Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

So you think they're both being unreasonable?

I am perhaps taking some of the responses to this thread a bit personally as I have a disabled DC and cosleeping with them is pretty much the only peaceful, close time we get together. Most of our waking time together is challenging so our bond would suffer immensely if I couldn’t do it for some reason. Yes I value that special time together more than I value having sex in my own bed, when there are plenty of other places to do that.

People are being very judgemental about others’ decisions here when there is simply no need. One size does not fit all and people have different priorities.

It sounds manipulative to me.

I think it’s six of one and a half dozen of the other.

OP you must be ready to pull your hair out by now! I have never seen so many questions that have already been answered over and over again in my life! This is just life the way it is for you right now, I’m pretty sure he could manage to have sex in another room ffs! If you’re planning on weaning off the go-sleeping at some point then have that discussion about a plan.

But he's providing one circumstance where he's prepared to have sex, and that just happens to conflict with a parenting decision they ought to be making together and both taking responsibility for. It sounds manipulative to me.

My kids got lots of cuddles and comfort. In their own bed if needed. And at other times of day. I sleep trained them ( I suspect that makes me the spawn of the devil! ) so we all got a good night's sleep.

He is being unreasonable. No reason you can't run into the other room, especially if it has a duvet/is made up.
Re the co sleeping, I'd start with a mattress on the floor of the toddler's room and someone sleeps in there.

At least, the toddler should start their night off in their own bed and if they come in to you, that's fine.
But they shouldn't be put to bed in your bed. Because then they think 'this is my bed'.

Ok putting aside the sec question because quite frankly it’s irrelevant. Your DH clearly isnt happy with your son in his bed, it’s disturbing his sleep and yes disturbing his sex life, he’s entitled to feel this way. You are tired and don’t want to be running back and forth to a bad sleeping toddler, and you enjoy collapsing, you’re entitled to feel this way. There is a very simple solution to this that keeps everyone happy.

the set up in our house is as follows. DS has a small double in his own room. At bed time him and I cuddle until he’s asleep, I then leave him with a monitor on him, spend the evening with DH, lie in “our” bed and watch tv and yes occasionally have sex, read books etc. When it’s time for lights out and go to sleep and not a moment earlier I leave “our” room and go sleep with DS. I get to co sleep and me and DH still have our time in our bedroom in the evening. Everyone’s happy and everyone’s sleeping.

Humans are also the o ly mammal that requires privacy for sex.
You think a Daddy Monkey Cares if other monkeys see him shaggin mummy Monkey?

Also other mammals are very quick to sort out inconvenient offspring with effective and permanent results.

It's always easy to pick and choose which parts to highlight.

So you need a cuddle and comfort, but a toddler doesn't?

No issue if both parents are in full agreement. If the DH here were happy, this couple would be making time and space for sex all over their house!

The issue here is that DH is NOT happy. So he is refusing to have sex. That is a pretty strong signal as to how unhappy he is.

OP needs to have a long conversation with her husband. He probably never wanted this and feels 3 years is long enough.

This is a relationship issue rather than a sex issue. Once this couple come together and listen to each other, the sex issue will fix itself.

'it'? Why do you need your husband in your comfortable marital bed? Did you not learn to self settle? Maybe your parents should have sleep trained you harder.

Tbf, Bolton became quite heated towards me 😁

But we can agree that we have different opinions, and we do what we believe is best for our own children

Well exactly. Beggars belief this thread has got so heated.

Many posters acting like the OP is strange perhaps don’t currently have small children. So they don’t realise how widespread co-sleeping is now.

Well you’re being purposefully obtuse. I didn’t say you were ignorant. I said making sweeping statements about what’s “normal” is ignorant.

But we can agree that we have different opinions, and we do what we believe is best for our own children.

Yes I'm confused too. My eldest is a similar age to OP's and most of my mum friends are still cosleeping - very normal imo.

We disagree, that’s all. Who knows which of us is right, if either? Can only repeat, I am not ignorant, thank you.

Exactly this. Absolutely bizarre reading. I also hate the insinuation that OP has somehow failed by not 'training' her very young child to sleep alone, so her husband can be serviced in the location of his choosing, presumably whilst she goes back and forth to settle said child and then get up for work in the morning.

Why is it that women are told to balance being a mother and 'being a wife' read: give enough sex/attention to the man. Where are these men who are also parents to the child? It shouldn't be child vs husband and mum attending to everyone's needs. It should be both parents working together and supporting one another in order to, dare I say, prioritise small children during this season of your lives.

Like you have on this thread?

It’s ignorant to make sweeping statements.

I agree to a point, but if you notice I said we always prioritise our small child whilst still having plenty of time to nurture eachother as parents and lovers. We have a wonderful relationship with eachother, and a wonderful relationship with our little boy.

We cosleep, but he goes to bed hours before us. We get lots of time as a couple. But when we have a 2 year old present, of course he’s the priority. Life and parenting is a constant balance.

OP’s partner is not attempting to find any balance by being so adamant that their child needs to be in another room, and OP needs to suck up the extra work by disturbing their toddlers sleep, just so that he can get enough sex when and where he wants it. Yuck.

Boltonb

Our 4 year old grandson happilly sleeps in his cabin bed, has for a long time. His mum and dad aren’t old fashioned 🤷‍♀️

I’m not ignorant, thank you.

@Boltonb - I would argue that prioritising the needs of the child ALL the time could well lead to exhaustion and burn out from the parents and will put a lot of unnecessary strain on the marriage.

There is a saying - “You can’t pour from an empty jug” that I think is relevant here - parents are people too, with needs, and if they are never met, because the children are 100% of the priority, 100% of the time, surely the parents will run out of energy (emotional and mental, as well as physical), to carry on caring for their children.

It is a case of balance - and there is nothing wrong with parents finding time to nurture themselves and their relationships.

I find it odd how many people think a 3yo cosleeping is weird or even unusual? In our Primary 1 WhatsApp group, there are still quite a few of our kids who come into our bed at some point in the night! It's pretty normal from what I can tell, having talked to many, many mums of little kids at loads of baby and toddler groups over the past five years.

DD2 is 2 now and plenty of her peers are still room and bed sharing. She's never been interested in cosleeping, but DD1 has always been keen on it. She is a happy, confident little girl, happily will be left at clubs, activities, she's often the one leading her friends into place when they are nervous. But she likes to get into bed with me in the night. I said to her she should try to sleep in her own bed all night once and she asked me why and I honestly couldn't think of a good answer! 'Because that's just what people do' suddenly didn't really sound like a good reason 🤷‍♀️

I totally understand why people don't want to cosleep, but don't make it sound like some weird or perverse thing when IME it's totally normal. People get so weirdly incensed about it on here, like it's a moral failing for a child not to sleep 7-7 in their own bed.