Birthday card by 8 year old

Wtf I've heard it all now.
You're are the parent, she's the child. And she is 8 ffs.

She is 8. Not much more to be said.

Is the 8 a typo? Do you mean 18 or 28?

Or are you seriously considering not making an effort to punish an 8 YEAR OLD for not making you a card?

The difference OP, is that he is a grown ass man and she is an 8 yo child. Take up your (unresolved) issues with him, don't project them on your daughter or make them her responsibility.

Can you imagine being raised by a parent that's just waiting to notice/find the worst traits of your other parent in you?

I visited my 18 year old at university the weekend before my birthday, I had to get the 12 year old to remind her to pick a card for me when in the shop, which I then paid for.

😂

Why three birthday parties OP? One is fine.

But tbh your 8yo making a birthday card for you comes under the heading of tasks for your DH. Organising it at least. I cannot believe you are planning to punish her (by not making much of her birthday) for this.

Edited to add: I see you have accepted this so please ignore

Absolutely ridiculous

Why couldn’t your husband have sat with her? What sort of relationship do they have? He doesn’t sound particularly hands on.

I have a feeling what is happening here is you have felt let down by your husband often and it’s somehow changed your mindset to think you should also watch out for being let down by your daughter.

I honestly think you should consider counselling for this reaction

😂😂🙈

Go no contact with her OP

I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her About an 8yo child's birthday. Seriously, you needs long think.

DD would freak out about it not being good enough , or what she should actually draw, which of the things I like should she pick, can she draw them well , or will I like it (I'm not critical, the kid has issues ) and end up not doing it either. It's easier and kinder to just buy a card (or use one from the stockpile) that she'll write a message in.

And how hard would it have been for him to say “let’s sit together and make mum a birthday card”?

Children have to be taught these things, and considering up until 2 years ago her husband wasn’t even getting her a card where exactly do you think an 8 year old is going to have learned that this is important from?

It was less hassle for him to go “well I’ve reminded her” than it would have been to actually help her to make a card which would then have been a lesson for Christmas/Mothers Day/next birthday.

These are teaching moments, not “well I told you and you forgot so now you don’t get a birthday party” moments

Grow up

Fleeting disappointment would be a more proportionate response. Not what OP has described.

Don’t you think the way OP is speaking about her own child is a bit mad though? 😵‍💫

And people read the op - her DH reminded the DD several times. Its not hard to fold a piece of paper or card & draw a picture of a cake or something and write "happy birthday mum" inside

Im gonna disagree with the crowd on this one. If she's got the capacity to remember things for herself, she could have managed a quick card. 8 year olds can be quite selfish and remember all manner of things for their own interests, we don't have to assume they'll outgrow that, we can choose to encourage them to be more empathetic & thoughtful.

My 8 yr old would have remembered, we've talked about how sad he'd feel if we all forgot his birthday. We've always focussed a lot on the "giving" aspect of birthdays.

I think I'd wait a couple of days, then sit down and gently say it was a shame she didn't make the card as you were looking forward to it.

Seriously. Grow up. And stop being emotionally abusive towards your 8 year old child. Your emotions are not her responsibility to shoulder and she is 8, the other adult in this situation should be facilitating this if she has not remembered herself. And saying you don't want to make an effort for her because of it. Wow. How old are you? That is cold. Get a grip, be the adult and get some help for your clear insecurities and debt mindset that your child "owes" you something.

I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her.

For your EIGHT year old daughter???? Fucking hell, poor kid. Grow up OP.

…. Also, she does have your husband’s DNA. Obviously. Are you well??

I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her. This year I organised 3 separate birthday parties for her. This was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card.

Sorry, but it sounds like you're backtracking somewhat. Read the above quote again - that's nothing to do with your husband being annoyed or you being confused about age appropriate thoughtfulness, is it?

This isn't healthy OP. She's her own person, not a carbon copy of either of you.

She's years off remembering this stuff on her own. Plenty of teens need reminders and grow into perfectly lovely people.

Your DH is being really out of line to put the blame on her too.

It sounds like you and your DH are in some passive aggressive birthday battle and putting an 8yo in the middle of it.

Husband neglecting your birthday you are not unreasonable to be upset over though. Good to hear he is trying to do better. He should not be making your daughter feel bad for what is essentially his failure to get her to make a card.

It’s up to the grown adults to facilitate what children do. I can’t believe you’re holding your own young dd responsible for your emotional responses. Kindly, get a grip. YABU.