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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have left my hospital appt

67 replies

Rainbowf · 06/11/2024 17:42

Please no horrible comments as I’m feeling really upset about this.

I went to hospital today to have a mole removed. I’ve had this mole for years and years, my friend noticed it looked a bit different when we were away so I went to my gp who fast tracked me to hospital and I was sent for surgery.

I was feeling very anxious about this already and had no other conversations with my doctor or anyone about it. I understood though from reading up about it that because of the awkward place my mole is on that it would leave some kind of scar for a while etc.

The doctor came out before my surgery with someone else and I was completely thrown by how he was with me. He said that he recommended I come up as “you said the mole has changed and it’s slightly irregular but i think the mole is likely benign”. Then said that he needed to let me know that due to where my mole was there was a risk of a keloid scar, which I haven’t heard of before and I know it’s stupid of me. He then said that this scar can cause severe itching, pain, and it’s raised and bumpy. Possible risk of infection too. That it’s permenant and something I’ll have for the rest of my life. And with that in mind do I want to still go ahead, as he didn’t want me to regret having it done as it will be noticeable. That I’m young and it will be with me the rest of my life. The language he used made me feel like I didn’t need to be there so made me doubt it.

I understand that they need to go through the risks but the tone and way he spoke to me made me feel so uneasy, I wasn’t sure what to do so I asked what he recommended then and he said he can’t recommend either way, but said that in my position I can either go through with it or I could wait a few months and see if the mole changes again and rebook for removal. That it’s likely benign. I said I’m worried it’s cancerous but he said it’s my decision.

he made me feel so upset, as the tone was harsh, I asked to have a couple of minutes to think and maybe call someone and he said if I need to do that then I’m clearly not ready to do it. I was already anxious and tbh after the way he came across I felt even more uneasy to go ahead with it even if I wanted to so felt I couldn’t even say yes to going ahead. I ended up crying as I felt I was leaving for vanity reasons and they said nothing and offered no sympathy. So I left and said I’d keep an eye on it

i now wonder if I did the wrong thing leaving as I’m also scared it’s cancerous and just feel really stressed and pathetic by the whole thing, i needed some reassurance and i felt like I was purposely being put off.

please im feeling very fragile so if i was completely stupid please go easy on me.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
healthybychristmas · 14/12/2024 17:12

Whereabouts is the mole?

Inmydreams88 · 14/12/2024 15:25

Rainbowf · 14/12/2024 14:07

I just thought I would update you, I had the mole removed and it’s benign:) healing ok too. Thanks for your comments as now I have peace of mind on this one

There is nothing greater than peace of mind. You did the right thing!

1984Winston · 14/12/2024 15:12

Brilliant news, I finally got my results too, was abnormal but not yet cancerous, will be having a bigger margin taken as a precaution but they aren't worried 😊 so very glad I contacted the doctors as soon as I saw it though as it would have turned cancerous!

Shadow1986 · 14/12/2024 14:15

Damn missed the update! Glad you had it removed and went well

Shadow1986 · 14/12/2024 14:14

Telling you the risk of the keloid scar is just standard and covering their backs - I was given the same information when I had a mole removed from my leg. Mine has left quite a large scar but it’s not raised, it’s white…but it is noticeable. I think they just want you to be fully aware of scar risks before undergoing the procedure. And they can’t make that decision for you, you have to decide. If it was me I would have the mole removed.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 14/12/2024 14:09

Floralnomad · 06/11/2024 17:47

You weren’t being purposely being put off he was just explaining the possible outcomes , they are obliged to do that .

Really? Because there are ways of doing so and it sounds as if the surgeon was trying to put her off.

@Rainbowf Did he say how likely this risk was to occur?

Sorry, just seen how old this is.

Rainbowf · 14/12/2024 14:07

I just thought I would update you, I had the mole removed and it’s benign:) healing ok too. Thanks for your comments as now I have peace of mind on this one

OP posts:
TheKoalaWhoCould · 13/11/2024 09:32

That’s good. It’s not even a surgery - it’s a tiny procedure that takes about 10 minutes. It’ll be over before you know it!

Floralnomad · 13/11/2024 00:42

Hope it goes well @Rainbowf , it’s always best to check .

L0bstersLass · 12/11/2024 23:53

Rainbowf · 12/11/2024 18:38

After all that, I’ve rebooked my surgery. Very anxious and worried but after reading your comments its probably best to check and see so I’ll get it done. Thank you for your comments

Good for you OP. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Rainbowf · 12/11/2024 18:38

After all that, I’ve rebooked my surgery. Very anxious and worried but after reading your comments its probably best to check and see so I’ll get it done. Thank you for your comments

OP posts:
Attelina · 10/11/2024 09:30

I have known quite a few people who have had facial moles removed, most done privately but none had terrible scarring or discomfort once healing had finished.

I think they have to tell you the worst possible outcome just to cover themselves.

Perhaps look to having it removed privately instead.

notbeenagreatday · 10/11/2024 06:04

If you can't see without having to get someone else to photograph it then why would it matter if it scarred?

