Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

well not a lot because the kid is in his bed!

And what is he doing to make this happen exactly?? Naw, it's all on the mum.

TG to hear a reasonable POV! My kids are also adults, and two of them have lived away from home for years at a time. One is about to move out permanently, having lived at home for a while to save for a deposit for a house. One is finishing a year's study abroad and will never move home again due to the nature of their career choice. Youngest is still here but in final year of uni, so who knows? The world is his oyster! I'm delighted that we had those years of co-sleeping while they were little. It's stood them in good stead, as they are confident, secure and outgoing, and they are very close to us as their parents.

So the nasties can throw shade at me as much as they will, but I am the winner in the end, so I don't care! My elder two are already very successful in their careers and the youngest is doing amazingly in uni, so I am more than happy and just a small bit smug, that we got it right.

Getting your toddler to settle in their own bed doesn't have to take long, at all. Not if you tackle it sensibly. Obviously, the OP has made doing this much harder for herself and her child, because she enjoys sleeping with her child (sod how her DH feels) and her toddler now sees this as normal.

No one is asking the OP to spend the next umpteen weeks/months teaching her toddler to settle. In reality, it could be accomplished quite quickly, short term pain for long term gain etc.

But, clearly the OP doesn't want short term pain for long term gain. She wants to co-sleep, because she simply likes it, regardless of her DH's feelings.

Fair enough. But this won't end well.

perhaps he would do it if that meant actual sleep training with end results not wishy washy nonsense.

Can you just for a second understand that your experience isn't universal?

Your rudeness isn't appreciated either.

Happily.

I think that keeping your children in bed with you because of your attachment to them, because you want them next to you rather than in their own bed, or because it’s easier for you, is unhealthy and clingy.

I believe it holds them back from developing independence in early childhood, and risks making them think and feel they can’t cope without you. That’s not a message I’d happily give a child.

Hence - apron strings.

No, I would like you to spell it out.

WTF did I EVER say I ever had sex with any of my children present???!

I won't say what I would like to say to you because you are not worth being banned over! What is wrong with you? Read what I actually posted! What a disgusting accusation which is totally without foundation!!

I think you know what I meant?

Just don’t think shouting is necessary.

Firstly - reared. I’ll just leave that there.

I’m obviously pleased your children survived to adulthood, but personally I don’t feel the need to watch them sleep to do it. I’d never tell my husband to live in the spare bedroom so I could do that either - I think that’s incredibly isolating, and devaluing.

With respect, those of us who disagree with you don’t have to follow your rules of “rearing” children; or even agree with them. Some people think cosleeping as a long term solution is excessive, and that adults matter too. Some of us also don’t want to spend every single second of the day with a child. And they’re all okay opinions to have too.

Before/if you tell me it’s a good idea to cosleep because of sleep deprivation. Trust me on this - you would be preaching to the entirely wrong exhausted choir. I’m deprived of sleep AND don’t want to co-sleep.

For goodness sake. Not once has op said that her husband ‘refuses’ to put the child to bed. She has said that the child will not settle for him and gets more and more agitated.

You’re making things up and to be honest, sounding rather agitated yourself as the thread goes on. Why are you taking this so personally? It’s not your situation.

Do you know a single adult who hasn't learned to sleep by themselves?

I think looking at some threads on here quite a few adults struggle when they don't have their husband sleeping next to them. I've seen countless threads where women say they don't "feel safe" or "can't relax" if their husband is away and I've seen a lot of posters say they need their husband to go to bed the same times as them too or they can't relax.

I don't share a bed with dh, we've been together over 20 years but I've had so many comments both on here and in real life from people who say it's really odd, he used to work away a lot and people would just assume I must lie awake all night scared on my own without him laid next to me.

I've noticed that the people I know in real life who are the most militant about children not sleeping with parents, are also the same people who are anxious all night if they have to sleep alone due to partner being away.

My friend's dh used to get really angry at his son getting into bed with them when a toddler, he'd say my friend is pandering and will make him soft, same friend recently had a few weeks away to stay and support a family and her husband moaned and moaned every day at her that he couldn't settle to sleep without her in the bed with him. A fully grown adult moaning he didnt like sleeping alone while expecting his toddler to do so.

Meaning?

Selfish to expect his wife to have broken sleep every night settling their child when he is not willing to do it.

Would you accept that?

I do. I don’t want to ruin my sofa using cleaning materials to clean off bodily fluids though.

Really? don't you have cleaning materials in your home?

I am shocked at someone perceiving co-sleeping in such a perverted way. Is that ok with you?

You do realise that not everyone views being a parent in the same way as you? I think given that we have successfully reared three children to adulthood we have a pretty good idea what we are doing! Glad we are not all the same.

I have never known anyone post so frequently in a thread when they aren’t the op. Very odd.

Honestly watching aghast at this point. I think she’s going through page by page/in order, answering things she doesn’t like.

We're at 20:30 today, roughly. Nearly back in the present day!

Clearly some kind of compromise is the way to go. I'm not sure OP's DH will even be on board with that. He's not willing to settle his child when he wakes during the night, and he thinks his DW should endure broken sleep to do it. Not impressive!

Totally different because the OP's DH has issued an ultimatum to her as to the conditions he requires to have sex with her. My vag would slam right down shut. Nobody blackmails me. You might be ok with that. I'm not. Bollocks to him being a 'man'!

It’s not repressed to not want to leave sex stains on your sofa.

You seem to be taking this thread oddly personally.

Thank you for putting all of us co-sleepers straight from your superior, vast bank of experience. I've been married for 34 years and my children are all well into adulthood.

OMG I'm old and I have still had sex on the sofa! What a deeply repressed attitude!