To sometimes hate having more than one child

34 replies

ijustneedawayout · 06/11/2024 19:54

God knows which one I’d return as I do love them both, but together they are unbearable. They are 3, nearly 4, and 16 months.

They fight CONSTANTLY. I am exhausted with it. I got back from nursery with them at 430, in that time the older one shoved the baby off the sofa completely unprovoked, she did absolutely nothing.

At bedtime I can’t even read them stories as they fight to be on my lap, the babysitting the older one, the older one annoying the baby by refusing to let her lift the flap on her baby books. Squabble, argue, fight constantly.

I have an older brother, and I used to think my parents were just not very good at managing us. Now I know better. I hate having them both, but I love them individually. My baby is so chilled and easy and smiley without her brother around. If I just had my older one he’d be starting school this September and I’d have some freedom back.

I hate being a mum to two. Hate it.

OP posts:

RhaenysRocks · 06/11/2024 20:09

I'm afraid mine are worse now as teens. One of each sex, two years apart. I call the dynamic between them an extra child that I have to wrangle and manage. They're not into anything at all the same and I'm a single parent so I can't divide and conquer. Most attempts at a family activity results in whining at best and fighting and bitching at each other at worst. They actually used to be quite sweet and play lots of games together 🙄

V0xPopuli · 06/11/2024 20:07

Also have older one sit in their room for 10-15 mins with books etc while you read/tuck in younger, then spend 15 mins reading to elder. That way they each get a little time with you & you aren't dealing with them scrapping over the book.

Sellingbedtime · 06/11/2024 20:06

You don't understand how easy having one is until you add the 2nd into the mix.

My two are the same in some ways. I vary rarely take them out on my own together as they are just on different (exhausting) wavelengths. My eldest has just started school so now it feels a bit easier.

3 and 16mo are tough ages, two toddlers! It will get easier OP. I know it's easier said then done but give yourself some grace. In their eyes you are the most wonderful mum, why wouldn't they fight to sit on your lap ☺️

V0xPopuli · 06/11/2024 20:06

You are at the worst bit, they don't have much in common at that age . Mine are the same age gap. Just keep plugging away at keeping order - turn taking for everything etc. Your flap in the book, then yours, then yours.

Come down hard now on rough behaviour - immediate consequences and nip it in the bud. Encourage elder to like younger by making playing together fun & rewarding for him.

Just wait til they are 4 and 6, and no one wakes you til 8.30 on sunday morning because they are happily playing dens together in one of their bedrooms.

They are bored shitless if the other isn't around, it'd be awful being a parent to either one of them without the other!!

Original poster

ijustneedawayout · 06/11/2024 20:05

I hope so but I feel like my life will just be indignant screams as soon as I turn my back for a long time. I’m feeling really low about it. I can’t even read bloody books with them!

OP posts:

newyearsresolurion · 06/11/2024 19:58

Hang in there!! I could have written the same this evening after my toddler drove me insane all day . I feel traumatised haha. I have nothing to say but hopefully it will get better with time.

Wasywasydoodah · 06/11/2024 19:58

It gets better (usually!) hand on in there

FreshOrangeJuice · 06/11/2024 19:56

i have 4 and all they do is argue and they are much older, people have told me i’m lucky as they can “all play together” but they never play together they just argue and fight all day it’s relentless has not got better for me if anything they argue more

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/11/2024 19:56

Do you have a partner? Can you do a bedtime each?

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