OldTinHat · 10/11/2024 05:28

I also had a two week fast track by a GP and had the same information given to me by the surgeon.

Mine was on my back, between my shoulder blades. Surgeon told me, because I'm female, it would be removed by him as cosmetic surgery (NHS) so there wouldn't be a scar. I have a huge, very itchy scar!

That was about ten years ago.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 10/11/2024 04:56

@Viviennemary sorry but that’s rubbish. even for emergency and lifesaving surgery, where possible, the risks are listed during consent. That’s the whole point of consent.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 10/11/2024 04:55

I’ve had a lot of moles removed. They have scarred. I don’t care - each mark is a guarantee: cancer’s not getting me this time! Even a dermatologist can’t say by looking if an irregular mole is benign or not so it really is best to have them removed and biopsied.

Viviennemary · 10/11/2024 04:45

birdling · 06/11/2024 17:46

I think you made a sensible decision based on the info you were given by someone who knows what they are talking about.
Keep an eye on it and make a decision in a couple of months, unless it changes sooner.

I agree. The doctor gave you the option to decline the surgery. If the mole had been life threatening he would have said so. IMHO.

Thevelvelletes · 10/11/2024 04:37

Glad you've been able to process and rationalise the information... hope your op goes accordingly.

Rainbowf · 08/11/2024 10:19

Thank you for all your measured replies,
my husband took a photo last night and used a tape measure and we compared it to a month ago when I went to my first GP appointment and it was measured then, it’s stayed the exact same size and shape.

I’m going to check weekly and if I see any difference I’m going to get it removed. After sleeping on it, calming down, and thinking about it I feel much more informed now and a scar is nothing compared to the alternative. I think I might speak to them anyway again as I’m not bothered at all about the potential scar anymore and maybe it would be better just doing it anyway.

I was so anxious the other day and the new information mixed with how it was delivered by him and how I received the info personally just put me into a panic.

OP posts:
jennygeddes · 07/11/2024 19:07

I don't blame you for not going ahead in the moment. You need to make sure you know what the risks of not removing are. Both my husband and father had moles removed that they were told 'don't look malignant'. In both cases it was melanoma.

JC03745 · 07/11/2024 18:13

Sounds like a surgeon who has little to no bed side manner. Do you have keloid scars elsewhere? I'm assuming this isn't on your face if you can't see it?

My advice:

-Read up further info yourself about pros/cons of removal
-Ask if you can have a phone consult and go through any questions you have
-For the appointment, take a friend or your DH for support
-Once the wound has healed, use silicone gel or a patch. It can help keep the scar flat
www.boots.com/kelo-cote-scar-gel-treatment-6g-10259814?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--LIAs---_-pmax_health__gg_shopping__lia___pmedia&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA57G5BhDUARIsACgCYnwcmL2ebnASWkWpwCSEQr2Mc03R1_5iDB9obc6x2PoZgrcJ8msef8waAvCqEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

sanityisamyth · 07/11/2024 17:56

I have a keloid scar on my arm. I hate it. Touching it makes me feel sick. However it was caused by a traumatic incident, and even looking at it triggers me to think about that event.

Ask the consultant's secretary to see if they'll see you again to discuss the possibility of it being cancerous. If there's a chance, I'd get it removed even if it does leave a scar.

Toblerone1989 · 07/11/2024 16:38

Oh OP I really sympathise here. I think you did the right thing by taking some extra time.

I had a similar situation, I found a lump in my neck which when I went to see the consultant suggested surgery, to which I looked worried and he actually shrugged and said 'come on, its only a tumour its not cancer' (when removed it was cancerous) but I really felt put out, really upset by his attitude and I felt like I wasnt a human. I felt like I was being stupid for worrying about it. I think some surgeons are a bit detached and removed and you kind of want them to be that way with the nature of their jobs. With all this being said I think you should definitely take your time to reconsider the surgery if you are worried but do a little research - so for example have you had any other surgeries before and have they left scars and are these scars keloid? If they are not its unlikely this one will do that.

sending you lots of love

Irridescantshimmmer · 07/11/2024 16:17

He's probably old school, and this is how a lot of surgeons are and some are larger than life characters but, and most importantly he meant no harm.

He would have operated on so many moles in his life time that will be why he is so certain about your condition. Your post reminded me of some surgeons I used to work with when I worked in Theatres at a local district general.

Take a picture of it every month and keep the images on a folder on your phone. Back them up to a free cloud too. Just rename the file with the date.jpg and look for differences in the appearance of the mole over time........I am hoping that doing this over a period of time should hopefully give you some reassurance that everything is fine.

However, if changes occur then you can email the images to your GP who should be able to refer you back to a surgeon.

Lifelover16 · 07/11/2024 15:31

Is there a dermatology specialist nurse at the hospital that you could call and discuss it with? Nurses are often better at active listening and helping you reach a decision and would also have the knowledge to advice about the risks. You would be able to plan your questions beforehand and feel more prepared.
Your surgeon sounds very abrupt and rather lacking in compassion.

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