Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

Many posters acting like the OP is strange perhaps don’t currently have small children. So they don’t realise how widespread co-sleeping is now.

Lots of people still cosleep at that age, we did, and many of our friends did. We've only just stopped cosleeping with eldest and she's gone 5. I suspect she'll bounce back to our bed at some stage though, and that's fine with us.

I've never really understood the idea that sex is a bed thing anyway. Hurrah for sofas etc.

@MrsSkylerWhite you are at risk of sounding woefully ignorant and old fashioned. Parents insisting that children sleep in their own beds doesn’t make them secure. The children aren’t making a choice, they are simply following rules.

Similar to the fact that cry it out doesn’t teach “self soothing”. It teaches that it’s pointless to cry as nobody is coming to rescue you. So a small baby CAN sleep through the night, but it’s certainly not because they’re thinking “I’m so secure, and there’s nothing to worry about”.

I notice you use “were” not “are” which might mean that you were parenting a while ago, and we know much more now about attachment and security between small children and their caregiver/s.

Many parents do what they believe is best, for whatever reason. Many parents follow certain guidance from the time that they’re parenting. But making sweeping statements about what’s “NORMAL” is ignorant and pointless.

BluePapillon · Today 14:03
That’s such a funny attitude. You could also ask why would a grown adult, who knows the world and is able you’d think to manage his emotional needs with perspective and compromise needing to prioritise himself over a small child who knows none of that and remove the child from its parents at night? The OP has explained the child was a poor sleeper and co sleeping has helped, it’s not forever.
It’s so funny you use the word relegated. Like a bit of a change in the use of the bed to help settle his child is somehow impacting this grown man’s status. How insecure would you have to be to view it that way due to a tiny child you (presumably) actively chose to bring into the world.

Not insecure at all. I want to share my bed with my husband. If the kids were unwell, they came in with me or him. Otherwise, at 3, they were in their own beds. Which is normal for kids who are secure.

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

Because all children need learn how to get off to sleep by themselves. It's as simple as that.
Having sex with a partner involves more than just a quick shag, hopefully there is also an emotional connection and for many that doesn't involve getting straight out of bed as though it's meaningless or as though the other party can't wait to get away. It's having a cuddle as well.
I can get off to sleep by myself, just as well as I'm widowed. I'd still like a cuddle and some time together after sex if DH was still here.

Having sex in the same room as any child over 6 months raises red flags with social services. In the same bed as a 3 year old? You're being very unreasonable. I say this as someone who co slept with my kids until they in double figures.

Yep. Not even worthy of the dog basket hahaha

Weird - clearly OP didn’t mind him in her/their bed at some point for both sleep and sex. But of course she’s got what she wants out of the marriage now, he is probably surplus to requirement.

It apparently is, he belongs in the shed. With a blanket, possibly. Depends how he behaves.

He's not demanding sex. And wives shouldn't be allowed to exclusively dictate the terms of intimacy either: sex is a shared experience between adults. He's perfectly reasonable to expect to have sex in his own bed without a kid around. 3 is old enough to sleep alone.

ewwww imagine having sex next to a child. that is wrong im sorry

@OrangeGreens Because it discourages independence, self settling and the child developing ways to entertain itself if it is awake and others are not. As the OP has indicated it rules out the normal comfortable marital sex that most couples have in their own beds. If the child has a perfectly comfortable bed of its own after age 2, or a cot before this, it should be encouraged to sleep in it.

And it’s not just the sex. He wants ti sleep in his bed, with his wife, with nobody else there. I don’t think that’s a big ask.

Hang on just a minute - who put "sex on hold"? And why is it up to the OP to train her child to sleep in his own bed? He has a father as well as a mother?? If this is a hill for him to die on, let him put his money where his mouth is, selfish get! Sex is only on hold because he's being such a dick about where it happens!!

Yeah it is. I just think if we’re going to start telling men where they can and can’t have sex, we should expect to be called hypocrites.

They too are allowed preferences!

You did the right thing! Sleep matters!!

No, I moved a non-sleeping almost 2 year old into my own bed whilst I was sleep deprived and my DC started sleeping through the night immediately.

It is utterly ridiculous to allow a situation to develop where a 3 or 4 year old sleeps with their parents. When mine were that age I went in and sat by them if they were poorly or upset. If they had wanted to sleep with us I would have turned them round and led them back to their own beds. We are now seeing children arriving at reception class in nappies, unable to use cutlery and being transported in buggies. There is no excuse for any of this, parents need to encourage independence and learn how to say No.