread started, ideas on how to resolve the situation in a way which might work for OP, DH and DC.

But yes as @Completelyjo says it could have been worded better.

DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed.

Very strange wording from you. No one should have to “declare” this. It should be a complete given unless you are a sexual abuser.

YABU

Having sex next to a child is something people go to jail for 🤢
You are massively unreasonable and honestly, I feel a bit sick after reading your OP.

Your husband is right.

BUT...changing this and working towards getting and keeping DS in his own bed is a both of you problem that both of you need to help with and work on together, as a team.

The longer this goes on for the harder it's going to be to stop.

Time to both compromise. You want uninterrupted sleep, he wants just you two in the marital bed. So maybe you could settle DC in their own bed (you said it was multiple wake ups that were the issue, so presumably they settle initially?) When DC wakes in the night it’s DH’s problem to solve, he can either bring dc through to co sleep from then (amount of co sleeping will naturally reduce as dc sleeps longer) or DH learns to settle dc in the night. DH has every right to not want to continue the co sleeping indefinitely, but he has to accept being part of the solution.

I feel slightly sick after reading that! Sorry OP you are way out of order here and to have sex in the same bed as your child is sick!

I think co sleeping needs to be a mutual agreement, if one person is no longer happy with it then measures need to be taken to get the child in their own room, maybe get a double bed in your child's room start them off in there and if they're asleep when you go to bed it's all fine and if not you go in their room until they fall asleep and go back to your own bed, parenting isn't easy and there are sometimes it will be tiring but unfortunately that's how it is, eventually your child will get used to their room and this won't be an issue but you have to persevere

Yabu, you are both the parents, not just your sole decision on the sleeping arrangements, also comes across that it's for your benefit rather than LO. You are making a rod for your own back here by not teaching LO to settle on their own.

I know 2 couples who have split up over this issue, as they've ended up with DC still unable to sleep alone at 9 years old.

That said, DH is going to have to support with the transition, not right for you to have to do it all alone

Co-sleeping seems to be a great form of contraception.

I don't have a 3 year old, and they're hidden in the drawer, it's not made of perspex or labelled or anything. I don't feel the child is necessarily too young to sleep on their own either.

I am advocating for a mutual solution being found that the father participates in with good faith. Not having him dictate to his wife what she needs to do so that he can have all the sex he wants with none of the parenting required to make that happen, and withholding sex until she complies. That sort of behaviour is adversarial and would have me hugely unaroused.

Would you husband be content to continue cosleeping if you were having frequent sex?

If so, can you have sex somewhere other than in the bed where your 3 year old is asleep?

Respectfully, I completely disagree with this on so many levels

It varies. But they are still reliant on parents for everything at that age. Language and emotional regulation still developing. So they’d probably graduate to tiny human at 5ish, little human at 7ish and then you get a decent run till puberty wipes out 40% of their grey matter.

You and I are very, very different.

Is it you describing an almost three year old as a tiny tiny human?

Because it sounds like you’re happy to keep sex toys etc in a communal place with a preschooler around (who aren’t renowned for their self discipline and discretion) but feel the that they’re too young to sleep on their own.

I like my husband so I want to sleep next to him and I want to have sex with him and I don't want him to not be able to sleep properly for years because of a three year old and then have to go to work.

It's very indulgent to keep a three year old in your bed because you like to look at his face.

Your child’s sleep needs are entirely normal
Not to me they aren't. When my dc were three they had bed, bath and story and then they went to sleep in their beds. That is what I thought was normal because that's what happened to me as a child.

OP, what worked for me was DC having a large bed in their own room. DC went to sleep in own room (with me there* til DC fell asleep). Then I would go to my bed later with DH like a ‘normal’ couple haha.
DC would wake at some point in the night and call for me… I would go through and get into DC’s bed and we would both go back to sleep easily there.
Over time, DC would wake in the night less until never at all anymore.
*Yes i know they need to learn to settle themselves, but this is what worked for me, and may work for you. At least it means the DC gets used to their own bed.

It doesn't override his, but it's of equal weight. She's not automatically being unreasonable just because he feels differently.

Edited to add:

I don't think there's anything at all weird about it, so no, disclosure of a two year old sleeping with his parents wouldn't bother me at all.

If my partner would sooner go without sex than shag me on the sofa then I'd be worried he didn't fancy me much at all.

We have a drawer in the living room with a blindfold, condoms and some sex toys. A bit of effort goes a long way 😉.

It isn't lovely for the father of he isn't comfortable with it!

Are you seriously saying you wouldn't as a man be worried about a disclosure? Because unfortunately the world we live in that's a real fear most men I know have.

Why does the mother's choice override his? Surely the logical solution is for her to sleep in the child's room and leave the adult bedroom as is.

And you think it’s normal to be in a sexless marriage?

YABU. Child should learn to sleep in own bed.