What’s the fair way to pay for this?

Like I say there are exceptions.
My boys both went to Kings schools as well ie Rochester and Canterbury and are both the traditional system.
Same as others near me.

Obviously there can be differences.

Unfortunately, even combined your incomes aren't enough to spend 30k on school fees.All the uniform, trips and everything else could easily put you into debt,who's to say he won't meet someone else and have another family at some point.

None of the independent schools around here do preprep, prep and senior. DS's school was founded by Henry VIII and is aligned with the state sector infant, junior, senior (at 11).

All the independent school where I live have the prep system apart from one much cheaper one.

Why would it negatively impact their lives? After paying the £30k school fees, OP and ex have a joint income of £82k a year, which is more than enough for a good lifestyle.

None of the independent schools around here do preprep, prep and senior. DS's school was founded by Henry VIII and is aligned with the state sector infant, junior, senior (at 11).

I agree that this is most fair. The maintenance is a minimum to pay for day to day expenses like food and clothes, not to cover the cost of private school. If he wants to send her there he needs to pay his share.

You can point out to him that private school will also mean more expensive school uniform, sports kit, wraparound care, school lunches, textbooks and other extras which no doubt you’ll have to cover from that maintenance.

This is not sustainable. You simply don't earn enough and won't be able to keep up with everything else expected at a school with that base rate - at least double what private schools near me charge for primary school so it must be for pretty wealthy families. Neither of you are that sort of financially secure (unless the secret savings is like £300K or more?) so the whole plan doesn't seem great to me.

Proportional to income seems right if you still want to know. But then all the other costs are on you from maintenance and I'm guessing that t won't go far!

If you tell him you can't afford half the fees (which I would say could be true?), therefore she can't go - what would he say?

Tbh I don’t know any that don’t use the traditional system of preprep, prep and senior.

5 years for each.

Obviously there are exceptions, as always.
OP hasn’t stated any details

Surely you discuss this before you start applying to schools?

50:50 seems fair, or possibly proportionate to income - but what if he stops working?

The whole package will be well in excess of £30k, op, and that’ll increase as she moves through the school.
You can’t afford it.

This isn't true for very many independent schools.

However OP you simply cant afford it. It's madness on that income when you are running two separate households

Re you earning potential, is your DD 5 or 12?

If 5, you can’t have been taking a step back for very long, so surely you have the ability to get a promotion or two to earn more?

If 12, and especially if at a fancy school with lots of extracurriculars, you’ll be able to really focus on your career for this next stage.

Either way, seeing yourself as hard done by isn’t going to help much. Your career is obviously and rightly important to you so if I was you I’d be asking him to pay more towards childcare, or have her more overnights, so you could focus on work. The private school fees seem like a waste of money you don’t have.

Even paying in proportion of earnings, it sounds unaffordable. Two households are being paid for with your respective salaries and 30k per year is a lot to commit too. How old is dd, most people work in excess of 40 years. Having a useless ex and being the main parent shouldn’t ruin your career forever.

Proportionally by income. I wouldn't be thrilled by the thought of paying half if I was you.

@huserrr

Even if you pay £10k, have you not considered what £10k would buy your daughter in terms of experiences? What the two of you could do together?

You sound a little bigger and are losing sight of why you perhaps had your DD.

But... if both you and ex are on board for private school then you need to tell him what is affordable. If you can't agree then don't send her.

Don't forget the cost of school trips, uniform, buses, exam fees etc... all extras!

Not nitpicking but private schools don’t work in 7 year bands.
prep and senior are 5 years each.
So it’s either 5 or 10 years.
As the fees are 30 I’m guessing a day senior school. So 5 yrs

How have you gone through the discussion about which school, school visits, application and acceptance without actually discussing who is paying for it? Sorry, but that’s really stupid.

You need to go and talk to him. Now.

30k a year fees? Surely there are cheaper fee paying schools? What about a state primary and private secondary?

Exactly - you can’t afford it and your child will be affected if you have to pull her out, so personally I wouldn’t send my DC if I couldn’t pay it all on my own. Contingency and all. But if ex is keen, he can commit to pay it.

Your feelings about being set back career wise by having to be primary parent are absolutely, entirely valid, but perhaps clouding the issue at hand which is really about if you can sensibly afford it for duration of her schooling there.

I don't understand how this wasn't discussed when you looked at schools and agreed where to send her?

Neither of you has any obligation to pay for private school at all, so it will ultimately come down to how much each of you is willing to contribute and how much it matters to you that she goes to this school.

I think ratio based on your income is fair. Don’t see why maintenance should be reduced. Nothing to do with it. If she went to state school would he reduce maintenance then?? Can’t see what the reasoning is. Also if he’s paying the minimum, how could he reduce it???

Don’t send her private unless he can pay all of it. Too risky otherwise.

My friend had the fees payment written into the divorce.
His circumstances changed and the original agreement didn’t hold.
If he can’t pay, he can’t pay.

I wouldn’t knock it so quickly.
All mine boarded and loved it.

Its not for everyone but a lot thrive.