Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my DP for some money??

88 replies

OrchardBlack · 06/11/2024 18:01

Not sure if I'm going mad tbh.

DP moved in with me (rented) earlier in the year. It's just us two.
In September he lost his job. Has a new permanent one starting end of this month and has started temping this week at Royal Mail to tide him over until he starts permanent job.

I am on the bones of my arse financially. He hasn't obviously had a paycheck this month so I've paid for all rent, all bills, his petrol, food, the works. Can't be helped but I'm literally clinging on until my own payday. I used to live with a housemate and we went halves but she moved out just as DP lost his job 😂

To my AIBU - DP tells me he's had a cheque through from his credit card company for £270 odd, due to excess fees he's been paying. Amazing, I thought! He can give me at least half and that will hopefully tide me over and I might even be able to go for a much needed drink with friends this weekend now.

Except he didn't offer. All afternoon. So I just bought it up with him and asked if I could have at least some, even just to cover the electric this month (with him being unemployed and home all day it's ££££ this month).

He reacted, at best, despondentley. Kind of deflated himself and said "I mean...I guess"

I tried to reason with him and he said he wasn't saying no, he'd need petrol though (??). He said he would but I think he was embarrassed I had to ask?

We've kind of left it at that but there's definitely an atmosphere and now I'm questioning myself.

It's been a shit few months tbh.

AIBU??

OP posts:
category12 · 06/11/2024 18:23

If he's usually paid his way, up until losing his job, maybe it was just like he was happy about the little windfall and then bump back to reality again?

But yes, he should certainly be handing most of it over.

Depends whether he's normally good about sharing resources or if positions were reversed he'd have left you up shit-creek.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/11/2024 18:15

I bet he was planning on treating himself with it and is now pissed off because he's realised he's got responsibilities instead.

7yo7yo · 06/11/2024 18:14

Get out.
Hes sulking and wants you to relent so he can spend that “bonus” on himself. He doesn’t care about you only what you bring to the table. Get out now.

StormingNorman · 06/11/2024 18:14

He should be using it for food shopping if you’re wiped out from paying the bills.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 06/11/2024 18:13

If he won’t contribute get him to move out and get another lodger . Cheeky bastard !

OrchardBlack · 06/11/2024 18:11

LaLaLaurie · 06/11/2024 18:09

YANBU.

Did he contribute anything before he lost his job?

I would be asking him to leave and looking for a housemate unless he starts paying 50% towards all costs. I would be reconsidering the relationship too as he seems to be a bit of a freeloader.

Yes he did, all three of us (ex housemate) all went 1/3rds.

OP posts:
OrchardBlack · 06/11/2024 18:10

Weyohweyoh · 06/11/2024 18:07

He doesn’t get to live off you and get to keep an unexpected windfall all to himself. He should be embarrassed that he didn’t offer.

Right??

The atmosphere is awkward af right now tbh and he's making out like I'm carrying it on, but I'm hurt and annoyed and can't just snap out of that.

OP posts:
LostOnTheWayToManderley · 06/11/2024 18:10

Did he pay half rent, bills etc since he moved in before losing his job in September and will he pick up doing so when he gets his Royal Mail temp wages and when he starts his new permanent job soon?

LaLaLaurie · 06/11/2024 18:09

YANBU.

Did he contribute anything before he lost his job?

I would be asking him to leave and looking for a housemate unless he starts paying 50% towards all costs. I would be reconsidering the relationship too as he seems to be a bit of a freeloader.

Gemmawemma9 · 06/11/2024 18:09

Absolute cheeky scrounging bastard. He SHOULD be embarrassed that you asked. This would seriously put me off someone tbh.

Tamuchly · 06/11/2024 18:08

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable - he should have offered you most of it when it came through! You’re not his Mummy, duty bound to look after him no matter the cost!

Weyohweyoh · 06/11/2024 18:07

He doesn’t get to live off you and get to keep an unexpected windfall all to himself. He should be embarrassed that he didn’t offer.

GrazingLamb · 06/11/2024 18:05

No you’re not.