To have left my hospital appt

Mindutopia, Mittens67 I'm very sorry you are going through this, and all the best.

OP: I've had three moles removed. IME dermatologists are much more unequivocal about removal if they see a significant risk. One of mine was small but very dark, and I felt it had got darker, and the dermatologist had barely clapped eyes on it before saying 'that needs to come off'. It was benign but took quite a few tests to tell as the initial ones were inconclusive/initially made it look like a melanoma in situ, and I think it may well have developed into melanoma had it been left. The two others didn't really look suspicious in themselves but they were different from my other ones - the dermatologist (different one) said she thought they were benign but it was up to me to watch and wait or go straight for removal. I went for removal and they were benign. There are tiny scars but that's all. I have to say, having looked into melanoma when I was waiting for the results of the tests on the first one, that I am with those who have unfortunately had experience with melanoma, and think that removal is preferable if there's the smallest doubt.

Just wanted to say Doctors and surgeons absolutely can tell you what they would do in your circumstances, whilst still making it clear that it's your choice. People perceive risk, and weigh up risks, in different ways. What that clinician might choose to do may not be everyone's choice, because personal circumstances can be very different, so as long they point that out, they can definitely answer the question. My dh is a consultant and often gets asked, he answers honestly, but helps the patient to look at it from their own perspective.

Unfortunately many medics have very limited interpersonal skills. Sounds like this your chap was one of those.
I have stage 4 melanoma.
If there is any level of doubt at all have that mole removed now.
What is a scar compared to the horrible treatment melanoma can require and risk of death?
Immunotherapy ( which is given for melanoma by infusion because chemotherapy does not work for melanoma) is not pleasant and although you don’t lose your hair from side effects you could certainly lose your bowel, your thyroid and many other treats and that is if it works for you which is not guaranteed.
If looks are your worry then consider gaining several stone and getting a moon face from the steroids you may need to take to counter the side effects of immunotherapy.
I am not meaning to criticise you at all for being scared but want to clarify so you can gain some perspective.
The hours I spent sat in the special reclining chairs at the hospital having my immunotherapy every three weeks for a year with all the people having either the same or chemo I can tell you that our appearances were not top of our list of worries.

It sounds like a mixture of anxiety around the procedure and poor bedside manner from the doctor - yes he has to explain the risks, but the tone and manner in which it's done can make a huge difference in how the patient feels about the risks and options, but different people respond differently as well, what is ok to one person another would find off-putting or upsetting.

I had a birthmark removed a while back, the doctor was brilliant, explained really well that it was benign, but that it was the sort of birthmark that now it had started causing problems was very likely to continue doing so, and he was happy to remove it. He was very enthusiastic about his job! Other people might have found him annoying, I found him reassuring and happily went ahead.

If you want to have it done privately then you can look on this website:
https://www.finder.bupa.co.uk/

Fill in "dematologist" or "cosmetic surgeon" in the search box and then when you find someone near where you live, write to the secretary and ask how long their waiting list is and what the costs of treatment would be.

Appologies if this is not in your range financially. I haven't read the whole thread, but didn't want to read and run as I can hear you are having a hard time.

If you see a dematologist privately they can also take a tiny biopsy for you and find out what it is. They did that when I had a thing on my neck.

Hi OP,

My DH regularly gets keloid scars on his arms if he gets a graze. They just go away after about 3 years. They are red and raised but they are never in a noticeable place. They are definitely a feature of him as he had them even as a child, and I've never had one. I think if your body was inclined to form keloid scars then you would have had one by now, because my DH literally gets them every time he has any kind of graze.

I think it would be fine to go and have the mole off, and you almost certainly won't get a keloid scar. You can also get silicone cream to put on the wound to help prevent keloid scars from forming.

The surgeon sounds really stressed. Have you considered going private instead?

www.amazon.co.uk/keloid-scar-cream/s?k=keloid+scar+cream

Honestly, unless it’s bang in the middle of your face and huge, just have it removed. It’s no big deal.

I’m currently in the middle of treatment for stage 3 melanoma. I’ve had to have a chunk of my head the size of a plum removed, have a scar down my face, and have had all the lymph nodes in my neck removed (scar is probably 15-20, from the top of my ear down to my collarbone). I still might die.

Just have it off. It’s not worth the risk and a tiny scar is better than a big one, if you leave it. Unless you went private, they should have done teledermascopy on it and I can’t imagine they’d be removing it, if they didn’t think it could be cancer.

I have a mole on my hand that GPs always want removed, but the surgeon was far less concerned. The risks of scarring damaging my hand mobility long term currently outweighs the cancer risk according to them.
Just keep it out of the sun, and get your DH to check it occasionally.

