Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

Actually some of us grown women were quite keen on cuddles after sex.
Neither of mine wanted to sleep in with us, if either was ill one of us went to them. But quite honestly it was better for all of us to get a decent night's sleep in our own beds. FWIW my oldest has a chronic health problem and it was better if he was in his own bed.

@dhnosex - I agree with the pp who has suggested moving the toddler into the other double bed. You could co-sleep with them there, while they get used to it, and then you could put the toddler to bed in their double bed, while you and dh go off to your room for sex and cuddles. If the child wakes up, you can go and co-sleep with them, but who knows, maybe they won't, and that would be good for all of you.

Or a kennel.

Incorrect. It's down to who gets up all the time and does the shitty night waking stuff, in this case I would assume it's the OP who probably also works and was getting exhausted.

when we have needed to cosleep the cosleeping parent alway took the DC into the spare room (which you already have) and slept in there with them
we used to alternate each night but DC always started off in their own bed

YABU. Sleeping with your child is only OK if both parents are happy with it.

I agree with co sleeping but still maintain, why does op not start of the kid in their own bed and let them come into their bed when the child wakes.
We have 3 DC with which we've all coslept at some age/some parts of the night, and starting them off in their own bed seems like a reasonable compromise.

@dhnosex hasn't answered this.

@Astrabees I think your attitude is very western. Millions of women sleep with their kids. Millions of women don't have two bedroom places. I find your attitude judgemental and snobby.

I co-slept with mine, lone parent, working full time and she was a bad sleeper. It was great and when she was 4 she was all ready for her own bed.

Do what's right for you OP. I think your DH is holding you all to ransom a bit here.

The attitude to co sleeping on here is actually quite sad.

Grown man wants cuddles after sex so must retain master bed = totally okay and normal.

Young child seeks comfort at night when they awaken and get scared = fuck em. They must learn.

I must be mental because that to me is weird.

It's mostly in the western world we have this attitude to sleep.

And the argument they will never leave is uttter bullshit - I used to sneak into my mum and brothers rooms when I was younger - I am certainly not doing that now and we all happily live in our own homes.

As someone who also Co sleeps, my opinion is that he is unreasonable.
Humans are the only mammal that doesn't sleep with their babies next to them anymore (and that's been quite recent in history). You have many many years to have sex with your husband, and you're right it doesn't have to be in a bed every time (how boring!, though it is nice to do it on your bed when it's free and you haven't been able to because of cosleeping). But you don't have all those years of snuggling little one at night. I say make the most of it and treat yourself to a nice little lingerie set and see if you can get him to the sofa. 😆

It is utterly ridiculous to allow a situation to develop where a 3 or 4 year old sleeps with their parents. When mine were that age I went in and sat by them if they were poorly or upset. If they had wanted to sleep with us I would have turned them round and led them back to their own beds. We are now seeing children arriving at reception class in nappies, unable to use cutlery and being transported in buggies. There is no excuse for any of this, parents need to encourage independence and learn how to say No.

I always find it interesting when people think the child should sleep alone so the adults can sleep together.

It’s difficult to think of anything less “interesting” when it’s the norm across the western world.

JFC the attitudes on this thread.

I co slept until DD was 4.

I was working full time, sleep was a premium to me and she didn't sleep well unless in bed with me.

All good, millions of women do this.

I am a lone parent though so had no relationship to maintain but I think your DH is an idiot.

Unless he is doing his share of the waking in the night etc

YADNBU at all!!!!

If HE has a problem with the co sleeping arrangements then perhaps HE should sort out the sleep issues and get up each night and deal with the non sleeping child.
Sounds to me like he wants it all his own way tbh and is trying to make his life easier and better at the expense of both his wife and his child.

Meh, I think it's totally fine to co-sleep with a 3 year old and much more common than this thread is inferring.

I always find it interesting when people think the child should sleep alone so the adults can sleep together.

So if I'm reading this correctly [the spare room/the second bedroom/the other room]- your three year old doesn't actually have a bedroom?

So where does he actually sleep if not with you and is not settling [if you are off shagging on the sofa]

Because I'd start there. Convert the spare room - give him a double bed so you can co sleep through the transition phase if he is VERY unsettled and give him a lovely room of his own that he might be inclined to sleep in.

I am definitely in the minority clearly so take this as you wish, but I'm on your side OP. The arrangement you describe is normal world over in many households. It won't be forever. So what that it's technically a 'master'. It's the biggest room and right now you're co sleeping (also very normal in many cultures until child/ren is/are much older, generally stopping prior to adolescence, there is research on this. I don't think levels of marital sex are that different in said cultures if population sizes are anything to go by...) so makes sense to use it to co sleep and another room for sex.

So what did he have to “declare” that he was uncomfortable having sex with a toddler in the bed. And why have you acted like it wouldn’t wake them up so what’s the problem.

I wouldn’t feel the need to declare that to my partner unless my partner had suggested we have sex with the toddler in the bed, and then I’d have to say it whilst thinking, “I can’t believe they even suggested it.” Otherwise, I wouldn’t say it out loud because it’s not needed.

Did you ever suggest having sex whilst your toddler slept in the bed with you?

You are being unreasonable.

Your 3 year old should be sleeping in their own bed, get them used to that before they have to start school etc.

If your 3 year old is dependent on you to fall asleep, you are making life harder for your future self.

You are.

It's madness to let a child sleep in the master bedroom while you move out for any reason.

Put the child in it's own room.