To sometimes hate having more than one child

My youngest 2 are very similar ages, and I've found this age gap quite tricky, particularly with both wanting to sit on my lap at the same time. I just keep repeating "there's enough room for me to cuddle both of you" but they definitely still fuss about it. The almost 4 year old has recently started trying to include little brother in lots of things though, and he will come out with one toy for him and one for his brother to play together, I've found the more I praise him "wow you are the kindest big brother for sharing your toys" he loves that and does it more, so now I praise anything positive haha. Definitely challenging though for sure at times.

So far I have found it doesnt get better! Mine are now 22 and 24. 24 year old hasnt lived at home for 6 years but recently split with partner. Now living with friends. 22 year old lives at home but flits between here and current partner.

Both are planning to spend xmas with us. My mum will also be here which means they will have to share a room for 3 days max. OMG. WW3 has broken out about it. 22 year old wont share her room. 24 year old wont share with 22 year old. 24 year old will sleep in lounge - I dont think so as a) she is incredibly messy, b) she gets up around 11am if left to her own devices and c) just no - she isnt!

I am contemplating me, DH, mum and dog just go away for xmas without telling them.

They will be having their struggles too OP. You never know what is happening behind closed doors.

Make sure you have an identity beyond being a mum.

Mine are teens now - it is worth it. Yes, they sometimes argue, but it is in that very safe and honest way that only siblings can - they are a unit and a real team - I am so glad that they have each other.

16 month old and a 4.5 yo.

I absolutely hear you. It’s the pits at the moment as they are both mobile and demanding, but for completely separate things and with no interest in or care for each other.

Its no given but I hope when the youngest becomes more interested in playing as opposed to emptying cupboards or climbing stairs it might get better

your comment about turning your back, you can’t do this at the moment and expect anything like harmony. Divide and conquer, set very basic rules for playing together

Can you split bedtime? When DH isn't here (or to be honest even when he is) I leave the big one downstairs with the ipad and e.g. a gummy vitamin/yoghurt etc while I take the little one to bed and then do the older one.

I have two, they are 3 and 4 and I feel the same. They are lovely one on one but I rarely get time to spend with them on their own and feel guilty about it. The rivalry and fighting is quite extreme with my two as well, I suspect it’s the small age gap. When i have one of them on their own I marvel at how easy it is and wonder how I ever found taking care of just one hard

Eventually, having two will be a lot more fun.
Mine also squabbled when very young. Now they still squabble occasionally, but mostly they play games together, find ways to keep each other entertained, take care of one another, and it’s such a relief to not be the only source of entertainment!

you’ll look back one day and feel very thankful you put up with the early days to get to a future where your children get along.
just keep teaching them to be kind to one another, however hard now, and reminding them that they need to take care of each other, that it’s special
to have a sibling and not be all alone, etc.
find ways to reward them for when they are nice to each other (eg instead of just one story at bed time, lucky them, they can have two with eh choosing one, and taking turns for the lap, etc)

They sound like my two. It only took about 20 years before they started getting on better together 🤣

They are not at nice ages atm OP. Give it time. In a few years you will have very different children.

Love and hate are closely connected OP. You are being pulled in all directions and your reserves are low. Do you have a partner/any support? Someone to share the load. Looking after very young children is relentless and exhausting and don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do. I believe things will get better and IMO, it is better to have siblings than being an only child

Mine fight a LOT and god is it wearing

However they also seem to gravitate to each other instead of finding separate spaces to be in (even if it’s only to wind each other up 🙄)

So they must like each other in some way… right??

I'm sure it's not much consolation but I certainly remember fighting a lot with both of my younger siblings right through til I left home for uni (and in the case of one sibling, a little beyond that too). As adults we rarely argue, we all talk at least a few times a week, me and one sibling remain living close to each other and our DPs, and we are a close, supportive family. So yes, hopefully when they are adults if not before!

That's just what siblings do though.

I spent 10 years as an only child then go a sibling and got blamed for everything as he constantly picked fights I tried to avoid, I left home 6 years later... still glad I have a sibling though even if he is stubborn as an ass and we rarely talk. Its a unique bond and I prefer it to being an only child having had experience of both.

My DH has a twin and they are literally best friends who do loads together even as adults, however they have fought so bad as kids they actually broke bones though.

Just is what it is.

Agree OP and I am mostly on my own with mine too. They are now 3 and 5 and they fight a lot still but honestly also play together and keep each other amused. The older one helps the younger one and away from home really takes care of him. They’re a pleasure now (most) of the time. But until the youngest was 3 it was hell on earth.

Mine are older primary and still fight loads, it's exhausting, but overall it's still easier than your ages because they spend a lot of time doing activities out of the house. There is less physical fighting and more verbal needling each other.

exactly mine are 13 12 10 and 7 and are worse now, they all argue like crazy, those saying it gets better when? when they are adults? 😂

Ohh I hear you! Mines are 3 nearly 4 and 18 months so I’m right there with you. It’s constant they fight absolutely constantly, I knew siblings fought but I honestly didn’t expect it this soon! If you have a partner, divide and conquer at bedtime. Remind yourself (over and over and over) that this is a season and as the baby gets bigger they may still fight but it will be a fair fight and you can let them get on with it haha! As they grow the age gap will get less and they will play together. Put the to on when you need to, get them outside as much as possible. And know that it will pass ( at least that’s what I tell myself)