We got told similar for a growth on my wife's lip and there would be a deep wound.we were fortunate at the time to go private the surgeon was excellent and the scar left was scalpel width.
The first surgeon was on the private roster needless to say he was not selected it left me wondering if he would have done better job on a private patient as opposed to NHS one.

OP How are you feeling now you've slept on it? The other thing to think about is that if it is growing they will eventually be forced to remove it but the scar will be bigger than if you get it done now.

So what if it's a bit itchy and scabby or whatever after. It's just the natural healing process. It will take a few weeks.

Much better than a potential cancer.

I've just had the same procedure and although they said it could scar (which I don't care about) they never said there was any other risks, the doctor and nurses were absolutely lovely though (although a month on I'm still waiting for the results) I'm sorry you had this experience it doesn't sound like he dealt with it well at all

I've just had basal cell carcinoma removed on my face which has left a small scar , I had 30 stitches and my scar is barely noticeable
I was warned about all possibilities of scarring etc they have to tell you the risks so you can make an educated decision for yourself

You did the right thing by walking out of the appointment and even if he could have been kinder about it, it seems like the surgeon did the right thing by making you aware of the risk.

If the main reason you want the mole removed is because of cancer anxiety, then surgery probably isn’t the best option for you when there’s a big risk it will be itchy and uncomfortable for you. You could end up equally as anxious that there’s something wrong with the scar. It’s got to be better to address the anxiety than have unnecessary surgery.

Not stupid at all. I had a hospital procedure yesterday to remove a lump from the inside of my lip. I was also "challenged" as to whether it was necessary and the downsides were explained to me.
It did make me wonder whether I should just to continue to live with it but decided to get it removed as I'd already waited for 2 years.
I was very emotional and wept throughout the procedure. Not mad sobbing, just tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't control it.

I'm glad I had it done but I wasn't prepared for the conversation I had before the procedure. I've reflected on it and of course they have to advise on the risks and make sure I wanted it done.

Don't feel bad. If you feel in a couple of months that you want it removed then you can take them up on the offer.

I had a mole removed back in May and it has left quite a big nasty scar on my stomach.

Not sore but it can be painful if I press on it.

Before the removal I has seen the GP and two separate dermatologists who all said they thought it would be benign but there is no way for them to be 100% sure without removal so it was a no brainer for me personally ( I appreciate that everyone feels differently).

My mole did turn out to be benign thankfully and I would make the exact same decision tomorrow, no regrets at all. Skin cancer can be nasty so that peace of mind has been worthwhile for me despite the scar I have been left with.

Happy to share a photo if that would be helpful at all. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time to think it all over OP

If I had to choose between a possibly cancerous mole or a scar, it wouldn't take more than a few seconds to decide.

@Rainbowf if it helps, keloid scars are not all that common and can be reduced / treated by using scar gel, hydrocolloid patches and also injections which help to dissolve the scar, I know because I’m prone to them and have successfully had several treated ( privately now as it’s no longer covered on the NHS). I would try to get my appointment rebooked if I were you

I had a mole removed that was suspicious so I went straight for removal rather than have biopsy done. I asked them to take as big a margin as they wanted as I wanted it gone.
I did develop a keloid scar but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to live with the uncertainty as I am a full time carer for my DS. Recovery took a few days, pain was manageable with some mild painkillers.
It itches from time to time and is raised but for me it was worth it.
Oh and in the end it wasn’t anything to worry about.

Sleep on it. Phone them tomorrow.

Given the choice between a mole that I'd always be worrying about, or a removal and small scar. I would choose the scar.

It will be small and I'd cover it with makeup. If it itches or is sore I know it'll be because it's healing.

Please do this.
It will help track any changes so you can either see if it is changing, and then show the surgeon

You said your friend thought it had changed. Do you?

This is the consent process and there is no way to sugar coat it.
He cannot do this procedure without you being fully aware of the risks, side effects and complications.
Keloid scars can be very prominent and troublesome and his assessment was that you were at risk of developing this for what seemed to be a benign appearing mole.
If he was concerned it was cancerous, then most likely he would have emphasised the importance of diagnosis/removal and how it would outweigh the risk of keloid.
Ultimately, the decision is (nearly*) always yours.

*I caveat it with nearly in the case life saving treatment when you are not in a position to consent and there is no advanced directive. The decision will then lie with the medial team. Obviously this is not the case here.

It sounds to me like. He feels it's benign, but he can still remove it, if you like. However it risks leaving a keloid scar that could be more trouble than a benign mole. I'm not really seeing the issue

If it hasn’t been done already, you should, or get somebody else to, take a photograph of the mole alongside a ruler. Then you can photograph at a later date and compare photos for any changes. I’m no expert, but I think things to be wary of are increases in size, darkening in colour and jagged edges. You can even pay a skin specialist to do this for you.